Things Women Should Know About Money When in a Relationship

Anyone who's known me for more than a couple of days can tell you that I'm a bit obsessed with two things: money and relationships. These two things seem totally unrelated, and if you're talking about a career, they usually are.

I learned a lot about money, more often than not, the hard way. What I've learned is that money really is power—especially when you're a woman in a relationship.

Having a certain amount of money makes you more stable, and therefore makes you more attractive. Money also allows you to leave a bad relationship without having to worry about what you're going to do to stay alive.

Personally, I believe that there are certain things women should know about money and the role it can play in love, empowerment, and personal safety. Here are my personal tips for ladies who want to find love without being at the mercy of money.

The best tool in the world is a Fuck Off Fund.

Way long ago, I read an article called "A Story of a Fuck Off Fund," and it opened my eyes. I legitimately thought I was very alone in the fact that I stayed in abusive relationships because I didn't have the financial wherewithal to leave.

That article made me realize that I was not alone and that many abusers use finance to keep their victims in place. This is why a lot of predators will actually seek out "down on their luck" girls.

A Fuck Off Fund, also known as a personal savings account that is specially dedicated to breakups and being able to afford an emergency apartment on your own, can save you from a lot of horror stories.

Money can empower you to leave—and that's why you should have a Fuck Off Fund no one knows about. It's one of my favorite money life hacks everyone should know.

You can often tell how a guy perceives you by the money he spends on you.

One of the things women should know about money is that people tend to use money as a reflection of priorities—and of a reflection on their goals. For example, a person who doesn't dig being a foodie will never spend $400 on a seat at Nobu. A foodie, though, will.

The way men treat women is often reflected in the way that they spend money on a date. A good rule of thumb is to beware guys who refuse to spend money on you, or regularly hits you up for money without paying it back.

A more interesting note is that abusers often will start out in a relationship by doing something called "loan sharking." This is when they lavish people with gifts as a way to gain their affection and admiration. Eventually, those same gifts will be used as a way to guilt you (or blackmail) you into staying.

Simply put, paying 50/50 tends to be the best possible way to avoid a lot of abuse. If he keeps trying to make you live on his credit card, you have to ask why.

If you're a bad spender, I got some news for you. There are many things women should know about money before they get into a relationship—learning how to save it, for example, is one such thing.

Married women looking to leave as well as single women who just want to build up a Fuck Off Fund before they start dating can automate their savings using an app like Stash. (It's also great for an emergency savings account, too.)

Stash saves money by automating weekly investments and placing them in ETF funds that you choose. When you need to withdraw money, you can expect the cash to come out within a matter of days.

You'd be surprised at how much money you can save by just automating your savings. It's saving money the easy way, and realistically, you can't make it any easier

If you ever find yourself being financially bullied, you can call a lawyer to find out your rights—or just look online.

Laws in this country exist for a reason. No one is allowed to blackmail you or extort you, especially not a partner. No one is allowed to take money from you or threaten to kick you out of your own home.

There are many things women should know about their legal rights in terms of living situations and financial rights that they may not know. Here are the most important rights you need to know:

• You cannot be evicted from a place where you lived for more than 30 days. They need to evict you.
• If you find your partner throwing your stuff outside, call the police. This is considered to be an illegal eviction and will get them in a world of trouble.
• You can call the police if you're being threatened with violence in your own home and want to press DV charges. This gets the abuser out of the home.
• You have the right to call the police if you find out that your partner stole money from an account that you and only you own. Because that is theft, it will literally be an open-and-close case. They also will be liable for the money.

A prenup is not just for celebrities.

One of the most important things women should know about money and marriage is the importance of a prenup. Aside from helping divide up stuff in the event of a marriage's end, a prenup also lays clear exactly what you expect from a marriage.

Prenups can include clauses about things like sex, cheating, inheritances, health insurance, life insurance, and even what would be considered an official dealbreaker with conditions. Simply put, they protect both partners in a marriage—and that means that you need one if you want to get hitched.

This takes out any guesswork, and trust me, ambiguity is often what ends up causing both marriages and companies to fail. Less guesswork means more security for both of you.

Money can ruin your relationship.

Around a third of all divorces are initiated due to money problems, or constant arguing about money. Money can ruin your relationship in a number of ways, but the easiest way to avoid it is to be fiscally stable before you get into a relationship in the first place.

It doesn't matter how great the guy is, giving up your career for him isn't worth it.

This is one of those things women should know about money, and often do—but don't acknowledge it. Your career is your rock, and the truth is that we no longer can trust men to actually provide for us anymore.

Even if a guy wants to be the breadwinner, the economy is rough and most households are dual-income for that reason. Relying on just one income is a very foolish decision, especially when most jobs have zero security in them.

A career does more than just allow you to leave a bad relationship; it allows you and your partner to have a better standard of life together. After all, two salaries will get you a lot more stuff than one.

Speaking as someone who's been there, a career will stay with you for way longer than a partner will. Your personal finance choices and personal freedoms will thank you for choosing them over a guy who might bolt in a year.

I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but if you're hoping for a man to come around and sweep you off your feet so you never have to worry about how you'll afford dinner ever again, I got news for you.

It's probably not going to happen.

It's not the 1950s, where getting married and being able to rely on your role as a housewife was the standard. Times have changed, and as scary as it is to say, so have people.

Men are increasingly averse to marriage, which means that they are also way less likely to act as providers than they used to be. Moreover, divorce rates are higher than they used to be. A lot of men now don't even want committed relationships, or just give up on dating once they hit 30.

Wealthier women, in particular, are showing the highest increase in long-term singledom. This means that you cannot expect a Prince Charming to show up, because he is just not there.

There's an entire book devoted to this topic and it offers advice on how to cope with an increasingly difficult world. It has plenty of things women should know about money that can't be covered in just one article.

Money makes you more attractive—regardless of your gender or age.

I feel like this is one of those things women should know about money, but often overlook. A very wise woman, when asked whether she'd want beauty or wealth, replied that she'd want wealth more, because it would make her more attractive as years pass.

She's right, you know.

Think about it this way: Beyonce is a very beautiful woman. Do you really think that the world would be obsessing over her the way they do if she was broke? Probably not. Part of her allure is her wealth.

Beware the man who wants to control your money or your possessions.

This is one of those things women should know about money, things, and men in general. If a guy is very pushy about quitting your job, getting on his cell phone plan, or getting you to sell your car so that you can borrow his, watch out!

These kinds of seemingly innocuous gestures are how financial abuse begin to happen. Even something as simple as regularly critiquing your job or making you feel ashamed for having a career is a sign you should be wary of this person.

A man who truly cares about yourwellbeing will never hate on you for putting food on the table. If he can't handle you being independent from him, feel free to kick him to the curb.

Last, think twice about who you have kids with.

Last on my list of the most important things women should know about money and relationships is the importance of financial stability when you choose to have kids. Kids are expensive, and studies suggest that raising a middle class child over 18 years will cost around $450,000 total.

Needless to say, if you are looking for a father to your kid, you will need to find someone who can help foot that bill rather than be more dead weight. Most women who have regrets about kids say that they don't regret having kids, but do regret who they had kids with.

So, if you're going to go the family route, make sure it's something that you're financially prepped to do.