Numbers Every Woman Knows

Here's some numbers:

12: my age the first time a grown man who I didn't even know made a lewd comment towards me.

13: my age the first time another strange man yelled at me to give him a blowjob.

14: my age the first time a friend's father told me that my body tempted him.

15: the year I realized it was totally accepted by society at large for men to say what they wanted to women...no, to a child.

23: the age I was when I had seen so much I just thought harassment was ok.

2: number of my personal suicide attempts.

Infinite: number of reasons I have given myself for not talking about the MULTIPLE cases of harassment I've been on the receiving end of.

Countless: number of times I've talked about MY mistakes. About MY attempts to take my own life. About MY screw ups. About MY bad tendencies.

Zero: the number of times I've publicly spoken about what it feels like to experience this because I knew it'd be dismissed by a large portion of society.

At least 1,000: reasons I talked myself into feeling ashamed because somehow it was MY fault that a grown man harassed me. Particularly as a teenager.

Untold: the number of times I've been walking through a store or parking lot and have had a man, or group of men, try to corner me and laugh as they "informed" me that whatever "attention" I was getting at home, they would give me better.

30(ish): the number of times I've been called a bitch or whore or slut because I refused to engage in a conversation or give my number to a man who felt entitled.

2016: the year I watched a large portion of society, and more friends and family than I would have expected, defend, praise, and rejoice in a man who is no better, and arguably worse, than that friend's father who made me feel like an unworthy and shameful child at the age of 14.

2017: The year I saw women stand up and come together to make a difference.

I've seen over and over the men I choose in MY life stand up for women. I've seen them fiercely protect their families. I've seen them defend women's honor. There are a LOT of amazing, kind, genuine men out there. In fact, I would be willing to bet most of you are. If you're in my group, I know you're a good man.

But I've seen so many women harassed, assaulted, threatened, hated, and vilified for standing up to those of you who aren't like this. Men, we are tired of fighting this battle alone. Please, I honestly beg of you, stand up with us. Fight with us. Don't be silent and allow these few (but vocal) assholes continue to make women so damn exhausted of watching what we say, wear, act, and feel.

This shit has to stop. This blind eye to sexual assault and harassment has to stop. This careless attitude of, "Oh, look what silly thing a rich dude did again" has to stop. This willful ignorance that it doesn't happen to the women in your life has to stop. This absurd notion that only "certain types of women get harassed" has to stop. I was raised to respect myself and others. I was raised to stand up for myself. I was raised with three brothers who showed me how to be tough. But, even I'm tired of it. I get scared. I get exhausted. And, honestly, I just can't be quiet about it anymore.

2018: the year we make it end.