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I am not sure of writing the story of my life and to let it be known. What I am sure is that the only way to liberate myself of this internal jail is through forgiveness. I also know that my first language is not English, however this is a universal language that most of the people in the world speak and I would like my story to be shared with everyone. I would try to give my best.
I do not know where to start because there are many episodes of my life, which need to be illustrated; all of them represent who I am today and why I am writing this. I just start with the first thing that came up to my mind.
I remember myself asking my sister if what happened at home was normal. She answered that it must be normal as a friend of hers experienced a similar situation. Her stepfather molested indeed her friend, but she did not know he was doing “something wrong.” She was very naïve and explained to my sister that her stepfather used to rub her vagina with a sort of cream because of her health and wellbeing. I understood this day that what my stepfather used to do with us was totally “normal” and I did not complain about it.
In fact the very next day he kissed and rubbed my body with his own body. I remember the instant when he arrived home. I was washing my school clothes as I used to do every day after school. He greeted me and started scolding me because I did not do something well; I do not even remember what I did wrong. The next thing I remember was him pulling my hair consistently. I am watching my face with tears. He hit me for no reason and I just cried a lot.
These situations occurred very often but I did not tell my mother, as I was scared he hit her too. After he punished me with violence, he sent me to buy some snacks because he knew I loved junk food. He was remorseful because of what he did, so the best way to remediate at least a little was rewarding me with gummies and chocolates.
After this indulgent action he wanted some excitement and entertaining, then he took me to bed and the adult content started. He put his tongue in my ears and neck. At the beginning I felt repulsion, but with the time I just let my body respond naturally.
I heard his breath agitated, his face sweat and his hands trembled. He rubbed his body against mine with pleasure… to continue
Please let me know if I should continue writing and if you can understand what I write. Thanks a lot for giving me the opportunity to be read.