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As you can pretty much tell from the title, I am a big woman. I like to consider myself just to be a BBW, which stands for Big Beautiful Woman. But if you have ever been on urban dictionary, I would be considered an SSBBW which simply means Super-Sized Big Beautiful Woman since I weigh over 400 pounds. No, that was not a typo, it is truth. When I was younger, I never imagined that I would get this big. But when you grow up and you don’t really feel loved, you turn to things to comfort you. Since I did not have anything to really comfort me, especially after my grandfather passed, I turned to food. When I was eating, I wasn’t thinking about pain, loneliness, and how empty I felt inside. I did what all fat people do, I ate my feelings and I never exercised. I just kept getting bigger and bigger. In spite of what others may think, I wear my size boldly and with confidence!
When I was in elementary school, I was overweight for my age. My stomach was the biggest thing on my body next to my head. I was teased and picked on a lot because of it. One day, my mom told me something that has stuck with me my entire life. She gave me something to encourage myself when kids started to pick on me. She looked at me and said, “nobody’s better, baby.” From that moment on, my confidence shot through the roof. I never let anyone intimidate me ever again. If they got in my face and started to pick on me, let's just say I was no longer the child that was in tears. The thing that I learned about kids and the ones that liked to bully, is that they only pick on you because they know that you won’t fight back and that gives them power. When you stand up for yourself and truly mean business about it, you take away all of their power! That is something that children lack nowadays. Parents don’t encourage their children to stick up for themselves nor do they spend as much time with their children as they should. If you only tell your child to ignore a bully or tell the teacher, you are making a huge mistake. That only works for so long. But that is a story for another time.
As I grew older, people still tried to challenge me but not for long. This especially happened when I got to high school. There was one girl in particular, her name was Ciara. Yes, like the singer. Even though she thought she was Beyonce. NOT! We had history class together freshman year and she made a statement and thought that I was going to bow down to her. Which did not happen at all and when it didn’t, she got up and stood by her chair with her arms folded. Her ego was definitely bruised but that particular incident led to no one ever trying me like that again.
Being a big woman definitely has it challenges from being teased, to having a hard time finding cute clothes that fit, to dating. That has always been something that I’ve struggled with. I have been in love four times, and out of those four times, only three of them were relationships. My first love and I met when we were in middle school. I thought he was the cutest guy ever. He was tall, dark, and he had locks. I loved everything about him from his build to his beautiful smile. I just started flirting with him one day. I always told him how cute he was when I saw him and that always made him smile. One day he asked if he could walk me to my last class and when we got there, he asked if he could have my phone number. Of course I gave it to him and he called me that same night and asked me to be his girlfriend. A moment that I would never forget. A moment that I would compare every other relationship to.
I have never been the type of person that likes to hang out and go the clubs and bars and meet people. I was always a homebody but not always by choice. So the only guys I met were online. Sad but true. Even though this was like my only way of meeting people and I knew the chances were slim at finding my true love, I never gave up hope. I ended up meeting two guys that showed me that the kind of love that I wanted and needed was out there and was possible to find. But they weren’t the ones. They were just God’s way of showing me what could be. But of course, I did not take it that way. It took me a while to realize that I wasn’t meant to be with those men. When you are a BBW, you aren’t a choice 99.9 percent of the time. Most men don’t want to date a big woman and if they do, they want to keep you a secret. So you never have a real chance with that person. But you also never really know that until things go too far. Guys always seem to know the right thing to say to make you think that they want to be with you. But rarely is it ever true.
My experiences have taught me that being bigger means that finding true love will be extremely difficult but not impossible. Being a big woman means that you will be overlooked, a lot. You will spend a lot of nights alone so it doesn’t matter how big your bed is. There is a 99.9 percent chance that you will always sleep in it alone. Unless you have animals or children. As time goes on, society is starting to accept the big woman, slightly. You even have men that openly state that they like their women to be big. But they start to put standards on us. They want the boobs, the hips and thighs, and the ass. But not the stomach. Well, I am sorry to have to break it to you, but a big woman is going to have a stomach along with everything else.
So my advice to you people out there that think they may be attracted to BBWs, remember that we are not just cute to be a big girl. We are beautiful all around. Don’t be a closet BBW lover. No one nowadays is going to care if you like big women and if they do, ask yourself why do you care what they think! We love to eat, so don’t judge us by what we choose to eat or how much we choose to eat. Food is delicious so stop being so judgmental. Don’t look for a BBW that has a fat ass and thighs. If you want her, you need to want all of her and that includes her stomach because it isn’t going anywhere any time soon. But she might if you don’t accept all of her! We’re not opposed to exercise or eating healthy but don’t try to force it on us. Most of us are comfortable and confident in who we are. Believe it or not, we had to come to terms with it a long time ago. Meeting you won’t change how we see or love ourselves. But it should change how to view a BBW or SSBBW. As the saying goes, big girls need love too! So give us that and I guarantee you, you will have everything that you need and more. No woman is going to love you more than a woman that is more!