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Love Me Like a Porn Star

Should I be her?

By M. AugustinePublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Everyday, right after school, she’s there for you. You met when you were thirteen, and she’s always there to make your day better. She smiles at you, and you love how she makes you feel. You’re so loyal to her. And you don’t even know her real name.

Porn is quite the technological advance, isn’t it? All of your wildest fantasies are available at a click of a button. The perfect woman that always says, "yes!" It’s basically Love 2.0. But it's so much easier. You get everything you want.

Unlike with your girlfriend. Forgot about her, right? Because your girlfriend can’t even compare to the woman on your screen. Your girlfriend doesn’t always look good, sometimes she doesn’t feel well, and a lot of the times, she says “no.”

But porn will always say "yes."

Most teenage boys start watching porn before they experienced any sexual relationship—leading them to think that porn is what they should expect in real life. But it’s not, and it ruins real life relationships. Because I don’t look like my boyfriend’s favorite porn star, but I bet he wishes I did…

I don’t want that to happen to me.

I’m not an activist, I’m not one to fight for social change. So this isn’t me saying, “Hey! Stop watching porn and start loving your partner!” Because it’s none of my business what you do. But this is about me. This is about me knowing that porn makes everything look perfect, and I’ll have to live up to those expectations.

And I also know that I’ll fail.

And I’m scared because I know I’m not the most beautiful girl in the world, and that’s okay. But what’s not okay is that when I do have a boyfriend, he’ll probably already be in a relationship. A very committed relationship.

Porn kills love. And I’m scared that I’ll have to tell my future boyfriend that it makes me uncomfortable that he watches porn. Because by that point, he’s already addicted. So he won’t stop, he’ll just lie. And who can have a loving relationship full of lies? You don’t have to agree, I’m not trying to convince anyone.

One of my best friends also told me that she doesn’t think watching porn will affect the person watching it, nor a relationship. But this was before she had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who lied to her about watching porn.

She told me she wasn’t mad at him, more so insecure. She felt like he was watching porn because she wasn’t good enough for him. Didn’t satisfy him enough. Because she will never be like the girls on his computer. No girl should feel like they have to be compared.

Porn killed their love.

Porn triggers a person’s brain the same way cocaine does, “Porn users adapt to the high levels of dopamine that porn releases. The brain thinks less dopamine is there, and the user doesn’t feel as strong a reaction. As a result, many porn users have to find more porn, more often, or a more extreme version to generate even more dopamine to feel excited. And once a porn user becomes accustomed to a brain pulsing with these chemicals, trying to cutback on the habit can lead to withdrawal symptoms, just like with drugs.” [1]

So that is what I was trying to say. In my eyes it’s not porn itself that bothers me, it’s the fact that porn will make a guy expect more out of me. It will make him notice that I’m not that pretty, or willing…

That I’m not as exciting to him. Because I’m just an average girl. I haven’t met one guy who doesn’t watch porn. And I want my relationship to be with one person, not thousands. Now tell me, how isn’t this scary?

Porn is not love. [1] Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself. New York: Penguin Books, 112.

feminism
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About the Creator

M. Augustine

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