The One Who Abused...

Every story begins with happy, rejoicing moments. With relationships, you start something new thinking this is the best thing to ever happen, thinking you know your partner, but in reality, every human being has their demons. Not knowing who your partner fully or truly is can be dangerous. When relationships start, it seems like it is a honeymoon phase for the first couple of months, meaning that everything seems perfect and nothing bad is ever going to happen to either of you. Until everything comes crashing down all at once.

I met him when my best friend was dating him. No. That's a lie. He saw me when I was walking home from school one afternoon when he was walking his dog. I noticed him, his dog, and how he held himself. He looked content; strong. He spoke to me with kind words and was a gentleman. For what I didn't know at the time, he had been walking his dog in the same route ever since just to see me for just a few minutes. He fell in love with me at the very first sight.

I didn't see him for a while until my friend invited me over for some drinks and to have a good night. I knocked on the door and there he was, shocked to see me. We didn't break eye contact for a few minutes until my friend came to see what was taking so long. He told her we were just talking about his dog and how much I loved her when I saw her. We went and drank and had a fun night as the guys were putting on chainmail and a knight helmet that this man made. They took turns swinging a real sword at each other, laughing. I left as they started and went home because my parents didn't know where I was. And this, this is where it all began.

Months passed and I was just finishing high school. It was April of 2017. I had my life together at that time. A wonderful, loving boyfriend who I thought I loved deeply, a new job at a bar as a cook, and I was no longer ashamed of my body and physical features. He messaged me when I was in class saying he and my friend broke up and he needed someone to talk to. I had a spare block so I was able to sneak off the school property to see him.

When I got there, he was a mess. He had been crying and looked like he hadn't ate anything or showered for a few days. We sat on his bed and had a few cigarettes to calm down and allowed him to explain everything that had happened. Then all of a sudden, he kissed me. I was shocked and angry at myself because I was with someone who made me very happy. But something about that kiss made me feel alive and made me excited and left me wanting more. He flipped me over and began kissing my neck, slowly removing my shirt, kissing all the way down as he was unbuttoning my pants. I allowed it. I allowed it because I was not thinking about my boyfriend. I was only focused on the now and what was about to happen. An hour passes and I look over at him and apologize profusely because I had a boyfriend. He chuckled softly, "I want to be your man. I will always be here for you, always. Get rid of that little boy, I am a man. And I will treat you like a woman."

I was hooked.

I stayed with my boyfriend, only because this man had just gotten out of a relationship. As well he was eight years older than me, what would my parents think? We still met up time to time to hook up, though doing so made me fall deeper and deeper in love with him. I couldn't tell my boyfriend. It would just destroy him.

That August, I broke up with my boyfriend. During grad trip in July 2017, we went to the Dominican Republic for a week to enjoy the sun and celebrate graduating. While there, my boyfriend took me on a walk on the beach during sunset and it was beautiful. He told me to look at the ocean so he can take a picture. When I turned around, he was down on one knee asking me to marry him. My mind was racing. We were only 18. I said yes of course, and we stayed together the whole night and celebrated with friends on the party beach. Everyone was happy for us. But happiness had to come to an end. He didn't ask my parents' blessing, nor inform his parents what he was doing. They were outraged with us—him more than me. He called off the engagement two days later as I was waiting for my flight back home in Montreal, Canada. It broke my heart. He even did it over text. We stayed together for about a month after. It was never the same, so I called off the relationship. I never spoke to him again until everything happened with the man.

The man and I started going out. We kept it quiet and on the down low because of my friend, now his ex, as well as my parents. We dated on and off for a few months. It was amazing. I loved him so much; however, I found his demons. He was an alcoholic, had anger issues, and was a drug abuser. He smoked weed, did coke, shrooms, and molly. He knew never to push me as it was not the lifestyle I wanted; however, I smoked weed occasionally.

We went to a friend's place to have some drinks. They, of course, were doing drugs as well. Later in the night we started arguing. He got angry and left back to his place. I followed, being worried. I went inside his apartment to find things smashed and destroyed. I tried calming him down and he seemed to get even more furious, angry, raging out on me, yelling in my face, telling me I am worthless and that I mean nothing to him. He told me to leave before he hurts me. I didn't listen. I stayed.

He started punching the walls, screaming in anger, breaking the coffee table by just punching it, throwing it almost through the window. I went to stop him, he shoved me into the wall yelling in my face; he didn't care that I was afraid. It seemed like he wanted me to be. I tried grabbing him and he pinned me so hard he dislocated my thumb and wrist. I tried getting out. Though as I tried, he just seemed to pin me harder, dislocating my shoulder. I remember screaming in pain. Now I was afraid. He didn't care that he had hurt me. He wanted to see the fear in my eyes. He let me go, locking himself in the bathroom. He was screaming still. I called our friend we were hanging out with that night to tell her what happened and that she needed to come calm him down. She came with a guy, just in case. They came in and I was covered in blood. Is that my blood? Her friend picked me up and felt me shaking, took me to the hospital to get taken care of. I told them I fell. I still had blood all over me. It was his blood. They found no cuts on me. They sent me home after they had fixed my arm. I went back to my man's house. I was worried. He was drunk. It was not his fault, was it? I knew some people got aggressive when they drink sometimes, but this was torture. But I still loved him, didn't I? We pulled an all nighter. It was almost 7 AM. We left and went to the bar and drank. My work had called me to cover his shift, but I said no and that it had to deal with me as well. We still drank. A week later, he quit at the bar.

A month later, he tried committing suicide. There was a lot going on. I had to tell his new girlfriend what had all happened to me with him. Hers was worse. He put a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her.

I forgave him—a month ago now. But I will never be friends with him. I know he has a mental illness and is getting clean with drugs and only drinks occasionally now. We talk sometimes when he needs someone to talk to, and I am okay with that. I am happier than ever now. I have an amazing boyfriend who I know I love very much, an apartment, and a puppy. I thank him sometimes, the man. Because if I never was involved with him, I would never be where I am now. I would never have met the love of my life, wouldn't have my dog. Everything is better.

Please

If you or anyone you know is struggling with abuse, please reach out for help. Just cause you love each other does not mean you have to stay and deal with the pain.