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Occasionally Confused by My Gender

Am I who I am supposed to be?

I once asked my aunt one day if I was really born a female because there are times I just don’t feel like one. My body size and shape has made me feel this way before because I don’t have the shapely bodies most women have. I don’t have hips that stand out and I have a large bone structure.

When I was growing up, I always wanted to play with the boys and not so much the girls. I wanted to ride four wheelers and play football with the neighborhood boys in the dirt field across the street. I wasn’t into a lot of girl things like dolls and tea parties.

I felt so out of place and to this day I don’t like wearing dresses and heels and carrying a purse. I always thought that there was something wrong with me because I felt I didn’t fit in anywhere. I was a tomboy for many years and it follows me to this day. I stopped wearing makeup when my street life was over and feel better not wearing any.

As I grew older, I became interested in things that boys like. I loved building things and getting dirty. I worked in the construction field for quite a few years and picked up so much knowledge from it that I could build my own house. I love landscaping and doing yard work. I used to sit around with the guys drinking beer or alcohol.

I have female parts but never had any children. Since having my full hysterectomy, I feel even better. I found women attractive and had a few female relationships where I took on the male role. It felt like I was supposed to be the male and brought up all these questions.

Was I born a girl, but things got messed up and I should have been a boy? This question always puzzles me, and I cannot talk to my husband about it because he thinks it’s weird for me to be thinking that way. I am dominant just like a man should be and not into girly things.

I want to sit around watching football and drinking beers with the guys instead of in the kitchen baking something. I do not know how to sew or any handiwork like that. I want to be out fixing cars and using power tools to build things.

I have no interest in romance novels or chic flicks as most men call them. It is not my style to sit through a tear jerker movie. I love hard and have a good mind in my head, but things that women are interested in don’t bring me any type of pleasure at all.

Is there something wrong with me to question my own gender? Could I have been born with both male and female parts and my parents chose to keep me as a girl? It is so puzzling sometimes. I love wrestling and destruction derbies and pretty much what most men like.

I love my husband to death and would not give him up for the world. So, on those days when I feel like a woman, he gets a lot of attention from me intimately. He tries his best to make me feel like a woman and does a good job so far, but these questions still stick in the back of my mind.

To me, feeling like a woman is the best part about being alive. I love the attention my husband gives me and how he showers me with love and affection. He makes me feel attractive and wanted. Do a lot of other people feel this way, or is it just in my mind?

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Occasionally Confused by My Gender
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