She Must Be a Bad Bitch

In the last couple years, I have worked on becoming an independent woman; someone who can stand on my own, provide for myself, and love myself. Over these years I have also come close to knowing love, I have felt my heart break, I have seen worry in my mother’s eyes, and pain tear through my family. I have also struggled to know when I need help and when to ask for it.

Becoming a woman that can stand on my own has led me to many internal battles fighting between a strong woman or a bad bitch. Both in which have taught me confidence. Both have taught me to be selfish in a selfless way. To be someone you fear, respect, and love. Though the bad girl façade can only produce so strong of a woman before there’s no more growth.

Being a bad girl has allowed me to live unapologetically. This bad girl façade has taught me to never need people, to work hard for my own dreams and never stop until I succeed. My bad girl façade has taught me how to hold my tears back long enough to make it to the public restrooms. Its taught me to fix my makeup faster and better so that no one knows that I’m broken. Its taught me how to demand respect, address problems with power in my words, and to never settle. This façade embodies many characteristics that I have, though a bad girl or a bad bitch is not who I am.

I am emotional, sometimes sad, often stressed, an over-thinker, a lover, a strong woman and very occasionally am I actually a bad bitch. I am resilient. I am not a quitter (no matter how appealing quitting sounds). I am truthful and powerful in my words. I am a growing voice and a shining light (if not for anyone else but for myself). I am an artist, a writer, a teacher, an athlete, and so much more. Though, most importantly, I am my mothers daughter, a sister to two beautiful souls, a friend to many, and I am a woman who is proud of all of it.

Being a strong (and stronger) woman is what I am today and intend to be tomorrow. Being a bad girl gets me through the bad days. Where as being a strong woman gets me through it all. My up and coming strength has taught me it’s okay to need people and to work even harder for my successes. My strength has taught me that it’s okay to cry. Its taught me that I’m beautiful even with my tear stained cheeks and runny mascara. It taught me to earn respect and give it just as much, address problems with power and truth in my voice, to never settle and to keep an open mind. This strength is not a façade and it is not easily maintained. But I am strong, I am a woman, and I intend to be treated as such.

Recently, I was having a conversation with a close friend of mine. She spoke words of love and comfort. Words that I have heard from her and others before but now sit differently with me. She said to “create your own value, [that she didn’t] know who told [me] to set [my] standards so low… [That I] deserve to be treated like that strong women that lies beneath the bad girl façade.” I have heard many variations of this same message, though this time it made me think of who I portray to be and who I truly am. It made me realize that to be the woman on the top of this platform I must be honest with those who allow me to have such influence in their lives. With that, I realized to be honest with all of you I must be honest with myself; I must be able to feel all my emotions wholesomely and reflect the truth of being a bad bitch or a strong women.