One Size Does Not Fit All

I entered the coffee shop, cursing the scorching heat and wiping away the beads of perspiration from my forehead. The cool air indoors was a saving grace in my hometown’s relentless mid may.

“Heyy!! Over here!!” I heard a familiar voice calling out, as I along with half of the coffee shop, turned around and found her all excited and beaming, waving her hands frantically at me. It was amusing seeing my childhood friend after nearly a decade and still feeling equally excited as we were during our teens. We rattled away, catching up on all the gossip, reminiscing the hassle-free childhood and ribbing about adulting. We promised to stay in touch and departed after goodbye hugs.

That night, as I scrolled through the innumerable selfies we took in the cafe, the conversation reeled in my head and a part of it which I had initially found funny started to bother me in hindsight. The first thing that my friend had said to me after exchanging pleasantries was “Babe, I have just started this new weight loss regime, you must give it a try it's quite effective.” To be honest, most of our teen conversations were along the same lines, but that was ages ago.

This friend of mine was someone who was never “skinny” to begin with but was never “fat” too. She maintained a healthy BMI but was never happy with herself. She strived to fit in some workout into her schedule, struggled to keep her sweet tooth under check, would not leave the house without changing ten outfits and then selecting the one in which she thought she looked “thin”, constantly checking her arm and waist circumference, and despite everything, not once did I see her being confident about her body. She was someone who enjoyed her food immensely but strived hard to control herself and on those days when she failed, her guilt trips outweighed the joy she derived from her chocolate waffles.

I was initially amazed that we still had the same conversation opener, but in retrospect, found it disturbing. A 28-year-old, successful woman still battled with the same enemy that she had been since she was 13. It's disheartening that she is not any closer to winning the battle now than she was 15 years ago.

I am sure many of us can relate to her. In fact, all of us do have such a person inside us. And the arch-rival I refer to is not the weight gain/loss but the fixed notion dwelling in our heads—“A woman is beautiful only if she is in a particular size and shape.”

This was something which was fed to us since time immemorial, chubby arms, broad shoulders, love handles, belly pooch, all equated to being unattractive and were unapologetically criticised. What's worse is that people thought it was absolutely okay to do so. Irrespective of a woman’s health, career, academics, and social life, her appearance had to be judged and she was expected to reach unrealistic standards put forth by the society.

I cannot emphasize enough as to how wrong this is on so many levels. First of all, the whole lot of judgment and criticism about someone's physique is neither necessary nor welcome. It hits the core of a human’s soul and destroys their self-confidence and it may have a more lasting impact than a physical injury. For all we know, it could last a lifetime and is likely to breed negative emotions in the form of decreased self-worth, jealousy, anxiety, stress, and the worst of all—eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia.

This kind of attitude is more common than we think. The false notions are so deeply rooted in our brains that we may actually be responsible for our close ones’ body shaming as well, albeit unconsciously. It takes a serious effort from all of us to put an end to it. A conscious effort to let our niece, siblings, cousins, and friends understand that life does not revolve around weighing scales and that beauty is something that lies miles beneath what we see on the surface.

I hope there will be a generation who will teach each other to savor that last piece of pizza, to walk out of fitting rooms without whinging about picking the bigger size, to consider fitness for health and not for dodging criticism, to appreciate the fact that self-worth does not lie in six-pack abs; to acknowledge that confidence, compassion, and kindness are the beauty norms to live by and finally to accept your body and love yourself.

And as cliched as it may sound—happy girls are the prettiest. Period.