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PMDD: Why Me?

The Deeper Meaning of Why Some of Us Suffer from PMDD

By Cheeky MinxPublished 6 years ago 6 min read
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At the risk of being called crazy or out of touch (I'm quite used to that, so it isn't about to stop me anymore!), I'd like to let all you lovely women out there who are suffering from PMDD in on a little secret. This message won't be for all of you; I write it for those who can receive it.

If you are like me, you may have been asking yourself why you have PMDD. Is it a curse? Is it bad karma? Does God hate us? Here's what I've come to realize.

Is it a curse?

It is all too easy to buy into the belief that PMDD is a curse. Somewhere, someone sent us the evil eye and turned a perfectly normal and natural monthly occurrence into a torture. It's plain as day, isn't it? Why else would we, and not other women, have to live with so much suffering?

But what I've come to understand is that PMDD is actually a gift.

Say what? Please stop laughing. I'll try to explain.

Women who do not suffer from PMDD may never come to understand their bodies in the way that we are forced to in order to survive. They also may never come to understand the depths of their emotional triggers or the absolute necessity of self-care. PMDD grants us a certain amount of awareness, albeit painful, that can actually help us improve our lives, walk out of horrible situations that are eating us alive, and develop the strength to deal with what we never knew we had the strength to endure. It motivates us to change behaviors and habits that do not serve our better selves. At least, it has that potential. In that way, it is truly a gift, but we have to be willing to look at it that way.

Still with me? Let's continue.

Is it bad karma?

Did we commit some heinous act in a previous life to bring PMDD upon ourselves in this one? I don't know about that. Again, our mind just wants to understand why, and so it creates all kinds of possible answers to help us cope. Besides, PMDD truly feels, in so many ways, like a punishment!

But here's what I see. I see a population of women with overwhelmingly sensitive hearts and souls plagued by a world where mind is king. All that we feel is dismissed, rejected, invalidated, and pushed away. That creates a tension within our bodies and beings; a sort of tug of war. We try to mold ourselves into some acceptable shape, but we are not a substance that can be molded. We are more like water. We flow and change and are different from day to day. We are a powerful force that cuts away massive boulders and creates pathways where none before existed. This scares the shit out of the world where mind is king, and that, in turn, makes us doubt and fear ourselves.

PMDD teaches us, or at least attempts to, that we are much more powerful than we realize. We think we are its victims when we are actually its instrument. It plays the song of "find your damn power already" on our hearts and that music rings out into the world where mind is king. It sings, "The heart is Queen!"

PMDD wants us to love ourselves, take care of ourselves, forgive ourselves, and finally, ultimately, to get over ourselves.

If you're still here, good for you! This next part might not be so easy.

Does God hate us?

That big guy in the sky must have it out for us to bring us so much suffering and pain month after month after month, right? I've certainly entertained this thought myself in the past, and may entertain it again when PMDD is at its worst. But generally speaking, since discovering PMDD, I've come to think differently. I don't really believe we are being punished, nor that we are somehow flawed in comparison to other women. If anything, we are touched.

It is my belief that we are actually special in a way we may have never before considered. If we accept the mission, we are actually here to help people heal. But we have to start by healing ourselves, and then we are strong and free to help others.

But what do I mean by healing? That we no longer suffer symptoms? That we suddenly cure ourselves? I'm really not talking about curing anything. I'm talking about living with what we've been dealt and using it to make ourselves stronger, overall healthier, and more resilient in life. I'm talking about using PMDD as a tool instead of letting it turn us into tools.

I can hear the arguments already; "I can't control my thoughts. I can't suddenly feel less suicidal by simply saying so. And I certainly can't control my rage, let alone my stupid boyfriend, when my PMDD is in full-force!" I'm not asking anyone to do any of those things. Believe me, I get the "lack of self-control" aspects of this disorder.

What I'm saying is that God (or the Universe or whatever you believe in) doesn't hate you and hasn't cursed you. Rather, it has given you a very unique opportunity as ten percent of all menstruating women to open up to something bigger.

I believe that PMDD can be and is meant to help us evolve. That's all, and that's huge. It means, even when we are complaining or feeling sorry for ourselves or making bad decisions or ruled by the dragon, we can still find a tiny opening within ourselves to let some light in. We can still work every month to make the tiny opening bigger and bigger. We can still learn to forgive and love this small, fragile, scared, and hurting little being in our care.

Will we fall? Of course! But we will get back up. We'll have good months, bad months, and everything in between, and none of that matters. The only thing that matters is that we use PMDD to remember who we are:

We are not victims. We are not labels. We are resilient.

Self-acceptance is the name of the game. And you, dear reader, if you are still with me, are one of the chosen few who must discover your ability to do that. And what's more, you were chosen because you have within you all that you need to succeed. The woman next to you doesn't have the package. The doctors you've pleaded to for help don't have the package. Your family members don't have the package. YOU do! And you are here to teach yourself what it means to honor and love yourself.

That's the gift of PMDD. Might as well accept it. All else is suffering.

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About the Creator

Cheeky Minx

Cheekyminx writes intimately about PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) and hosts the Facebook page PMDD Life Support, a place where women with PMDD can find information and inspiration to cope. Your contributions are appreciated!

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