Vagina Troubles and How to Prevent Them

Okay, so I decided to take a break from writing about Disneyland to address a topic that is really important to me: VAGINA HEALTH. Ladies...It is shocking to me that in the time of amazing accessibility we live in, SO MANY OF YOU don't know how to take care of your beautiful, wonderful, lady parts!

Honestly. Google isn't just for porn people. Not to mention we have a million different resources like Pinterest, and Youtube, and plain old-fashioned books. If something funky is going on with your "honeypot," there is usually a blog post about it. I know some of you readers might be a little young, and your parents probably discourage internet research so you don't see any "butts" as Tina from Bobs Burgers would put it, however, it is never too early nor too late to start learning about your body and how you can best take care of it. Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, so I will not be giving medical advice here. I will be using some semi-graphic examples so if ye are o' the squeamish sort...ye be warned.

The following account is a true story: I have a friend who recently got married. My husband and I had recently moved away and had no funds to attend this wedding, so we watched the live feed and sent them our congratulations via text message. That night as we were giggling about their wedding night in progress, we got a phone call from the bride! "Guess what?" she said with a laugh "I have a yeast infection!"

Shocked I was like ,"I mean are you sure? The first time can really hurt..." (Silly me, I thought they were still virgins.) Sure enough what she described sounded like a yeast infection. They pretty much make your vagina itch and burn like crazy. Think of the itchiest you've ever been and multiply it by ten. It suuuuuucks. So turns out, she had no idea how to take care of herself to prevent those things from happening. The number one mistake women make is taking bubble baths. Now your vagina isn't what I would call "fragile" but it does need care. If you take baths with soaps, bubble bath, bath bombs, and body wash you are risking that soapy water entering your vagina. Weird as it may seem, we have a certain level of bacteria inside us keeping our vagina healthy and clean all by itself. So if soapy water gets up in there, it will unbalance the PH (the level of acid and base...science stuff) and cause yucky bacteria to grow and cause itchy hell. Fun fact: bacteria build up can also cause urinary tract infections, which makes you have the burning non-stop urge to pee and cramping like a mofo. So back to my friend: she is notorious for taking bubble baths rather than showers, so I told her that was a big no-no. I also told her the second way to get a yeast infection every time: sex with dirty junk.

I DON'T FRICKIN CARE WHAT THEY DO IN THE MOVIES. DO NOT HAVE SEX IF YOU BOTH HAVEN'T SHOWERED AT LEAST ONCE THAT DAY. DO NOT TOUCH EACH OTHER'S JUNK IF YOU HAVEN'T WASHED YOUR HANDS RECENTLY. AND FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY DO NOT GO FOR "ROUND TWO" WITHOUT RINSING OFF FIRST!

I have done it. We all frickin do it. Why? Because we're trying to be "in the moment" and all "romantic." Well, stop it. It's stupid. Do you know what kind of nasty bacteria is in your mouth? On your hands? On a penis that has been in sweaty jeans all day? On a vagina that hasn't had the panty liner changed out in eight hours? DO YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT? No, and that's why you get itchy as hell infections and want to kill your partner, and never do oral ever again.

Back to the urinary tract infections: if you don't want to have those, same rules apply. Also, after sex, pee. Both of you. It will flush out the stuff that got up in there during sexy time. Just in case you didn't know, the pee hole is called the urethra, and it is a completely different hole than the vagina hole. So peeing will not save your vagina from bacteria because it's not the same place.

My third bit of advice is kind of a summary of some of the things I mentioned earlier while I was yelling... have good hygiene. Shower daily, if you use panty liners (which I suggest because they trap fluids and keep odors at bay) change them out at least three times a day. If you need a quick way to freshen up after the gym or want to be clean for a sexual encounter, carry packets of feminine wipes that are PH balanced. Always wipe from front to back so that you don't get any cross contamination from using the potty. These things should help keep infections at bay.

I feel like I need to wrap this up, but just so you know before I end, these tips will help but you might have other issues that aren't just "bad habits" and so if you struggle with infections down there, please, please, please see your doctor. My advice helped my friend but she hasn't healed from her infection for over a month and that is WAY too long not to have sex. She could have an allergy for all we know, so it's important to find out about your body and how it works.

Girls, there are a lot of things that can go wrong with your lady parts, but I don't want you to be afraid of them. Especially, please don't be afraid of having fun with your partner. The vagina is wonderful and can be a source of the best pleasure you will experience in your life. I am so passionate about this subject, so I might have been a little harsh, but it's because I want every woman out there to be informed and healthy so that she can feel good and enjoy her vagina rather than hate it.

I hope that this was helpful to you and informative. If there are any concerns or comments please ask me anytime. I want to help, and I promise I'm not always a grump about it, I just want you to learn!

Love you ladies! See ya!