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I just want to share with everyone some realities about abuse, mainly sexual abuse. There’s so much more that I just can’t put into words but I hope this can help people understand, and those who already understand to not feel alone.
I do use the word victim a few times because it’s the easiest depiction, although I do hate that word, but that is just (for me) a mental effect of being abused.
It’s so sad to me that victims try to rationalize their shame as reality because they feel like they deserved or played a part in getting sexually abused. That is your mind playing tricks on you. You did not deserve it, it was not your fault. These people that hurt us are sick, they think they can get away with anything and they know it’s going to affect you, they just hope it affects you so badly that you don’t report it. This is what your brain tells you:
They KNEW you were vulnerable and that they could take advantage of you. They KNEW you would blame yourself and not report them. They KNEW you would keep believing their lies. They KNEW you would be too ashamed to tell. They KNEW you would be too embarrassed to tell your friends and family- who would have forced you to get help.
Your brain tells you that its YOUR fault. That you shouldn’t be stupid, vulnerable, and weak. You have to find a way to shut that stuff off—it’s not truth that your brain is telling you—it’s that’s person's evil trying to penetrate your brain.
Rape is NOT always a physical penetration—but it is ALWAYS a mental one.
These people who hurt us are sick, twisted, calculating people... and there’s NO reason you should share the blame.
We need to learn to support one another, stop victim blaming. Stop shoving the guilt onto the accuser, just because you want to give the lawful “innocent until proven guilty” to the accused.
Sometimes you just have to accept that the truth is there are some situations where we will never know the truth. Only the abuser(s) and the victim(s) (& God if you so believe) will know the truth. Not the people in the next room—not the people across the room that aren’t paying attention—not the people waiting outside.
Also we need to clear up the fact that people think a victim is always screaming and fighting back for their life. Sometimes the abuser does everything in their power to prevent that... such as have help to hold someone down, watch the door, bring you to a secluded area, make you trust them so that you think they are safe to be alone with, cover your mouth, choke you... & sometimes they just rely on plain old instinct- when you cannot physically “fight or flight” your brain WILL take over and freeze up until the attack is over. You will just be in shock, unable to move, but that does not mean you don’t feel/hear every bit of what’s happening.
If you have friends or family members that’s have become distant, have changed and you don’t know why... lost interest in hobbies, stopped smiling and laughing as much, have depression on and off, have blocked out memories... cringe when you mention a certain time or person, please just be there for them. Tell them you see they are going through something, tell them if they want to tell you what’s going on you will listen. Tell them you love them!
I know there are millions of people out there that can understand this... I SO wish there weren’t... but to those people, keep on sharing your stories, thoughts, and feelings so that others will have the guts to speak up, notice change in loved ones, and STOP BELIEVING IT'S THEIR FAULT.