The Subject Taking Over the Media Right Now...Consent

All I hear about on the news right now is this person got accused of sexual misconduct or this person got fired for allegations of misconduct and we have all seen the #metoo all over social media. One thing I have not heard much about with this uproar is when consent needs to be applied. The answer is always! It doesn't matter if you have known a person for years, or you just met them or if you're in a relationship with this person or even if you're married to them, consent needs to be given every time, no matter what.

If you're married to someone, it doesn't mean you're open for your partner's sexual pleasure whenever they want it. If you say no, it means NO! If you do not give consent, it means NO! I was married to someone who thought it was okay to have sex with me in the middle of the night without asking, just because we were married. I can't count how many times I got woken up by this or how many times I would wake and have to ask why there is cum seeping out of me; some mornings it would be from multiple places. At the time, I thought it was okay, because we were married. But you think a lot of behaviors that are wrong are alright when you love someone dearly. But NO! That is never okay, no matter who the other person is or how you may feel about them. Now being a woman who has been abused by this person in every way but by being beat, I became very scared that the abuse would turn to be violent, so I became terrified to fight back.

I know this is a hard subject, for anyone who's gone through something similar, to talk about or read about or hear about. It's making me upset in so many ways just to be writing about it, but this is something I feel needs to be talked about, because it is so not okay! I know there must be other women out there who are going through the same thing I went through and just because you love someone and you took a vow does not mean you're their sex slave to fulfill their every sexual desire whenever they want.

After I had a major wake up call and realized that my marriage was an abusive relationship and I couldn't do anything to change the situation, I had to leave. When I decided to leave my partner wanted one more thrill. They asked if it was okay and said "No! I am not okay with this" and they asked "but can I do this?" and I responded with the same answer about 30 times "I am not okay with this" as they laid me down and had their way with me as I repeated with tears rolling down my face terrified to fight back "I am not okay with this!"...As much as I would love to forget that moment, no matter how hard I try, I can't get the image of that moment of betrayal out of my head and those words just on repeat in my head "I am not okay with this!"

The person I loved more than anything in the world, the person I wanted more than anything to spend the rest of my life with, violated me more times than I can ever count and couldn't understand my clear assertive words..."No! I am not okay with this!" Every time I try to question how the person I loved so much could have treated me the way they did, those words just repeat in my head and remind me that it was never about loving me and sharing our lives together; it was about their own selfish sexual pleasure being satisfied by trapping someone loyal, like me, with the illusion of love.

Stand your ground no matter how hard it is and never try to convince yourself that someone loves you the same way that you love them.

I am not okay with this. And I never will be okay with this again.