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PMDD: Out from Under the Magnifying Glass

Understanding Our Suffering

By Cheeky MinxPublished 5 years ago 6 min read
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Living with PMDD is like being placed under a powerful magnifying glass. Beneath the glass, one can see how our thoughts betray us, drawing the thick veils of illusion across our eyes. We don’t see anything quite as it really is, but through a darkened lens of paranoia, self-hatred, and confusion. Beneath the glass, we can see the closing of the heart that would otherwise allow us to both give and receive love, not just from those closest to us, but from all sources. Beneath the glass, we can see quite clearly the burning fires of our attachments and aversions. We become anxious and afraid of what we could normally be able to regulate. When we are in the throes of PMDD, all the ways in which every human being struggles and suffers, regardless of sex, age, race, or culture is exaggerated through us. In essence, PMDD magnifies the human condition, for us and all the world to see.

You know who were experts on the human condition? The ancient yogis. The yogis knew the science of the human spirit and how to overcome the endless onslaught of the ego. I’m not talking about your typical yoga workout class. I’m talking about the deeper teachings of yoga and the whole point of yoga which was originally, and still remains to those who study it, ‘the way out of suffering’. It was never meant to be just a good workout. It was meant to provide a roadmap to the inner calm and joy we all seek.

Yoga is not a religion. It doesn’t matter what you believe or don’t. Anyone can practice the deeper teachings of yoga. In fact, it will increase and strengthen whatever faith you do have. If you have none, it will respect that as well, asking you to take nothing on face value but to test it yourself. And despite any skepticism, it will help you discover your birthright as a beautiful soul... PMDD or no PMDD.

As a yogini, I have been blessed to find tools in the science of yoga that have been essential to my healing journey. But what’s missing in a lot of Western yoga classes today are the teachings behind the asanas or postures, let alone the higher teachings of wisdom. Very few students today know why they are doing what they are doing. They are just told to 'make this shape', 'breathe this way', and 'close the eyes and meditate'. Those can all be helpful, of course, but they are not enough to transform us... or at least to transform us as quickly as possible.

To be fair, most people don't want to transform. There's a comfortable illusion of safety in the same-old. But PMDD, being an excruciating disorder, is a great catalyst of misery to propel us onto the challenging yogic journey.

So back to yogic practices, we have to understand why we’re doing those things and the benefits they are meant to bring. We also have to have a certain amount of dedication to the practice. There’s a big difference between what one yoga class a week can do and what a one hour daily practice can. There's an even bigger difference between what an asana practice can do for us and what a well-rounded yogic practice can do...one that includes pranayam, meditation, and contemplation and study.

I often see posts on PMDD groups and forums from women frustrated with the “just think positive” or “shut up and meditate” messages. Believe me, I hate those messages too, because what those statements fails to get across is how effin’ hard that is to do and how long it takes to change bad habits. It’s hard (and sometimes seems impossible!) to carve time out of our busy days for ourselves. It’s even harder to seriously look at all the ways we try to destroy ourselves or settle for less than we truly deserve. But that said, it’s also critical to do so and to develop skills of inner reflection without the accompanying judgment that usually sabotages our efforts. That's kind of the key. Can we be with all our faults and still know we're worthy?

Those that resent the "do yoga" message resent that it isn’t a magical, instant pill. We're all after the same thing: we want to feel better. But if we’re honest with ourselves, very little in this life that is worthwhile comes without effort. Actually, I can’t think of anything that isn’t quite fleeting. I mean, sure a pint of ice cream is a lovely moment (and I do love my moments with it!), but it’s just going to give us a sugar rush and fat thighs. At some point, we get tired of never being satisfied by anything in life. The only thing we can do at that point, is to look where we’ve been avoiding... inside.

We have to realize (real + eyes) that the only true way out of our suffering is to completely acknowledge it, accept it, and then ask something greater and more intelligent than this thing under the magnifying glass to help us out. The yogis have already made the voyage. They know all the pitfalls, detours, shortcuts, and traps. They developed the wisdom not just to cope with but to transcend all the maya or illusion that causes endless misery. Sure you might be able to figure it all out on your own, but do you have that much time?

I'm sharing this because I know that overcoming the grip my PMDD symptoms had on me required a better understanding of and connection to my True Self. I had to fix my relationship with myself to fix my PMDD-wrecked ones. I had to examine my dark aspects in all their ugliness and repulsiveness without hating myself for it. Yoga gave me not just the tools but the insights to do that. While I simply can’t imagine living with PMDD without those tools and insights, I know there are many paths available. We just have to find one that works for us.

I know not everyone will resonate with this message, but for those of you who already do or might some day, I’m swallowing my resistance to voicing it and saying:

Do the inner work. Make it your priority. Do whatever it takes. Find out who you really are. Get on a path, any path, that is going to help you find the deeper meaning of your challenges. But don’t stop there. Keep going. Aim for total liberation. It’s time. We can stop wallowing in self-pity, self-victimization, and delusion. We can continue to live with life's pain and challenges without letting them identify us or pull us under. Realize you're the one holding the magnifying glass, not the one under it. Then help someone else do the same.

I’ve written about this topic a few times. If you feel as though there is a greater meaning behind your suffering as a person with PMDD, you can find them here:

https://viva.media/the-alchemy-of-pmdd

https://viva.media/pmdd-why-me

https://longevity.media/an-inflammation-theory-for-premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder

https://longevity.media/pmdd-catalyst-to-awakening

*****

Have you enjoyed what you just read? Be sure to check out my other articles on Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. You can also like and follow PMDD Life Support on Facebook. Your kind tips help me to continue building this library of PMDD-specific content.

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About the Creator

Cheeky Minx

Cheekyminx writes intimately about PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) and hosts the Facebook page PMDD Life Support, a place where women with PMDD can find information and inspiration to cope. Your contributions are appreciated!

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