Skinny Shaming Hurts Just As Much

In the new age of 2018, we are surrounded by technology, good ol' constant reminder of freedom of speech, and most of all, judgement. While we have conquered some very judgmental things (like bashing on men who like makeup), we aren't even close to being done, yet.

People will still call a man who likes the art of the beauty industry a "queer." People will still tell a woman who is thick "fat," "obese," "disgusting," and "pig." People will still tell a transgender that they are just "confused." People will still call a woman who shows her shoulders or legs a "whore." People will call anyone from a Muslim country a "suicide bomber." People will still tell you that your friend's action to commit suicide was "weak," or "their own damn fault." People will still be racist to their peers. All, for the sake of hating.

Now, I am no hater of Freedom of Speech, but bringing up the fact that we have that freedom every time you decide to put somebody down, is turning Freedom of Speech into Freedom to Bully. There is enough of us who believe strongly in freedoms, and letting people live their life how they want, that we can usually work together and shut down a bully pretty fast. In a post of a woman weighing 280 pounds, you will see more people defending her than bullying her. Is it the same for someone who is 115 pounds or less? Of course, not! Every person on this earth is the way they are for their own reasons. Will we ever know everyone's story? No. There isn't enough time for that, and some won't speak of it because some stories are too hard to give attention to long enough without breaking apart. Today, you will be reading about one of my stories. One that I don't speak of too often, but one I need to.

The Beginning

I remember living with my mother and my 6 siblings in a small town, North Western, U.S.A. My parents divorced and my mom got custody of all of us. The state is very transparent that they always want the mother to have her children.

One day, when I was about 7 or 8 years old, my mother decided we were all going to go vegan. She told us about all of the horrific things that take place in a slaughter house. It was final. We had no choice. We were vegan. 100%. No meat, no dairy, I couldn't even have certain candies because of the gelatin in them.

Well, my mother wasn't very educated on being vegan, I suppose. Most vegans aren't when they first start off. The only meals I can remember eating, every single day, was tofu on broccoli on rice. That was it. Every day. Birthdays? Try tofu lemon cake. It was so repetitive, I remember skipping meals most days. Now, I don't hate my mother. There's a lot of things she has done very very wrong while raising us, but sometimes I think being a single mother of 7 kids must have made her very depressed. The depression must've made her lazy and incompetent. I don't entirely blame her for everything, but I do think as a mother, she should have tried harder for us.

Rescue and Recovery

A few years go by, we are all on the same diet. Tofu on broccoli on rice. Our growing bodies don't seem to be doing much growing. At this point, we are starving to death.

Suddenly, my two older sisters come to me and tell me "Dad is coming for us." I remember them sneaking me into that corner to tell me this like it just happened last week. I remember suddenly having strength in my little bony body. Dad is coming. A week goes by, and my two older sisters leave with two well-dressed ladies. Dad came for them. I remember being so afraid he only came for them. I was then the oldest in the house, and looked over at all of my little sisters. They looked so fragile. So sick. All I wanted to do was put them all on my back and run to find Dad. Mom wouldn't notice, she was always gone or in her bedroom. I was too weak, and clearly thinking irrationally. Then again, I was about 10 years old. We stayed and ate and starved and grew weaker and weaker by the day if not by the hour. I don't remember seeing my mother too much during this time. My littlest sister was running around, tearing off diapers and getting into things. I remember wanting to clean it, but I was too weak. Good thing, too, because not long after, CPS came. Swinging the door open like nobody's business. Taking pictures of everything they could. Without even saying "goodbye" to my mother, they rushed us out to the car.

Next thing I knew, we were outside of a church, waiting for dad to come pick us up. It is still, to this day, the most excited I can ever remember being. After that I blacked out for weeks. I cannot remember a damn thing. My dad later filled in the gap for me when I asked about 3 months ago. He told me the court had ordered him to take us to the hospital. I was tube fed. We were literally dying so fast that we needed hospital assistance. We survived, clearly. Or you'd never be able to read this story.

Eating Habits

Ever since we got rescued from a malnourished and neglecting environment, none of our eating habits have been the same. All of us are skinny. I don't think any of us weight over 130 pounds. Some of us developed eating disorders we didn't ask for. Some talked about, like bulimia, anorexia, etc. Some, I don't think I'll ever know the name for.

I personally weigh 105 pounds. I'm almost 21, 5 foot 5 inches tall, and I weigh 105 pounds. This is post-pregnancy, too. I can lose weight, but I cannot gain weight quite as easily. Not to my knowledge. I almost never have an appetite, and when I do, I either have a huge appetite, or a very very small one. I can go days without feeling hungry. I can eat a small bag of chips, and not feel hungry for over a week. I don't do this on purpose. I don't know how to make it stop. I don't know how to fix myself, nobody does. I sometimes have to force food down my throat, holding back vomit, just so I don't starve again. Meat turns me off most of the time. I know it tastes good, but most of the time, even the thought of a juicy cooked chicken can make my stomach twist.

I never chose this. If I could make it stop, I would. If I could've changed my mother's mind about making us all vegan, I would have. Especially if I knew how the outcome turned out. All I want is to be healthy, to feel healthy. For once in my life. I want to have that little roll when I sit down. I want to weigh 135 pounds, at least. I want to stop feeling so damn cold all the time. I don't want to be skinny.

The Skinny Shaming

The skinny shaming started early. Once to my face when I was about 13, and the rest on social media ever since then. I'm guessing once you're safe behind a screen, shaming someone in person is a little more intimidating. The biggest "insult" I get is that I am on meth. Mind you, I've never touched the drug. I also get told to "eat a steak" on the regular. People like to bring out the "swallow your food next time." People like to talk to me about eating disorders like they know what they're talking about. People like to talk about how I'm skin and bones, and how I'm doing it for the attention of men.

On more than one occasion, actually, almost every occasion, to defend themselves on a "fat shaming" post, people like to skinny shame. That is a gold mine for skinny shaming. That is where people get more brutal than ever.

• "Men like to cuddle, not hug a stick."
• "At least I don't look like a flat chested little boy"
• "REAL women have curves!"
• "I could literally break you in half."

Then we also have the "If I looked like you" types. Some days, they can be the worst.

• "If I looked like you, I wouldn't cover up all the time."
• "If I looked like you, I wouldn't care what anyone thinks!"
• "You're literally my goal body weight! If I looked like you, I'd never be depressed!!"
• "I don't know why you don't just get over it. If I looked like you, I wouldn't even give a shit if someone said this or that to me. I'd take it as a compliment if I were you."

While there is many more insults left to cover, I'll just say this. If it is something towards a skinny person, that would make you upset if someone said it to your daughter who is skinny just because she is skinny, and can't gain weightit's probably skinny shaming.

What We Need To Start Doing

Skinny shaming is just as bad. It hurts, too. It effects people the same way it effect someone who is being "fat shamed." We all have our own reasons for being the weight we are, we all have a story. Some people have a choice, and some don't. Either way, there's always a story behind it. I truly am so open towards everything. I do not care if you are skinny, thick, had plastic surgery, are black, white, Asian, purple, straight, gay, transsexual, shy, outgoing, blind, deaf, autistic, male, female, etc. I don't care. You deserve to be you. You deserve to be able to speak or go wherever you please without hearing anything bad about you simply being YOU! We need to stand together. We need to learn from our mistakes. Just like I will always stand up for the list above, I would like it if I started seeing people stand up against skinny shaming as you would fat shaming. We all deserve to be ourselves. None of us deserve to feel uncomfortable in our own skin.

We need the support, too. We are so tired of being alone in this judgmental world. Support us. Support everyone.

Disclaimer: I have nothing against vegans. Being vegan is great, and helps raise awareness to the terrors in our slaughter houses. It can be very healthy, too! I do, however, think everyone should research and educate themselves on a good vegan diet that has everything you need to remain healthy. I also believe that if you have children, you should wait until they are at least 13 before you ask them if they want to cut meat and dairy out of their diet. Now, that is my opinion, and you can do whatever the hell you please. Thank you so much for reading!