Overcoming Domestic Violence

Dealing with domestic violence for over a decade without any support system is one of the hardest things in life I've ever had to go through. I have dealt with mental, verbal and physical abuse, which has resulted in me being diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). I have also suffered with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember along with extremely low self esteem. I have only been in two relationships and to both men I was married to and had children with. I married my first husband when I was only 18 years old; we had two children and he was five years older than me. I can't remember exactly when the abuse started, but I remember telling my father about the abuse and his response was, "Well, what did you do to make him put his hands on you?" Now mind you, my father was never there for me and even to this day I don't have a relationship with him. Why I expected him to protect me, especially with him being an absentee father is beyond me, but I will never forget the way that statement made me feel. A few years later I finally got the nerve to leave my first husband. The final straw was finding out he had cheated on me with a married woman and he had been using cocaine. In the December of that same year, I was offered a job in North Carolina. It was the fresh start that I needed, but a part of me still wanted my family back. I called him and invited him to come to with me so we could try to work things out and he agreed. We had been in North Carolina for two weeks and he ended up beating me up in front of our children, blacked my eye and left me with a huge knot on my head.

At the time, I worked with the guy who would end up being my second ex-husband. I will just refer to him as ex husband number two. He ended up being my shoulder to cry on, and in a sense a rebound guy. I went from one abusive relationship into an even worse abusive relationship. Over the course of my relationship with ex husband number two, he ended up sending me to the hospital with bruises all over me when I was eight months pregnant with our second child. He tried dragging me out of the house butt naked one time and even fractured my leg another time. To this day I still can't wear heels for a long period of time without my leg hurting. Oh, and lets not forget the time he dragged me down the steps of my town house which resulted in my head banging up against the banister leaving a big gash on my head. A scar still remains on my forehead from that incident. He stole money from me, put bank accounts in my name and even had cable in my name that he had set up at another girl's house. I could go on and on, but I finally divorced him thank GOD; but I made the same mistake with him that I made with the first ex husband. When I moved to Atlanta, I invited him to come and we ended up having our third child four years after we were divorced. While I was pregnant, he left and dated another girl. Five weeks after the delivery of our last child I got a collect call from the county jail saying he needed to be bailed out. He had put his hands on his new girlfriend and she put him in jail. His family called me begging me to get him out; I got him out under the condition they paid my rent for that month, which they did.

I ended up having the same relationship twice. It has taken me the last few years of therapy, lots of Jesus, self-help books, and self evaluation to start loving myself again. For eighteen years I have dealt with some sort of abuse, and the effects of that don't just go away overnight. I encourage anyone that is in an abusive relationship: please leave before it's too late. I wouldn't wish an ounce of the things I've been through on anyone. Seek help and evaluate your options, but staying in an abusive relationship is not one of them.