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Why Do We Wait?

The Reasons for Waiting to Speak on Rape and Molestation

Photo Courtesy of

Ok, so if you have been watching the news, you know that Bill Cosby will be spending 3-10 years in prison, and Judge Brett Kavanaugh had his hearing for the nominee for the Associate of the Supreme Court Justice, even though he has a "rapey" past.  Ever since the actions of certain individuals have come to light in regard to sexual harassment, sexual assault, and sexual molestation, certain questions and comments have come up that have really gotten on my nerves.  These questions and comments are:

  1. "Why did these women (and men) wait so long to say something?'
  2. "She's not even attractive! Who would want to rape her?"
  3. "What was she wearing?"
  4. "A. This is politics! The Democrats are doing this blah blah blah! B.  The only reason this is happening is because he's black!"
  5. "Boys will be boys!  Girl mature faster than boys, so you have to slow down for boys to catch up!"

Let me answer these questions one by one.  

Why do the women (and men) wait so long?  Dealing with something like this is a lot!  It takes your innocence, and in most cases, if you tell, no one will believe you because that person has this reputation of being a great person, and they will think you are a liar.  I remember watching a YouTube video where this woman was in church testifying about being raped by her mother's boyfriend.  Sad part was that when the woman said she was raped, the mother said nothing, but when she said she was raped by the mother's boyfriend, the mother yelled "LIAR" and basically scolded her!  If you don't believe me, here is the video.

Majority of the time, when someone has the courage to tell what happens, it gets swept under the rug, particularly by family members!

Looks/Attractiveness: When it comes to rape, the rapists is not thinking about how attractive the victim is, they want power over that person!  When Cosby went to trial for what he did to Andrea Constand, I was baffled by people talking about her looks!  One person even said on social media, "Cosby worked with a cast full of beautiful women, and you mean to tell me he drugged and raped this?!"  

Here's proof of one of the memes:

Photo Courtesy of

What is so strange is that when it comes to rape, men, for some reason, equate a person's looks to rape when looks have nothing to do with rape whatsoever! What does a person's looks have to do with rape, besides nothing?

What was she wearing? Oh, this question makes my blood boil!  I've had to tell so many people that what a person is wearing has nothing to do with being sexually assaulted!  It doesn't matter if a woman is naked, no one has the right to touch her or do anything to her!  I remember when the mother from 19 Kids and Counting said to a room full of people that girls and women need to dress modestly to prevent men from lustfully looking at them.  The next year, the scandal broke out that her oldest son, Joshua, had sexually abused several young girls, including two of his own sisters, when he was a teenager.  What's worse is that the very religious and conservative community they live and serve in is known for sexual misconduct (  There are many people out there who blame the victims for what happened to them simply because of the way they're dressed.  🗣SEXUAL ASSAULT AND ABUSE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW THE WOMAN IS DRESSED!  THE WOMAN CAN WEAR A LARGE BURLAP SACK, AND A RAPIST WILL STILL ATTACK HER!

Politics/Race:  Oh, the politics! Ever since Dr. Christine Blasey Ford came forth with her details of how Kavanaugh raped her in high school, everyone has made this about politics, and of course blamed her for not saying anything when it happened. 🙄 Now, they're trying to say that this woman is trying to sabotage this man's nomination of being a Supreme Court judge and this is happening because he's a Trump supporter. She's not sabotaging his career! He's doing that on his own! After watching that hearing, I believe EVERY SINGLE WORD that woman is saying, and this man is trash! Also, since Cosby has been sent to prison, certain people are still saying that the reason he's in jail is because he was trying to buy NBC, when there is nothing out there saying that he was trying to buy NBC whatsoever!  Also, a lot of people have a hard time separating Bill Cosby from his beloved character, Cliff Huxtable, from The Cosby Show.  Don't get me wrong, Cosby did a lot for the black community.  He was the biggest philanthropist to HBCUs (Historically Black Colleges and Universities), and thanks to his other show, A Different World, HBCUs had the largest number of newly enrolled students from 1988-1993 (the show was aired on Spelman College in Atlanta, GA, where his daughter was a student). Even though he is a legend, I can never excuse his actions! He cheated on his wife, and violated women on several occasions, but sadly people only see how the system has put a rich, successful black man in prison.  People are also saying (on social media) that while he's in prison, other white rapists in Hollywood are still free!  Why is this about race?  All of these men are animals!

Boys will be boys:  I've been hearing this all of my live, and frankly, I'm sick of it.  Why is it that we have to excuse boys' awful behavior?  Every time there is a new case of sexual assault or sexual molestation, people sweep it under the rug by saying "boys will be boys!"  For as long as I can remember, when a boy does something disrespectful, the girl is always scolded, or the girl is told to excuse the boy, simply because he is a boy!  A boy is taught to have sex with multiple women.  A boy is taught not to care about his body count. Sometimes, a boy is taught not to have feelings when it comes to sex.  Boys are taught to do whatever, but a girl is taught not to engage in sexual activity until marriage.  A girl is taught to dress a certain way so she will not be judged.  A girl is taught not to have more than 10 partners in her lifetime.  Instead of saying "boys will be boys," why don't we teach boys to respect girls?  I remember when I was in fifth and sixth grade, boys felt it was okay to come behind girls and pull on their bras until they unsnapped.  When we would tell the teachers, do you know what they did?  Nothing!  Why?  Because boys will be boys!  Then, when the parents wanted to talk to the administrators in reference to the actions of the boys, no one wanted to talk!  We shouldn't excuse boys' inexcusable behavior!

So, after answering all of these questions, why do we wait?  Well:

  • We will be judged
  • People will ask about our attire instead of what happened
  • It will more than likely be swept under the rug
  • Because boys will be boys and that will make it okay
  • It's all about politics!

I've been a victim of this, and I know many people who have been a victim of this.  I also know several people (myself included) who can't bring themselves to tell family members what happened to them such a long time ago.  I have a sorority sister who shared that it took her ten years to share her story of being sexually assaulted.  Some people suffer in silence because of fear that they will not be believed.  It's sad that there are so may women that this has happened to, and it's even more sad some are suffering in silence by themselves.  So, let me just say this.  If you've never experienced this, or if you don't know of anyone who's experienced this, SHUT UP AND STOP BLAMING THE VICTIM!

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