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My True #Metoo Story

Don't Fall Prey to Emotional Blackmail

By Kimberly SterlingPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Photo Credit: Mihai Surdu

My true #Metoo story has yet to be told. I have shared other experiences like having my bra snapped by boys at school, instances of male classmates grabbing my butt while making nasty comments about me, and guys whistling or catcalling at me from their cars. These I have expressed openly as many others can relate. Although, these moments were uncomfortable, it was still so much easier to share. When it comes to my deeper story though, I hesitate to type the words.

I have previously shared this story with less than a handful of my closest friends and family. I feel it is important though to finally open up to warn young women and young men what red flags to look out for in these situations. I know now looking back as an adult that there were red flags I missed. However, I am done blaming myself. I did for years, but bottom-line, my abuser was responsible for his actions.

It all started when I was 15 and my older sister brought home an older boyfriend. She lied to my parents and told them he was 20, but I found out later on through my other older sister that a mutual friend told her this man was 28. I had a small amount of experience with boys, having only had three boyfriends and none of the relationships had gotten very physical.

I will admit it, it started out with me having a small crush and it showed. I was floored, though, when this grown man asked me what we were going to do about it and called me out on my crush. I had previously had crushes on teachers and never once had they showed any interest, so I was legitimately shocked when he said this. My hesitation showed and my sister's boyfriend started weaving what I now recognize as his web of lies. He told my sister and me that he had a brain tumor and used my own sympathy against me. Eventually, after he had made me feel bad for him enough, he started coming up to me and kissing my ears and neck.

I expressed how uncomfortable all this was making me. Then he pulled out his most manipulative move yet. He told me if I felt that way, he must be the most horrible person in the world and that he was going to go kill himself. I begged him not to hurt himself and backtracked. He used my own compassion against me, making me feel guilty for saying anything at all. I felt like it was my own fault. After all, I was the one that showed him that I had a crush on him in the first place and maybe I had even flirted a little. I was naïve and I didn't realize how misguided this line of thinking was at the time.

His expression of "remorse" changed nothing though. He continued on kissing and touching me, pushing me a little bit further each time. This whole cycle lasted for awhile. I would express that I felt uncomfortable and guilty, because, after all, he was my sister's boyfriend. The, he would threaten to kill himself again until I backtracked and was quiet about it. I didn't want to be responsible for someone else hurting themselves.

It reached a point where this cycle went on one too many times and he pushed me way beyond my comfort zone. Finally, I clued into the fact that if he was truly remorseful about his actions and felt so bad about it all that he was suicidal, he would stop doing it. I called him out on the manipulation of it all and didn't back down this time when he threatened self-harm. It eventually ended, but I had to see what he was doing for it all to stop.

The reason why I am sharing this is to show that it is not always power and position that abusers use against their victims. Sometimes, it is manipulation and emotional blackmail. These kinds of people can be very slick and pull at the heartstrings to get the control of their victim. I don't want to see another young woman or young man fall into this kind of trap. If you are in this kind of situation, please just remember, it is not your fault. Also, no matter what they tell you, you do not have to sit back quietly and let it happen.

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About the Creator

Kimberly Sterling

I'm a 32 year old mother of a busy six year old boy. I loved writing stories, poems, etc in high school but somewhere along the way let life get in the way of writing. I'm working on fixing that and plan to write as much as I am able.

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