Viva logo

Why Do Men Feel the Need to Belittle Women's Rights?

WOMAN: "Why do we grow up in a society that teaches girls not to get raped rather than boys not to rape? It's plain and simple, treat women with respect." MAN: "Totally agree! But let's not forget, women should also treat men with respect, equal rights for everyone."

By Bea SantosPublished 6 years ago 6 min read
Like

A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook regarding women's rights and how society needs to change its outlook. We can no longer live in a society that rewards male aggression and dominance and silences women. We can no longer teach our daughters, "boys will be boys" or "he hit you cause he likes you". We cannot live in a time where a reported sexual predator controls the largest economy and military in the world. Somehow we all know of a girl or woman who has been a victim of verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse from a man, yet most of us can't -- or don't -- name an abuser. She wrote a well-reasoned post about men treating women with respect, and both women and men changing their attitudes towards abuse. That's when I saw it.

I wasn't surprised. To be honest I probably read the comments looking for that guy who can't seem to let a woman speak her mind without adding his two cents. And I found it: "I agree with you 100% but women also need to treat men with respect. When we talk about equality it means also that women can't abuse men verbally, emotionally, physically, etc. Violence is never okay and shouldn't be tolerated!"* (*paraphrased)

This is the type of comment that lies. It lies to the reader, it lies to the speaker, it lies to society. On the surface, there is absolutely no harm in this comment. More than that, it is absolutely correct and everything I, a feminist, stand for. When we talk about equality, we should be talking all-inclusive and intersectional, not just giving women more power. Feminism is not pro-women and anti-men, it is pro-people. This comment is stating that very same thing, equality for everyone. Yet this comment does not help the cause, in fact it hurts it.

Why is it that men can't agree with a woman on women's rights without adding that the same should apply to men? Without a doubt, respect, particularly sexual respect, should be a given for any gender, sex, race, religion, etc. When someone talks about children's rights, do adults automatically jump in and say, "absolutely right, but the same should be said for adult rights!" No, because that is not the issue being discussed, it is a given, and evidently because of physical and societal boundaries, they are more vulnerable and likely to be at harm. Absolutely, women should also treat men with respect, and male victims should also get the awareness they deserve, much more than they currently do. But, while my assumption may be prejudiced, most of the time men argue for male victims of abuse is when they are responding to a women's issue. And the fact is that violence against women is one of the most widespread issues to persevere in all of history, and knows no borders, race, or culture. When someone is discussing this issue, they are not ignoring other issues or pretending they don't exist, they are simply referring to this issue. It's frustrating when men throw around the words, "respect women" while at the same time undermining them every time they argue the same.

Naturally, when I argued this point, another guy came in and stated that there is no contradiction in our points, and that "feminism doesn't solely champion female rights, it fights for gender equality in all respects [...] and drawing attention to one injustice doesn't take away from another." Absolutely, feminism doesn't even champion solely for gender rights, it champions for intersectional equality. When I argued that guy's comment, I was in no way disregarding the content of what he said, rather questioning the reason for why it had to be mentioned. In this one instance, it could simply be down to that guy's stream of consciousness, but the fact that the same argument recurs from men the majority of the time as a response to a woman's statement on this issue indicates that it has more to do with threatening hegemonic masculinity than concern for the cause. We cannot deny we live in a hierarchical society, and whenever an issue is raised by a less privileged group, the more privileged group says, "sure you have a problem, but we have a problem, too!" Sexual violence is an issue that affects billions of people worldwide, and we discuss one group of victims we are not denying there are other groups. When we discuss abled victims of abuse, we are not denying there are differently-abled victims of abuse; when we discuss victims of abuse in one country, we are not denying there are victims of abuse elsewhere, and so on. There is no need to bring up male victims when discussing female victims. I have no issue with championing for male victims of abuse, or any other issue, and I'm sure that guy's comments were meant with the best intentions, but it's time men stopped minimizing women's issues by promoting their own.

Before anyone assumes I am minimizing the importance of male victims of abuse's rights and cause, let me say that I am all for raising awareness and offering them the support they deserve. While there are fewer cases of male sexual abuse, victims have less access to support and face more social pressure and discrimination. In fact, most men do not report for a number of complex reasons. There is a pervading myth that only gay men rape men and only gay men get raped. By reporting or admitting they have been raped, men are often accused of and discriminated for being gay. Many fear the question of their sexuality will overshadow the issue at hand, or it will not be perceived as rape. Under the UK Sexual Offences Act of 1956, the statutory definition of rape is any act of non-consensual intercourse by a man with a person -- male or female. If a man were to be raped by a woman, not only would they be mocked for being raped by *denigrating tone* a girl or even be congratulated for "getting lucky", but legally it wouldn't even be considered rape in the UK. This is not even taking into account countries with more rigorous and unprogressive justice systems, where the penalty for a man being raped by another man might be imprisonment, torture, or death. Even more sadly, some male victims get an erection or even ejaculate during the assault, purely as a result of physical stimulation, not pleasure. This leads many to question their own sexuality, the outward appearance of their sexuality, or whether it was an actual crime. Awareness about this issue -- affecting at least 1 male in 10 victims of sexual abuse, varying depending on the country -- is extremely important in order for men to feel safer reporting their assaults and receive the support they need. By raising awareness we can reduce stigma, increase knowledge about the issue, and expand and improve the special services provided for victims. However, raising awareness only in response to a woman trying to raise awareness about female victims is a) wrong and b) unhelpful. Men often use other men's suffering as a tool; by bringing attention to the fact they are also victims, men are able to assuage their guilt or threat of being seen as attackers and retain their dominance, while at the same time dismissing actual victims by enforcing hegemonic masculinity. It is wrong to use others' suffering as an excuse for oneself or to suppress women. And more importantly, it doesn't help either cause.

Raise awareness for male victims and do it wholeheartedly, not as a tool, and not in response to another cause. Give it the importance it deserves, and allow other causes, such as female rights, to have the limelight and importance they deserve as well.

activism
Like

About the Creator

Bea Santos

21 year old Pyschology student who doesn't know what she wants from herself 🤗💩💃🏼

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.