Oh, She's What?

Being Pansexual.

There are always so many questions when people learn what your sexual orientation is and it's never something I've ever needed to worry about. Luckily. However, the older I get, the more I realise that people have some kind of misunderstanding of it. Especially Pansexual or 'Pan' for short.

No it's not a love for frying pans, chip pans or anything related to kitchen cooking materials. Since we have that cleared up, I'll carry on.

In recent months it's came to my attention that a lot less people understand what sexuality means what and even the confusion over peoples choice in genders but that in itself is an entire new post. When it comes to Pansexuality the definition on Google is this:

'Pansexuality, or omnisexuality, is the sexual, romantic or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity.'

'Pansexual people may refer to themselves as gender-blind, asserting that gender and sex are not determining factors in their romantic or sexual attraction to others.' - This information was taken from a Wiki page.

Now to some people this sounds ridiculous because "Doesn't that just make you bisexual?" Actually no. This is something I find hard to explain at times and usually when asked I will say, 'Oh yeah, I'm bisexual' even though my body is screaming 'SHE'S PAN!' because what's the point in getting into endless judgmental conversations with people who just refuse to be open minded bar the usual (straight, gay, or bisexual). Another question I'm used to getting now is, 'You're a mother and you're dating a woman—aren't you just a lesbian with a kid?' Again no. Now this is in no way meant to offended any sexual orientation, but to help define my own without there being so much negativity around it.

Yes, I'm a mother. No, I'm not simply a lesbian because I'm with a female. I find it rude to just assume my sexuality based on what you can physically see. Even people asking me 'So you would date a guy with a vagina, or a girl with a dick?' Their wording is not only offensive, but derogatory. Surely today in 2018 there are more important things to worry about than what's between someones legs. Am I wrong?

For me, from a very young age, my upbringing has taught me that you will fall in love with whoever you fall for. Because again why should a person's gender matter? Shouldn't it be about who they are? Their personality? Now I know there can be a counter argument to this and that being that, 'Well I know what I'm attracted to.' Well, if you know what you're attracted to that's great no one's judging you. However, you are judging that which you won't take the time and effort to understand. Yet we have the idea that you can only be these specific things rammed down our throats every day.

Being Pan doesn't make my life any different from anyone else. I still get up, make breakfast with my daughter and function everyday like any other person. So let me ask you this: Why are you judging me when I don't judge you? Why are you hurting people like me? Just because we don't conform to YOUR ideals?

Being Pan is something I didn't even realise I was, until recently when I started to look into more about what I was feeling. I found it invigorating in the end because I finally felt like I had a real explanation for people. It's always going to be about following your instincts, research and just being happy at the end of the day. My own partner identifies as bisexual and even at that it has it's own stigma. All be it being gay alone still isn't fully accepted but it has gotten better.

I personally would like to think if there's one thing i could achieve in life it's to raise my own child with an open mind. Thus making people less scared of who they are. It's important to me and hopefully it becomes less taboo.

Whatever sexuality you are, own it. Never let people make you feel less than for being you. Don't make people feel less than for being them. Whoever you are. You're wonderful, beautiful and I hope you find the love you're looking for in this life.