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I was 16 when I tried my hand at online dating, at the time I didn't think about the dangers and didn't get how easy it is to get pulled into the black magic of the online world and the online people. Everyone is so different online; it's like there is some kind of virtual confidence or cockiness that people get every time the screen gets turned on. I just wish I could have seen the truth behind the screen when I met my first boyfriend online because I thought he was amazing but I quickly figured out how wrong I was. Now I know what you are thinking, most people have their first boyfriend in like first grade or something, but I was a weird kid who couldn't make friends. But anyway, I got my first boyfriend at 16 almost 17 and in my OMG this my first boyfriend, we are gonna be together forever stupid teenage mind I thought he was perfect I never saw the red flags that were screaming right into my face jumping up and down begging to be seen but I was blind and stupid. There were so many red flags that I just couldn't see but there was 4 big bright fire truck red flags that should of got my attention.
The first red flag that I should have seen was that he kept his dating profile up and stay active on it all the time. He was always on his phone talking to other people even those he would tell me that it wasn't anything and the messages would always be gone by the time he would let me look at his phone but I tried not to pay any mind to it.
The second red flag that I should have seen was that he would lie about the stupidest, littlest things and just didn't care when I caught him. I never understood why he would lie in the first place but then so forth coming with the truth or at least what he made me believe was the truth when he got caught I just didn't get it.
The third red flag that I should have seen is how fast he wanted to rush the sexual things of our relationship. It was just so fast that I was so worried to be alone with him that I would find reasons to stay around people. I always tried to make sure that we were never alone, until the one time that we were alone. It felt so forced and I was so confused, I was so lost, I didn't know what to believe or how to feel all I know is it was not sex, or at least what sex was supposed to be.
I broke up with him but that didn't stop him which brings me to the forth red flag I should have seen is when the mental abuse started. I was such a loving, caring person and still confused on what happened between him and I and he played on that. He knew the right words to say and the right ways to play them and the right ways to play me and I fell right into it. While he would talk to other girls on his dating profile during the day, I would always be his last call at night. While I would lay in bed half asleep he would call me threatening to kill himself if we didn't get back together and this went on for two months.
Two months of him mind fucking me because I knew I didn't want him back.Every part of my body knew I didn't want him back but I also knew that I didn't want him to kill himself because of me, I couldn't and wouldn't even begin to know how to live with that. I did everything in my power to keep him off of what I thought was the ledge he was on without giving him what he wanted which was us back together, it took so much out of me, thinking that I am the only thing keeping someone from killing themselves but I didn't care. I didn't realize the damage I was doing to myself thinking I was trying to save his life while he was playing me for a fool and I was letting him. I fell for his games and lies all because I wanted to believe that no one was capable of that kind of mental abuse, that no one would be so wicked but I guess that is what online connecting does, it create monsters out of innocent people and creates a type of abuse that only social media can create and makes innocent people lose their worth.
These are the red flags that I should have seen but I didn't and I hope my experience can help someone else before that get caught up in something that they can't see until it's too late.