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#MeToo

You see all these posts about the #MeToo movement and you want to post it on your Facebook wall but can't.

By Catharine SPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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We have all seen #MeToo all over the place lately. If you haven't, I will catch you up.

The hashtag MeToo is about women who have been sexually assaulted or harassed, maybe even both.

When I first saw a post about this I wanted to cry. I'm not talking about little tears for the other person, I'm talking about full-blown crying because it has happened to me. Mine is not as severe as others', and some of you guys' might not be as bad either, but just the thought/memory makes me uneasy.

Not many people know that I got raped by 2 guys, just some of my family and my partner. It took me 3 years just to say one thing to someone about it.

Why did it take that long to tell someone? Because I was scared and didn't know how to even start to tell someone.

Why did I choose to tell my partner? I felt like they needed to know.

How come you didn't go straight to someone afterwards? How could I go to someone? I knew the people who did it to me, and I felt like no one would believe me.

These are just some of the questions people who got raped get asked, I could probably write a thousand more if people wanted me to.

Here's some details about these two guys that did this to me. They both went to school with me and also knew a sibling of mine. One of them liked me, he would bug me about going out with him but I always told him no. Why you ask? Because I was new to the area and just wanted to settle in first. Don't get me wrong you guys, he was attractive at the time to me. Now the second guy, he was quite annoying and was more like a follower to the first guy. I would talk to him because he was always next to his friend.

Let's give these two names, I won't use their real names, let's give the first guy the name Jake and his little friend will be Alex.

So when all of this went down we were in a field filled with hay bales. They were going to camp on this field for the night for some reason. I was just bringing some food for them so it wasn't like I was asking for it.

Some of you might be wondering what I was wearing so I will give you an idea: form fitting blue jeans with and oversized t-shirt, far from being tight, a plain blue shirt. None of these things should provoke these two, but I guess boy will be boys, right?

God I hate that phase, "boys will be boys." That is no damn excuse for them to do this to a woman or a girl. Boys need to get the hell over themselves because if I wanted sex I would've told you I wanted sex.

Now these two boys, Jake and Alex, they were about the same age as me, about 13-14, but they were definitely stronger than I.

Didn't you try to stop them? Of fucking course I tried stopping them. I kicked and screamed. That didn't stop them...

I always think to myself, what if I didn't kick and scream? Maybe they would've gotten bored but I will never know.

Now, I'm not going to go into detail about what happened but I will tell you what happened afterwards.

After they raped me, I hurried and threw on my clothes and ran home then just jumped in the shower. Now I never had sex before that happened so they, as what some would call, popped my cherry. I was bleeding from them, "popping my cherry," which is normal but that's not how I wanted it to happen. That day I took a pretty long shower. I sat in the tub crying my eyes out while the shower ran, I never wanted to leave that area that I was in, all I wanted to do is sit there and cry.

Now fast forward 3 years, I finally told someone. I was at an event that was talking about rape and assault and at that moment it hit me like a brick fucking wall. I went to the dorms that I was staying at, and cried and cried. That night I told my leader. Telling someone was a relief, a burden off of my shoulders.

I ended up having to tell my parents. Their first question to me was, do you want to press charges? First god damn question like really, you don't want you know how I'm doing? Nothing like that? Well my answer to them was no only because Alex had moved states and I didn't think I had a case since it happened 3 years prior to that.

So since seeing these #MeToo posts, I've been wanting to post it but I just can't put myself to it. Why? Because I don't want to answer questions and have to relive that terrible moment. Just thinking about it makes me so uneasy. When I see this Jake person I start freaking out because I start having flashbacks to that day. When I see him I have to leave because my heart starts racing like a stampede of elephants running from their biggest fear, I feel like I can't breathe because there's a thousand pound weight on my chest but my feet feel like 100 pound weights that I can't move because I'm so scared.

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About the Creator

Catharine S

Just someone who want to tell my story little by little

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