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The Boy Who Didn’t Accept No for an Answer

'Why on earth did I think it was my fault? Because I was taught that if I say no and someone doesn’t listen, I didn’t say no loud enough.'

By Sara LeePublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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There are this boy and this girl. They met once before at a party, but they didn’t really get to know each other. So they talked over Instagram messages for a few months after the party and decided to go on a date.

The boy picked the girl up at her house, went out for a drink with her and then they went to the movies afterward. They flirted a little, but nothing more.

So I’m this girl. This seems like a pretty normal date right? I thought so too. The guy didn’t try anything or make a move so I felt pretty at ease. Then on the way back, he asked if I wanted to go inside his apartment, talk a little longer and grab another drink. I told him, “Sure but I’m not the kind of girl who hooks up with guys on the first date.” He insisted that’s not what he meant at all, he just wanted to chat a little longer. I thought, OK what's the harm in that.

We went inside, he offered me a drink in the kitchen. I drank it while asking him questions about his family, friends, hobbies, etc. He sat away from me and then walked into the bedroom. I stayed in the kitchen. He calls me into the bedroom. “I want to show you this, come here,” he said. I hesitated, but peered into the bedroom. He sat there with some kind of book. “Oh, thank god,” I thought. “I feel stupid for thinking something else,” I said to myself.

He told me that this was some kind of journal. After maybe two minutes of looking at it, he closed it and tried to kiss me. I leaned out of the kiss. “Oh sorry, I think it’s time I go home," I said quietly. He looked at me and said, “Oh sorry, I thought you liked me, that’s all." I told him that, yeah I liked him, but I didn’t want to kiss him. He leaned in again, I leaned away again. “I want to go home.” This time I said it louder and more clearly, as I stood up. “Well, I just think you’re so pretty though,” he said while standing up too.

Now in my mind, I’m panicking. It was hard enough to tell him no once, let alone twice. Why on earth isn’t he understanding? He must not get it, that's all. I must not be clear enough. All these thoughts are running through my head.

“Please, can you drive me home?”

“Just stay a little longer, give a guy a break.”

“No I really want to go home.”

He grabbed me and kissed me, I pulled away but he held me tight and kissed me. He continued kissing me until I gave in, thinking that all he wanted was a kiss. I didn’t want to make him angry. “See, I’m not that bad,” he said. “OK can I go now?” He took off his shirt and replied, “Not yet.”

Now I was terrified. How do I get out of this? I went up here, I said it was OK if we went inside. I shouldn’t have gone inside with him. I can’t say no anymore. I have to get home somehow. I didn’t tell my mom I was going on a date. I told her I was just hanging out with a friend. I can’t call her, she’d be mad.

I stared at him. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Fine,” he said.

I locked myself in the bathroom, contemplating my options. I could just get it over with and never see him again. I really don’t want to. Don’t be a pussy. It’s just one time then it’s done. Fine, I don’t like it but what other options do I have?

I went back into the room, hoping he’d had a change of heart. He was now only in his underwear, staring at me. “Come here,” he insisted. I sat beside him.

“I don’t want this,” I whispered. It didn’t stop him, what started with making out, lead to him taking off my clothes. I just laid there, with my eyes closed. I thought about how stupid I was. I deserved this. I got myself into this situation.

He ended up having sex with me.

Now I look back at the situation, no longer angry at myself. I now know that it wasn’t my fault. I said no. I don’t want to do this. He was the bad guy. I didn’t lead him on, and even if I did I have the right to say no whenever I want.

Why on earth did I think it was my fault? Because I was taught that if I say no and someone doesn’t listen, I didn’t say no loud enough. I was taught that if I get into this situation, it is my fault.

Well, it is not my fault. It is not society’s fault. It is not my mother's fault. It is this boy's fault. Yes boy, not man. It is his fault for crossing the line multiple times. It is his fault for not taking no for an answer. No means no, no matter how much you dislike rejection.

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