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The Story of My Hair

Strength After Weakness

I had shaved my head last spring. Many asked, “Did you have a Britney Spears moment?” “Why would you cut it all off?”

My answer, “Because I have always wanted to and essentially just said fuck it.” 🤷🏼‍♀️ I have had many hairstyles over the years. Purple, red, blonde, long, short, bob, bangs, and yes, even braids.

Yes, all of that was part of my reason. The other part...? I was cutting my past away. Shaving my head was symbolic for me personally because I have been through many things in my life. A shaved head to me equaled a “fresh start.”

Then the month of August comes. See, I had been talking to this man for a couple months and he finally changed my mind in August.

“You should stop cutting your hair and grow it out. I like girls with hair better and you would look so much more beautiful.”

These are the words which made me decide in August to grow my hair out. Yes, I told everyone, “It’s too cold to be bald during winter time up in these Minnesota streets.” Which is fairly true, but the real reason...? The real reason was for a man.

See we were seeing each other but not officially “together.” Being foolish (like how some women can be) I thought that maybe, just maybe if I grew my hair out and looked more “pretty” he would make things official with me.

It has now been 5 months of growing my hair out and you want to know where I am with this guy? He’s gone. Out of the picture completely. Growing my hair out (like every sane person would know) did not keep him interested.

Maybe if I had worn more makeup like he asked? Maybe if when I wore my glasses but wore makeup I would look “cuter” in them? Maybe if I had gone to the gym just a little bit more?

Is this really all that men desire? The “perfect” woman. But when they can’t find her, they settle for less and try to turn that “less of a woman” into their dream girl?

I do not have flawless skin, I do not wear makeup every day, I do not constantly get my nails done, I do not have a flat stomach, and I DO NOT FIT SOCIETY’S STANDARDS.

There are and will always be women more beautiful than me. Women who wear makeup daily, who constantly go to the gym, who spend money on designer things, who goes out to the club and can attract men just by sitting in their presence.

I AM NOT THAT WOMAN. I hardly ever wear makeup, I really only go to the gym when I feel bad about myself, I would rather spend my money on bills over materialistic/designer things, and I do not attract men by sitting in their presence. I have to literally wear a skin-tight dress or show off my assets just to get a man's attention.

I AM;  however, a woman that knows now that if a good man will love me it will be because of what he sees INSIDE of me.... not just what’s on the OUTSIDE. He will see my personality, my soul, and what is deep within my heart.

So until that man comes around...I will wait. BALD HEADED AND PROUD until a man comes around and appreciates who I am. Without the hair, without the makeup, without their desires and illusions of “perfect” being fulfilled by ME. Take me as I am or else leave me THE FUCK ALONE. I am Lea and I will NOT settle for anything less than I deserve. ✊🏻

#RespectMe

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