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'You are Fat!'

The Struggles of Always Being a Big Girl

By J Published 6 years ago 6 min read
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People define women and men by their appearance. Some people can't see beyond the outer shell. Due to this reason, there are many heartbreaks. A large number of guys emphasise certain areas and when a woman doesn't match up to that standard, she becomes insecure. On top of this, it is so easy for someone to call you fat without realising how badly it will impact you mentally.

I was one of the victims and I would like to share my story so please keep reading.

At the age of 3, I suffered from eczema. My mum took me to the doctor's and according to my mum, I was given the wrong medication which made me put on weight. I found this hard to believe at first, but I actually met someone who had the same issue, as if the medication completely slowed down the metabolism.

As the years went by during my childhood, I ate everything my mum made for me as a child normally would. The food I ate was full of oil or sugar. The weight kept piling on.

In the Indian culture, there are a lot of events. This meant I had to buy new outfits as for some reason we don't tend to wear the same outfit again. I remember going to an Indian boutique in London with my mum to buy myself an outfit. I must have been around 10-years-old. I went to the kids' section and found a pink dress I liked. I went to try it on and it would not go past my shoulders, let alone the rest of my body. I was embarrassed. I could see the anger on my mum's face as nothing seemed to fit me. So what was the solution? My mum had to buy open fabric and spend extra money to get it made according to my measurements. After that day, my mum made sure I wore that outfit until it wore out. This was the incident where I was called fat by my mum for the first time. To make it even worse, my dad nicknamed me "motto," which means fat in Punjabi. He said it out of love but it still hurt me, especially when my brother was so skinny. I was always comparing myself to other children. I felt ugly and unwanted.

I never really had issues at primary school as everyone got along. The only time I felt insecure was during my gymnastics class. I was so unfit. I could not do what the other kids were doing. I couldn't do cartwheels, roley poleys, climbing the frames, or jumping over the hurdles. I struggled. From that day forth, I hated every physical education class throughout my school years.

At the age of 13/14, I started fitting into my mums clothes. I stopped fitting into children's clothes at the age of 12. I felt so embarrassed. I was glad that the majority of the time I was in school uniform. The only downside was getting changed in front of everyone for PE lessons. I felt so uncomfortable.

I knew I had to lose weight because the clothes I dreamt of wearing, I couldn't fit into. I always overheard family and relatives saying no one likes a fat girl and saying to mum "tell your daughter to lose weight."

As I kept hearing this day after day, I started to ignore the comments. I started to become shy and lack confidence in myself. This wasn't good since I was just about to start secondary school. I always told myself that no one will become friends with me because I'm so big. Due to feeling so disgusted with myself, I never let anyone hug me or touch me. I was so insecure throughout my school years. I pretended to be brave and tried my best to hide my feelings. There was a time where a group of older girls targeted me. They kept saying to me "hey, flubber" when they saw me in the school corridors. I just walked past them and pretended it didn't bother me. They kept doing that for a year and then I finally confronted them because I got angry for letting them words affect me. Finally, it stopped — no more being called names at school.

Then came my sixth form experience. I still felt insecure but I built my confidence. I had an amazing group of friends who supported me and gave me advice I needed to hear. I felt happier with myself. I also started working where I did lose some weight due to amount of stairs I climbed. This is when I realised, I can lose weight and it is possible. At the same time, I became comfortable in my own skin. I realised I don't need to have an hourglass figure to be beautiful.

However, my life completely changed when I moved out for university. Living without my mum meant I had to cook for myself. I only allowed myself to eat in moderation and replaced sugary snacks with healthy treats. I spent the first year of uni sorting out my eating habits. I dropped a dress size, simply from eating right. In addition, my first friend at uni was a guy. He was so respectful towards me and the idea of no one wanting to be close to me due to my size banished completely. During my second year of uni, I started going to the gym and I fell in love with fitness. I saw results instantly and I made sure I kept it consistent. At the end of second year, I dropped a further two dress sizes. Everyone started noticing and it felt great when I received compliments. It gave me the motivation to try harder.

I felt so much better with myself as I developed confidence. I stopped letting words affect me. There were times where I fell off track. For example, since the start of 2017, I had a series of unfortunate events so I lost interest in keeping my diet and gym routine consistent. I did put on a bit of weight. I struggled a lot and I recently started again. Within a month, I dropped all that excess weight. I have still got a long way to go. I still have fat in certain areas which I need to burn off. BUT... it doesn't make me fat.

If you can relate, don't let anyone call you fat. YOU ARE NOT FAT!! Be comfortable in your own skin and if it is really affecting you make a change that works for you. Don't try to fit into the crowd. Be different.

Thank you for reading.

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About the Creator

J

Explaining life as it is

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