It’s the same thing every morning. I wake up, check my phone, brush my teeth and any other morning ritual a person does. I make sure to stretch because this will help the motion in the muscles and with flexibility, and it just makes me feel good.
Then for a moment I pretty much always dread... looking in the mirror. Looking in the mirror at my reflection and all the thoughts emerging from my brain in that moment.
What am I going to wear today? How should I do my hair? Well, if I wear what I want I will look younger... If I do my hair this way I can't wear this jacket. It is endless questions upon questions that leave me standing there for at least 20 minutes whilst I try to answer them.
Why can't I have this certain body type? That way I can wear this top with these jeans and not look so skinny! Why can't I just be an extra bit taller? So then I don't have to wear a heel today. I want to wear the trainers but I don't want to look small. Every. Single. Day. The STRUGGLE!
Why do we do this to ourselves? Seriously, where did this all begin?
Maybe it was my verbally abusive ex who told me she didn't want to touch my body because of how skinny it is and that I have the figure of a child, that she wouldn't come near me until I put on some weight. I never quite dealt with that at the time, so over the past year when I hear, "How old are you? You look about 12!" it hits me harder because I never told her how she made me feel. She never saw the profound effect it had on me. She dumped me and didn't have a word to say about it. When you are 18-years-old in your first relationship, being told by your 29-year-old girlfriend that she's not going to carry on with you because you're not 2 stone heavier, it does leave a mark.
It just so happens that in today's society, the only body deemed acceptable is the small waist, big breasts, and big bums. Anything else just won't cut it. My ass is... on the smaller side. I haven't got the biggest boobs—how are girls like myself supposed to feel welcomed into society when the body I was given is no good and simply frowned upon by everybody?
Well, no. Enough is enough. We should all be praised and we should praise each other because we all have something to give.
I know there is more to me than my body. People tell me I’m attractive, a good listener, funny, kind, caring, honest… it is time to start telling myself these exact things.
Own your curves. Own your small frame. Own your beauty spots, your freckles, your eyes, your bigger bones, your tallness, your smallness.
I know I will get to a point of waking up and wearing whatever I feel like, wearing what makes me feel good. Why should society control what makes me feel good? Why should social media make me feel a certain type of way about myself? When people tell me I look about 12-years-old, I’ll smile and say “wow, what a kind thing to say!” so then I’m not the only one feeling stupid.
Exterior beauty should not define us as humans. We are so much more than a body part. They all end up fading away one day. Project your inner self and don't be afraid to stand out. That is beauty. Beauty that you should love.
As the famous words of the wonderful Ru Paul go,
‘If you don’t love yourself, how the hell you gon’ love somebody else!?’
*turns on Netflix*