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Scared and Ready

How I Survived Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence

By Bianca GomezPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Let's start off on a cheery note. My name is Bianca and I am a SURVIVOR. I refuse to call myself a victim. The men who thought they took away my will to live, thought wrong! This is my truth. This is my big F U. I want women and men who have gone through similar experiences to know that they are not alone.

I was named after Bianca Jagger. My dad had this huge crush on her. My mother was a drug addict (To move things up a bit, she is dead. Good riddance!) and my father was the biggest fool in love. I mean seriously, he met my mother when she was three months pregnant and still stayed with her. During this time, it was my two older brothers and myself. My brothers went to school and I would stay home with my grandmother. Then at night my mom would go to work. My dad was not in the picture. He lived in Brooklyn. He would visit us on occasion.

To make this part of the long story short, my mom never came home one night. She literally disappeared from my life for years. So we, me and my second oldest brother, went to live with my dad and new stepmom. Once they got married, we were like a real family. I had a mom and all felt right in the world. My biological mom resurfaced from time to time but would disappear just like that.

The summer of sixth grade, we went to visit my biological mother for the summer. She was "clean." My dad was so reluctant to let me live with her. I trusted that she had changed and wanted me with her. He was so heartbroken. Then one day changed my life.

I had come home from school and saw my mom with two Mexican men who lived next door. There were drugs on the table. I rolled my eyes. Before I could say anything she said, "Go to your room and start your homework!" I asked where my sister was and she said sleeping. Not ten minutes later she came into the room. She sat down on my bed and said,"Do you know you are pretty?" I looked at her confused. "Mommy needs you to do her a little favor." I remember her grabbing me and throwing me to the bed. I struggled and tried to fight to be free. The two guys came in and started unbuckling their pants. I screamed and hoped that my little sister would hear me or someone. No one did. And I blacked out.

I woke up to me being dragged to the bathroom and then being put in the tub. I forced myself awaken and something in me just started moving my hands and scrubbing. I cleaned myself off and limped to my bedroom. When I got in the hall, my mother was waiting for me outside. She put her arm in front of me to block my path. "No one would believe you. You are still dirty. Clean yourself!" I went to my room and cried all night.

I eventually came back to New York for a totally unrelated reason. I never told my dad and stepmom what had happened to me. I never told anyone for years. My teenage years were horrible. My parents were ready to send me to military school. They had no idea what was going on with me and I felt like they would not believe me.

I barely graduated high school and did one year in college. When I entered college, I started working at a hospital. I met a doctor who I instantly fell in love with. He was my real life "McDreamy." At the beginning he treated me like I was the only thing in the world. He would tell me he only wanted me wearing what he picked out (which was designer so I wasn't complaining!). He told me I had to maintain a certain weight. He limited my drinking and food intake. I became the trophy girlfriend. We got married secretly and it all went downhill from there. In the six months we were married, I became his human punching bag. He would bruise me and hit me in places no one would could see. The final straw was when he beat me up so bad, I had to have surgery in my right eye to have it lifted. My ribs, clavicle, neck, and wrists were black and blue. My lip was split open.

I had my marriage annulled. The judge looked at the police report and pictures and looked at me. I did not think it would happen. A light shone so bright that day.

A lot has happened in my life. I am now married again to an amazing man. I have a beautiful daughter. My life may not be perfect but it's mine. I would not change what happened because I would not have the life I have now.

In conclusion, to all those who have survived and lived their lives, you made it through. To all those trying to find their way, YOU GOT THIS! There is a light. You will never forget what happened but don't let it take power over you. There is so much good in store for you!

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About the Creator

Bianca Gomez

Makeup Artist, Mom, Wife, and all around free spirt! My goal in life is to touch someone's life!

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