The Life I Lived Before You (Chapter 1)

Chapter 1

Raped

It was 8:00 PM and she stood in front of the bathroom mirror getting ready for bed. Her reflection staring back at her. Her hair, which she dyed the week before, flowed down past her shoulders. I was originally brown but she wanted a change. Now it was a lush brown with blonde highlights. Her brown eyes sparkled as the light shone down at her, making her almost look angelic. She was five feet exact and weighed 112 and her face was slim and her eyebrows were trimmed to perfection. Her teeth were all straight from the years of dental work she had undergone to correct them. She indeed was perfection, but she had a secret she couldn't tell anyone.

She is only 14 years old, and she and her mother are close, except she doesn't even know. She can't know, Sam thought. She brushes her teeth and crawls into bed. She lays in her bed in the quiet of the night. Her mom’s at work again, like she was every weekday night. She doesn't even know what dads been doing to her while she’s at work. She prays tonight that it doesn't happen again like it does every day that her mom is gone. Why does this happen to me? I don't get it, what did I do so wrong? She thinks to herself.

It has been three years since things started happening and she once again couldn’t do anything. The first-time things started happening her dad threatened that he would hurt her siblings if it wasn’t her and that he would make her seem like she was crazy and make the sexual abuse worse. Come to think of it everything started when she started getting her times.

She starts to shake as she hears his footsteps creep closer to her door, it creaks open. Oh God not again. Please not again. She says to herself as tears fall down her face. He walks slowly to her bed. Sometime in the night, she ended up falling asleep because she woke up to her alarm at 6:30. She gets up and goes into her en-suit and looks in the mirror. Her hair is a knotted mess like it is every morning. She lets the water fall onto her, trying to think about everything that happened the night before. She shivers and proceeds to wash the shame away. She gets out and dries off. She gets out the pregnancy test she had hidden in the drawer and pees on it. For the last couple of weeks, she has been feeling sick and she was three days late for her monthly and she was always on time. While she waits she puts on her white lacy bra and underwear set her mom got her for her birthday, the blue t-shirt with her favorite band Linkin Park, the black sweater with the same band name, and her torn jeans she begged her mother for. She takes her cover-up and dabs it over her face like she did every day, brushes her hair and looks herself over one last time before looking down at the test again. Pink lines forming a plus shows up, she slides it off the counter and thinks how could he have been so careless, opens the door and hides the pain that's eating her alive inside and the new life she just found out about growing inside her.

She can smell the food mother cooked for breakfast. She walks to the kitchen smiling. It was the perfect family breakfast setting. Her two youngest siblings were sitting at the table laughing over what the other had said and her mom was washing the dishes she had used to cook with.

"Hey, mom! What did you make? It smells great!” she looks over at the two siblings, “Hey Dylan and Lettie.” She looks over to her mom and asks, “Where are Iris and Ricky this morning?” She kisses her mom’s cheek.

"Good morning honey. How did you sleep? Your brother and sister went with friends to school today. Dylan, you need to sit and eat your food."

"I don't want to mom! No school today. I want to stay home with mommy"! My 5-year-old brother responded.

"If he doesn’t have to go I don't want to either! Mommy and Dylan and me day!" Lettie says with excitement.

Lettie and Dylan were identical twins. Dylan was the leader and that left Lettie to be the follower. They did everything together, even complaining about going to school.

"No guys, everyone is going to school today," Mom says after serving the rest of the breakfast for Sam, she continues the dishes.

"Aww," the twins groaned.

"Sam don't forget you have to come straight home and watch the twins. Iris has a play practice and Ricky has a football game."

"I know mom, I remember. Is grandma picking me up or do I have to take the bus home?"

"You're going to have to ride the bus today, sorry sweetie. I forgot to tell you uncle Todd had an accident last night and had to go to the hospital, so grandma is going to spend time with him there while he is in recovery. He barely missed his artery when he flew over his motorcycle. He’s lucky to be alive. Good thing for those helmets." She looks over at the clock, "Shit, you are going to have to rush to eat today. I have a doctor’s appointment at 8 AM today so I need to drop you guys off early." She drops a plate she was drying. She jumps back almost knocking the chair over, "Damn it".

"Mom, you ok?" Sam asks.

"I'm fine!" she snaps.

"Okay, mom. Let me finish eating and I'll go get the twins in the car for you, or would you like me to clean up for you," she gets up and places her hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry about it I'll just do it. Just go get your stuff and meet us in the car."

"Mom it's no problem let me help, you don't have to do this on your own."

"NO JUST GET READY DAMN IT!" She pushes Sam back. Sam catches herself.

It was at that moment that she remembers that her mom has yet to sleep. While her mom got all the broken dish picked up off the floor Sam grabs her backpack and puts her shoes on, then starts to get the twins ready.

"Sam, mommy said bad words," Dylan says

"I know Dylan. Mommy is very tired, so let’s hurry and get ready and go out to the car ok?

"Okay, Sammy." He hugs her.

Sam finishes getting the twins ready and heads out. She straps them in their car seats just as mom has always shown her. They sit and wait. A minute later her mom arrives and gets in the car and starts it.

Mom looks over at me and says, "Thank you, Sam. I appreciate you getting the twins ready for me. I am very sorry for pushing you." Her eyes start to swell with tears. "I-I'm just so tired. I just wish I worked normal hours like your father."

"I know mom. What time does dad get off tonight?

"7:30 PM I have so much to do today, I don't have time to nap today.”

"What time is Ricky's game today?"

"4:30. Why?"

"Mom, I want you to go to the store, after your doctor’s appointment, and buy a precooked meal for supper tonight. I want you to go home and take a nap. I will pick up the twins from school and we will walk home and wake you up for Ricky's game and the house will be clean and food will be on the table for everyone. I don't want you to worry about anything," Sam looks over at her mom and smiles. "We will be okay. You do so much for us. You work to make sure we have everything and more, you make sure food is on the table and that we have clean clothes and a clean house. You deserve a break. When was the last time you did something for just you? When was the last time you got to take a shower? Alone even."

Her mom looks at her. Tears falling from her eyes. This is the first time Sam caught a glimpse of her mother’s appearance. Her slender face had worry lines across them, mascara from the night before ran down her face from all the crying. Her brown hair was in a messy bun because she didn't have time to brush it. Her brown eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and she had bags under her eyes. It was also at that moment her mother was not only getting older, but she survived on caffeine. Sam can't even remember the last time her mother slept. Her eyes welled up with tears and finally, she spoke.

"Wh-what did I do to deserve such a wonderful daughter." Her voice shaking.

"It's nothing mom. Let’s get to school so you can get to sleep. Just don't worry about anything tonight. I'll even tell dad you did everything. And if dad complains about supper tonight just tell him we begged for it as a meal tonight. I know how he can be about having an actual cooked meal." She hugs her and they all head for school.

While at school Sam meets up with Neisa (NEE-sa), her best friend since she was 4-years-old. They are as inseparable now as they were when they were four. Neisa weighed and was the same height as Sam. She had dark brown hair which was long and curly. Neisa lived in a family which was poorer than all the other kids who went to the school attended. She didn’t have perfect teeth or perfect hair but she was the perfect friend to have. Her blue eyes shone as she looked at Sam.

“Hey, best friend!” Sam said.

“What’s cooking good looking.” Neisa jokes. They hug and giggle.

“We need to talk. I found out some news that I am unsure about. Can we go somewhere more private”?

“Yea! Let’s go see if the bathroom is clear.” They walk arm and arm to the girl’s restroom. The check to make sure all the stalls are empty. “So, spill it Sam. You never ask to go somewhere private. Are you ok?” she asks worriedly.

“I’m pregnant and it’s not Michael's.” Sam starts crying. Neisa hugs her.

“I’m going to kill that bastard! I don’t think I can keep this little secret any longer. You said you handled it and that it stopped. Why did you lie to me?”

“I couldn’t tell you it was continuing. I said you’d tell. I’m sorry but my siblings and mom mean more to me than getting raped. It was me or them and it would get worse for me. Last night was the worst it had been. He put it somewhere else that he hadn’t before and I blacked out from the pain. I think I’m not doing good enough anymore for him or maybe he thought I was going to tell. I was ok with doing what he wanted and I even stopped fighting so it wouldn’t hurt anymore. I would picture Michael as he did it so he thought I enjoyed it. He liked it that way. It still scares me every night that he came in because I never knew if it would escalate to be worse or not when it wasn’t I would let it happen… I think I was almost starting to like it.” She gags saying that, “...that sounds horrible. I looked up what it meant and the most similar thing to what was going on that explained it was Stockholm’s syndrome.”

Neisa hugs Sam and says, “Please stop. You don’t need to explain. I love you no matter what.” She stops hugging Sam and Sam is now crying. “You’re doing what you can to survive in your situation and that’s completely ok. Have you and Michael had sex yet? Because if you haven’t you can’t hide this anymore or you can have sex with him for the next couple nights and tell him it’s his.”

“We had our first time 2 weeks ago. He wore a condom though. I could tell him it broke and it’s not like he kept track of when we did it. My dad was pissed that night because I got home late. My parents don’t know I have a boyfriend. Even with me getting home that late he didn’t do it as bad as last night. I was still really sore from what he did and I told Michael that is what happens when you have your first time.” The bathroom door opens. Another student has walked in. “Let’s go see if Michael is here today."

“Okay.” They walk arm in arm and find Michael an empty music classroom. When they find Michael, he is looking down at some sheet music trying to learn the newest song he’s writing. His short dirty blond hair flowed perfectly across both sides of his face and his eyes were as blue as the sky on a clear day. He was taller than most 14-year-olds in their class and had a slim face. He and Sam have known each other since the 1st grade and have been close since and had started dating last year.

“Hey, baby,” Sam says, “What song are you learning today?”

Michael looks up and smiles, “Hey beautiful. I’m actually trying to piece together a song I decided to write.”

“Can I hear it?” Sam sits down next to him on the bench.

Michael quickly closes the book he was writing in and sets the guitar down. “It’s not ready for anyone to hear it yet.” He looks at Neisa and winks without Sam seeing. Sam’s birthday is coming up in the next couple months and he wants to get this song perfect.

“Okay,” Sam sighs, “If you say so. I like when you play me your songs while you are fine-tuning them though.”

“I know, beautiful. But this one isn’t in the process of fine-tuning. I’m still trying to get all the words together.” He looks over to Sam and kisses. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Sam smiles.

Neisa clears her throat as she does every time they kiss and are doing couple-like things. “Well, I think that’s my queue to leave.”

Sam looks up. “Wait not yet. I want you here.” She looks at Michael. “There’s something we need to talk about.” She looks down.

“What’s up? Are you ok?” Sam starts crying, “Hey, hey none of that now. Tell me what’s up.”

“Michael, I’m pregnant.”

He hugs her tightly. Something Sam hadn’t thought would happen. “And why are you crying about that. Things happen and I’m not going to walk out on you. We are in this together. I love you so much, baby. We will get through this.” He kisses her lips. “I have to ask though. Are you keeping it or?”

“I’m keeping it, Michael. How can you ask me such a thing? You…” She starts crying more

Michael softly cuts her off, “Hey, hey please stop crying. I know you have told me a billion times that you don’t believe in abortion, and I respect that. I had to ask so I knew whether to be happy or sad about it. I know we are only 14 but I am so happy to have a baby with you. It’s not what I was expecting yes and honestly, I was hoping this would happen when we were more on our feet but it’s happening now and that just means we can love this baby longer.”

“Michael?” She starts crying more. I can’t lie to him. I must tell him it’s not his.

“Yes beautiful.” He wipes a tear away.

“Please don’t get mad…”

“What are you doing Sam!” Neisa yells.

“I have to tell him! It’s not fair to him”

Michael pulls away and stands up from the bench. “Tell me. It’s not mine, is it? Did you cheat on me?” Michael's face starts to turn red, “that’s it isn’t it! Fucking say it Sam.” Sam’s head is between her hands and she’s now sobbing

“Michael please calm down it’s not what you think. She wouldn't cheat on you, she loves you so much. She’s scared to even tell you, but please don’t make what she says next something that breaks you two up. Please, Michael, she needs you!”

Michaels' face is still angry and red. “What, what is it. Some one-night stand? Fucking-a Sam, I love you with everything I have how could you do this to me?!”

Oblivious to them fellow students were starting to trickle in and were watching.

“Michael, I was fucking RAPED!” Sam gets up and kids move to the side as she runs out the door crying.

They both realize kids were watching them. “If any of you say a word about this I will hunt you all down and beat you. This is not something you all need to be spreading around the school because that would ruin her. If anything spread that the baby is mine you hear me!” They all nod. “Good, now if you will excuse me I got to go get her to forgive me. I am such an ass and I just let her walk out of here.”

“I’ll come too. Before we go, Michael, her running off wasn’t your fault. I would have been angry too. You were feeling like you were hurt and betrayed, and that ended up not being the case. It happens sometimes. Let’s find her and make this right.” He nods, grabs his book and they both leave.

They start to head down the hall while Neisa grabs her cell phone out of her pocket and starts to call Sam. To her surprise, she answers.

“Sam where are you?”

Sam is crying, “Wh-why does it matter? I have nothing now. I’m just some sex slave to my dad, my boyfriend doesn’t even want me, I’m no good to anyone.”

Neisa stops in her tracks, causing Michael to also stop. “Sam where are you! Seriously please tell me, I can’t lose you over some guy. Tell me where you are and I’ll be there for you.”

Michael's face turns white as he has figured out that she is suicidal. Neisa puts up a finger to her mouth to signal for Michael not to say anything. He nods back.

“I-I can’t do this anymore Neisa. I can’t do this without him. He was my escape. Please just let me go.”

“No, Sam. I can’t. I love you too much. Please tell me where you are so we can talk about this. I’ll help you, but you have to tell me where you are. Please, you’re all I got to remember. My parents don’t even care. I need you!”

“The parking lot looks so small from here.” The line drops.

“Michael, the roof lets go now!” They both book it up the stairs and go up the stairs leading up to the roof.

Michael slams through the door “Sam don’t, please. You can’t leave me!”

Sam goes to turn and look and her foot slips. Michael runs to the edge just barely catching her hand.

Sam looks up crying “Wh-what are you doing here?”

“I told you I would always love you. I was just mad and I shouldn’t have said what I did.” He starts to pull her up. “Don’t let go. I got you. I will always have you. Neisa come over and help, I can’t grab her other arm or she’ll fall.” Neisa goes over and grabs her other hand and they start to pull her up.

Sam hugs Michael, “I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to go over”

“I know I saw your foot slip. Its ok now I got you. I’ll never let you go. We are in this until the end.” He kisses her. “Forever.”

***

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Stay tuned for chapter 2!