The status Quo
First of all, I'm a grown ass woman. Let's start there. I turned 21 back in August and the fierce Leo goddess in me is shouting 'FUCK THE STATUS QUO. This is me. Take it or leave it!' I've put in so much effort into discovering parts of myself that were once hidden. Parts of me that I cannot just shove into a small box and put away when someone is uncomfortable with the way I am or the things that I say. Parts of me that I can no longer hide out of fear of what others think. Who they think I should be. How they think I should act, dress, and speak.
I've learned to not compromise who I am as a person just to make those around me feel better about themselves. I will not. I can not. Whenever I go to the club or even family shindigs and I prefer water over a glass of tequila, I'm instantly chastised and made out to be some sort of child simply because I'd rather hydrate myself with a beverage that isn't going to lower my libido, decrease my ability to function properly and give me a killer headache the next day. Whilst everyone else is taking shots to the brain, eyeballing me as if I can't hang. That's not the case, I just don't drink. Just because everyone around me is doing it I have to do it too right? Peer pressure someone else. I'm instantly labeled as 'white washed' for actually pronouncing every syllable when I speak and using words like precisely or compartmentalization and listening to jazz music. I suppose all black women suffer from not being able to speak properly or have an intellectual conversation and that only old white people listen to the music that I enjoy most. If I wear a crop top barely exposing my mid-riff and bellybutton then I'm instantly tossed in the 'basket of sluts' and attracting a crowd of horny men gawking at me and drooling at the mouth as if I were a slab of medium rare steak. It's like I have to constantly alter aspects of myself and my beliefs or interests to fit into this box (You know the one that I spoke of earlier with my hidden parts stuffed inside of it? Yeah, that one). It's too much pressure! There's nothing wrong with me. I should be able to be a bit different without people trying to cast me away or belittle me. I should be able to wear whatever the fuck I want whenever the fuck I want. I should be able to say and do whatever I want whenever I please. It's exhausting begging for validation from the outside world.The only validation I need is from within. I don't need anyone's approval. I need my own.
I still don't get it though. Why is it SO awful for me to be sexy and comfortable with my bare skin? Why is it wrong for me to be unapologetically brilliant and magnificent? Why must I suppress my thoughts and my talents out of fear of being judged? Why is it a god damn crime to be myself?! The older I get the more I begin to understand that the world is cruel at times and I cannot change that. I simply cannot. So I keep that in mind when I step foot out of my front door and saunter my way straight into a society that strives to change me. Maintaining any sense of self-worth is a part-time job.
One of the biggest influences that cause confusion for ladies is the media. Turn on the tv and see Cardi B or Nicki Minaj in the music videos half-naked with a face full of make-up, shaking their asses up and down. Or the Victoria Secret models with the perfect bodies walking down the runway. What exactly are we supposed to think other than THIS is what I'm supposed to look like? THIS is how I'm supposed to act. Not to bash those artists in any way because I personally love them both and I do understand that in the industry, living in the spotlight, celebrities are basically forced to be puppets hiding behind masks. The problem is just the effect these idols have on us. We have no idea how these celebrity woman truly are in real life or how they wish to be. We only see what their puppet masters want us to view and that's their made-up version of what a woman should be. I disagree. I refuse to allow the media, the songs, the magazines, the news, and most of all the MEN, tell me how to be a woman. How to dress like a woman. Or how to speak and look like one. Because we're all different anyway! I'm the proprietress of this vagina therefore I have this natural ability to tap into the depths of myself to create the woman I want to be. I'm my own canvas and I decline any one's offer to use my paintbrush to paint their own stigmas all over the beautiful canvas that is ME.
For a large portion of my life I have felt very disconnected from myself. Which is probably common in most women when they're around my age.In a constant state of re-inventing oneself while also trying to keep up with the fads and trends. Society has begun to make it hard for us to even want to be ourselves. How is any woman supposed to maintain any sense of self-worth and confidence in a world that is constantly degrading and devaluing us on a daily or simply implying that we must all be a certain way. Does the world not know that we are actually allowed to be unique and different? That one of the really cool things about a woman is her innate ability to decide to be who ever the fuck she wants at
I suppose my point is that I feel strongly about being a woman. I love every second of being in the soft fleshy curvaceous vehicle of a body I've been blessed with and the essence that I with-hold. I am a god damn goddess. We all are. . . and so much more.
We are all
Heartwarming & Heavenly
Invincible Intuitive Inspiring
Passionate Powerful Perfection
We are the motherfucking Shapeshifters.
We can be whatever the fuck we want.
Muse: Me (obviously) Photographer: Alanah O'Connor Instagram: @Lux