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The Fat Girl Chronicles

It's not as easy as it looks.

By Ashley RobertsonPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Fat. Chubby. Large. Overweight. Obese. Plus size. Sometimes we chose to be fat. Others it is a disorder due to a disease or illness. But others—they used it as a shield and coping with eating stuff made them feel good because let's face it, it really was delicious...

I myself am sure how I got there. I got there due to body shaming from people around me, very very low self esteem, and eating my emotions. It got so out of control that the words above became the truth. I know there are other people out there that feel the same. It started when I was maybe 12. I started gaining a little weight but then again I was a little underweight at that time. Then I started gaining more to where my family started noticing. They would say, "oh looking a little chubby there" or "oh wow getting a little thick on the sides and tummy"... Ouch... One blow after another... They kept piling up and piling up until I started believing it. That is the worst feeling... I can't imagine how or why people go out of their way to make people feel like crap.

Then high school rolled around. I was severely depressed and obese. I reached a critical time in my life... Then the taunts came, from peers and family alike. "Oh hey fatass, ever heard of the gym?" "Hey, what are you doing, walking fat rolls?" "Hey fatty. Where are your snacks? Hidden in all that fat?" They would laugh and stand there pointing fingers. As I got older things just progressively got worse. I kept eating and eating. My self esteem was at an all time low. I had no help with coping with everything. My parents were going through a very nasty divorce that lasted two years. Then things started gradually getting better. I found a job that helped me lose a lot of weight and it made me feel better. A lot better. About my body. About my self esteem. But then that job ended and then I gained all my weight back. And a little more.

I know people will say, "why don't you do anything about it" or "get off your ass, lazy?" You know, to those people that do, I can tell you it is so so fucking hard to get up and get motivated when you feel so shitty about yourself and you want to curl up in a ball and disappear because you feel so, so bad about your body. Your mind is kind of a trap or labyrinth that you feel there is no end to or to even know where to begin. But that is ok. My point of this article or story is it is ok to not know where to start. It is ok to feel the way you do because five to one, there are hundreds maybe even thousands of ladies and even men out there that feel the same way. It takes time to get out of that black hole. Trust me I know. I didn't know where to start. Still don't have a clue. But I am taking baby steps in the right direction. So I guess I am beginning my journey again to self discovery and renewal and lessen the chub.

So to all the ladies and gentlemen out there, you are the one in control. You can do this. You can fight. I know it will be hard and you will have lapse in judgement and it will be extremely hard but you can do this. I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! Thank you to anyone that took the time to read this to the end!!

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About the Creator

Ashley Robertson

I am a beginner at writing life stories and short stories on this site. But I have been writing since I was 7. I am an imaginative realist and I like to help people and I am a big animal advocate so don't push me w/ animal abuse I will win

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