More Than We Were Taught...

Where do I even begin?

I am 11 weeks pregnant, so I am ever so slightly chunkier compared to three months ago because I am doing all I possibly can to ensure my little raspberry has everything it needs to grow to be full of nutrients. Off I went to my midwife appointment, pure elation as I start my journey to meet a tiny, little me. All was well for the first 15/20 minutes, and then, these three letters 'BMI' caused my heart to sink, and question the entire health care system.

I am not skinny, I am a 4'11, curvy firecracker who (pre-pregnancy) was a very comfortable 8/10 but I've put on a few pounds over the last two months, and now, according to the National Health Service in the UK, my 'BMI' is too high. My BMI is 28, and according to the NHS, I am overweight. Our health system is legally obligated to offer a diet substance to anyone with a BMI higher than 25. Meaning for my height, I should only weigh six and a half stone to have a BMI of 25. So, as a pregnant woman, my midwife, yes, my MIDWIFE, offered me the NHS's equivalent to 'Slimmers World.' My mouth hit the floor, I laughed and graciously declined her wonderful offer to put my baby in danger of not having the right source of goodness by pumping my body full of processed rubbish to make me lose weight.

I believe I am having a little girl, as she has caused me havoc since day dot. I've been horrifyingly sick, my skin is the worst it's ever been and although my husband is an unimaginably beautiful human, he has infuriated the life out of me by even breathing. So, if it is a girl, I want to raise her in a world where the view on women is positive, and our worth is defined on so much more than an outer shell.

I see women all over my social media, in the street, on the TV, and in magazines lost in a world filled with superficial nonsense. I see my beautiful friends question their worth, their integrity, and who they are as women because they are not a size six, or they're hair isn't perfect because they are busy raising incredible children and being magnificent people.

Women all over the world are judged because of our aesthetics. Social media drowns us in images, to be a certain height, to be a certain weight, to have a certain size bottom, or breasts. Our skin has to be flawless, nobody is allowed stretch marks, our lips have to be plump and look as though we are pouting all the time, and god forbid our eyebrows are not feathered, plucked, waxed, tinted, or HD. I mean, WHAT? What about our careers? What about being financially independent? What about being completely in love? What about being an incredible athlete, or a surgeon? What about being an artist or musician? What about just being a good, strong, moral human being?

I grew up with Barbies, these incredibly beautiful plastic dolls we could put in the bath, or put in a sickly pink Jeep and drive around to meet Ken, who was the perfectly toned, god-sculpted man that Barbie had, and fell to his feet. I grew up looking at Kate Moss and dreaming of a body where you could see my ribs and walking down a catwalk, but I was a music geek who adored chocolate buttons, so I had no chance to look that way.

Then high school came around, well, wasn't that a five-year bundle of delight... We got mobile phones as these brilliant shiny new toys that could take photos, a social network we could upload our every thought to, and these big cameras sat on the top of our parents' windows desktop so we could see one another in our PJ's. MSN brought it all into our homes after the torture of seven hours at school. The bullying, because we didn't have long hair, the teasing because we didn't play sports, the name calling because we only had a few friends, and the pushing around because we didn't get invited to the parties.

We were conditioned to be more than our age, all the time. As teenagers, we couldn't just be enough for people as we were. Sex became a huge deal, we were introduced to what BJ's were at 13, and if you hadn't lost your virginity by the time you were 15, you were a loser. If you had lost it, you were promiscuous. Our vaginas had to be completely shaved, if it wasn't, you lied about it so other girls didn't laugh at you. The ones whose parents tried to protect us and didn't inform us of how evil the world can be, too naive to understand what was consensual and what wasn't. Breasts grew, you discover makeup, perfume, and all of a sudden the 6th form boys fancy you. You feel like this special little gem and your heart beats ten thousand times a minute when they walk past and smile, but we were too young to understand what was actually going through their hormonal minds. From such a delicate age, we had to be all these things and how could we even dare to be ourselves. I remember craving to still be a child, without having any of these worries. I remember pulling out every item of clothing onto my bed and screaming at my mum, (who stuck by me and was one of the only positive influences in my tiny life), as nothing I had in my mountain of clothes looked right because I was told I wasn't enough. I hate the idea that thousands, if not millions, of little women feel as insecure as I once was, every single day of their fragile lives.

We have got to stop thinking this extremely narrow construct of what is acceptable in today’s society will make you happy. It's toxic and self-destructive. I am not saying stop going to the gym or stop wearing makeup because if that is you, then be you. I am saying we, as women, have got to stop judging and manipulating one another to feel totally inadequate. If more of us stood together and held each other up, others wouldn't have so many chances to bring us crashing down.

I am honestly scared for my future baby girl, and the world she might have to contend with. To be a girl, having to deal with the social expectations of today is causing young people to take their own lives. It has got to stop!

We are women, we should be raising each other up to be the best we can be. We shouldn't be dragging each other down because we can't and don't all fit this mold that the patriarchy forces us to be. Be all the things you want to be, just because you have a different genetic makeup to a man does not mean you are not worthy. You are worthy, strong, and brilliant. Raise your babies to be so much more than the social expectations. Teach your girls to be all they can ever imagine and your boys to respect women in a way that empowers them, so both sexes can be the best they can be.

Be more than what we were taught...