Signs That You're in an Abusive Relationship

Abuse comes in many different forms. It can be financial, emotional, physical, verbal and sexual. It's hard to see what an abuser looks like especially after the first couple of dates. Some people assume abusers have a look to them but this is not always the case. An abuser can come in all shapes, sizes, colors and backgrounds. The signs that someone is abusive are there, but they are hard to notice at first.

Honeymoon Period

An abuser has the ability to mask their true selves during a certain time period. This time period could be anywhere from a few months to a few years. At first, the abuser is very loving and caring. They sometimes shower their partners with gifts and make promises that they will be together forever. As the days go by, you grow more attached to them and think they potentially are the one for you. You start to let your guard down and the abuser notices and this is when things start to take a turn.

Seclusion

The abuser will begin to cut you off from your family and friends. They make up every excuse possible to get you to believe that you don't need anyone but them. Eventually you become distant from co-workers, friends, and family. Some abusers even prevent doctors visits for fear of being turned into the authorities once abuse is identified. You begin to believe that this is what is best for the relationship so you obey the abuser's commands of no contact with anyone. This is their way of making sure you have no where to run once they start abusing you. You will feel like you have no choice but to come back to the abuse because your family and friends may not be so accepting of helping you.

Manipulation

Before you know it, the abuser will begin to give you ultimatums. Either make them happy or face the repercussions. You begin to believe the insults and the threats that the abuser tells you. You become concerned for your family and friends because the abuser starts to threaten them so they don't become involved. The manipulation starts to happen on a daily basis and it makes you believe what the abuser says. Abusers are famous for saying, "no one will want ever want you," or "you'll never be good enough." The goal of the abuser is to break you down so you won't leave or find happiness without them.

Excuses

Excuses about why the abuse happens will come often. No excuse is good enough but they will say it's your fault for the abuse or that they are sick and need help. Anything can be a trigger for the abuser which can lead them to being physical. Once they hurt you, they either ask for your forgiveness immediately or blame you for the injuries they caused.. Some abusers will also say that they will commit suicide or kill you if you decide to leave. This is the moment where you want to find a way to leave safely and secretly.

How to Get Out

If you ever find yourself in an abusive or potentially abusive situation, there are ways to get out safely.

Seek Help: The first thing you want to do if you feel threatened or have been abused is to call 911. Police reports can work in your favor especially if you choose to get a restraining order. While many people choose not to contact the police, know that there is still help. Hospitals have social workers that can help place you in shelters and/or give you information on domestic violence services. There are domestic violence hotlines for each state and these numbers can be found through a quick online search through Google.

Safety Plan: Gather important documents, phone numbers, and birth certificates and put them in a safe place so you can grab these items and run if needed. Leaving these items with a trusted friend or family member is best. Save as much cash as you can and keep in a hidden place.

Develop a Safety Word, Short Sentence, or Emoji: If you feel like you may not be able to call for help, you can try to send a quick text. This text can contain something as simple as "I love puppies" or send an emoji that would represent you being in danger. The emoji could be anything and doesn't have to necessarily look like something that represents danger. Only you and your trusted friend or family member would know what that particular emoji means.

Tell Someone: Tell a trusted family member or friend what you are going through. The more support you have the easier it is to get out of a controlling relationship. This person may also be more understanding and their home can be a possible place for you to run to if needed.

Important Numbers:

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233

Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network 1-800-656-4673