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Is Toxic Masculinity a Real Concept? If So, What Would Constitute as Toxic Femininity?

Are we shaming men because they involuntarily display the characteristics of traditional male gender roles? Are men who aren't considered traditionally masculine exempt from this then? Is toxic masculinity a construct? Where does toxic femininity fit into the picture?

Drawing by Moi: morcika96

I can, with quite a sizeable certainty, claim that humans are biologically dimorphic. We have the characteristic traits that separate males from females physically and even psychologically. Now that we highlighted that, and we can all agree that women have boobs and are generally of smaller stature, have softer features and sparse body hair, as well as that men are more angular, should be taller, and are basically yetis and possess a peen, we can move on to the real issue here. 

Now this is a rough description of secondary and primary sexual characteristics but it is quite salient that even if I didn't say which one was which, one could perfectly distinguish between more feminine or more masculine. 

Obviously there's a vast variety of these characteristics in terms of individual differences which is to be celebrated along with me—a freak of nature being 5'9. Amazingly I have never defied my own definition faster.  To assure whoever reads this, apart from the editors here, I do possess the rest of the good stuff mentioned in secondary characteristics. 

Now, the psychological characteristics are partly brought on by these physical characteristics, male and female brains work differently hence male advantage in spatial navigation and women's ability in verbal skills or multitasking. (I absolutely overused characteristics, I can't believe synonyms are rarer in this language than a sane tweet from Trump...) 

Gender roles are a byproduct of the dimorphism which evolved throughout history. The traditional roles evolved because females were to reproduce and while they were pregnant they couldn't fend for themselves so the males went on hunts and tried to support their own needs as well as the females' and possibly survive, too. Pretty straightforward. 

Ostensibly as society evolved these roles got more complex and they got added societal labels too which defined what was and what wasn't acceptable. Evolution went and asked our friend, Individual Differences, to shake it all up; not to make it easy at all for people to be assorted into one or the other group, rejected compartmentalisation at the hand. Evolution was like: gotta do the thang where I mix things up and make British males I send unassuming tall women's general direction seem like Frodo next to Gandalf. Cause height. It also went and was like: gotta do my thang and make some women more hardcore and lift far heavier weights than the average male does. Cause do they even lift. Do they. 

Diversity is an advantage and individual differences don't just physically affect people but alter mental conceptions of societal gender roles too. 

To me it quite simply depends on what a person can and can't do. Society does condition many misconceptions into people at a young age. Later on, however, I truly believe it is our interests and what we are majorly exposed to that guide us and create our own conception of gender roles. 

I would certainly love a man who can cook and can spoil me. I rarely saw my dad cook though. I'd rather cook for my boyfriend too because it would be painful to see how he tries to make something edible and ultimately fail. In his family it is the women who cook too. Therefore no matter how much I would want it, I would probably grab the spatula out of his hands so that he doesn't burn a toast and he would feel no guilt in not helping me cook at all. Now this can and will change with time... the man's gotta learn.

From a strongly third wave feminist point of view, simply just doing the courtesy of cooking for a man is disgraceful. What my point is, is that none of the previously described behaviour is toxic or exclusive to males. It's a perfect example of learned behaviour. I don't like it that he wouldn't budge to cook something for me but that's at the best annoying when I don't feel like cooking or feel rich enough to order food. (He'll learn, the man will learn...) It has probably little to do with his gender or the gender he identifies with because his genitals approve it to be politically correct. I live with two male Italian chefs, if that does not demonstrate the sly work of Individual Differences, nothing does. If my boyfriend was interested in cooking, there would be no stopping him in becoming the next Ramsay. However he ain't. Come to think of it I am not sure what sort of household activity he does like apart from the obvious...

I know that feminists usually come up with way more extreme situations when males exert their male power that only the Y chromosome can enable. I do know what they mean exactly. However that's called chauvinism. Or when it comes to fuck-boys, being an asshole. 

Again it goes against what they, feminists, would want men to stop doing to women. With the period jokes or to go back to the kitchen. Gendering a behaviour which has little to do with gender. These aspects can and I think, do, depend more on learned behaviour and personality than anything else.

Toxic masculinity is another form by which modern feminism is trying to exploit something that does not exist or already does under totally different monikers. 

I agree catcalling is not nice. We could live without it if construction workers would, please, refrain from expressing their vulgar opinion but these men probably think this is a perfectly venerated form of appreciating a woman. It is the woman again who takes offence because let's be honest it's not up to the pleasant standard either if us upholds. Respect for the exceptions. This does not mean that men do this to harm anyone or that it is in anyway harassment or toxic. Harassment would be if they went up to someone or followed a person who previously expressed that this behaviour was not appreciated. Should they know better? Maybe. Then  again that would require someone to have shown them that this is not okay. While not one woman jumps into bed with someone who whistle after them on the street, the simple silence we endure it with is enough encouragement and positive feedback that they do not feel the need to stops since  there are no negative consequences. Why? Because it rarely resulted in anything violently detrimental. 

They may be assholes that happen to be a men but they're not assholes because they're men. Some women do go around and shout at men they find attractive on the street, too. Again does not make them an asshole. And even if it did it wasn't  because of their gender or biological sex. It would be because they have a shitty personality. Men do catcalling more often so it's more prominent but again it's by society's construct that it is far less acceptable than when women do it. 

Rape, that is toxic. That isn't a vulgar but harmless appreciation of aesthetically pleasing others. You have to be a horrible human being to defile someone's body like that. That again is not about masculinity. It is about power. It can be learned behaviour or a paraphilia. Most women high in trait laychopathy for example do it because it arouses them to demean and dominate a man. 

Not everyone is taught how to handle situations or how to handle situations well—rapists are textbook examples of this behaviour. This is their idea of I'm showing you who's wearing the pants—without actually physically doing so. 

Unfortunately in my research of female psychopaths I actually found that women are just as likely to rape not just men but women too, like their male counterparts. It goes undetected since male victims especially are exponentially more denied shelter or support or have their report devalued since it is still so unimaginable that women would do such an absolutely abhorrent thing. 

So rape would be a perfect example of the toxic masculinity... only women rape too. Female offenders were just so lucky to get away with it most of the time because the public domain hasn't addressed it so attentively previously. Also because they use the nurturer's facade as a shield so effectively. 

Saying that a certain type of behaviour is typical of one gender deepens the ravine between the sexes even though we live in the era of the celebration of diversity. 

What feminists describe as toxic masculine behaviour is just behaviour that is more representative of males. Behaviour that, I stress, traditional gender roles would constitute as male  traits. 

And no, people who rape are not toxic males, they are horrid people. Cat-callers are inappropriate at worst but still are not toxic males because it is just an unintelligent way of screaming a chat up line at people or a frowned upon manner of the appreciation of the visually pleasing experience people provide. I know it's cringey but I also feel like some women love it. Not specifically from the construction workers but if it came from whoever their target male partner-candidate demographic was —it would be fine.

God they even say holding doors open and helping women's coats off belongs to this category. 

I open doors for people too. And I have been in situations were women have allowed me to stand there for at least five minutes before a single male realised that I wasn't a door-stopper for people who think they have more important shit to attend to—f*ck those women by the way. It was just doing the descent human thing and being considerate and not a self absorbed, wait for it... asshole. Which as mentioned women can just as well be. 

Besides is it toxic femininity to get into nightclubs for free but men have to pay? To get free drinks that men have to pay for but women don't even feel the need to offer to buy out of courtesy, let alone seriously consider buying? Is it toxic femininity to expect men to pay for dinner? To trick men into having a child that they explicitly said were not ready for by not taking contraception? 

Is it not toxic femininity to get laid by threatening a man with reporting him for harassing the woman, if he didn't sleep with her?

Women, if anything, have become so sheltered that there is little men can do to counteract it. Some cannot cope with the fact that women are allowed into every single part of life and in some aspects perform better and men feel they have no importance anymore. This again is a personal view and has nothing to do with masculinity being toxic. Are they not right to feel a little bit devalued when in the middle of wanting equality no one cares about their issues? And I'm not talking about the corporate asshole who is 25, lives alone and earns three times as much as someone his age could spend—because yes, that is some sort of privilege—also doesn't mean that he didn't work for it or earned it. His only issue is to think about how to spend all that money on partying, on women etc. Those are not issues. Issues are when men are abused, when men are not awarded custody of their children or when hey get three times as much time in prison as women. 

Toxic masculinity is a construct to make people feel sorry for women. Because how dare a man assume that it's okay to open a door or say hi if they have not been properly introduced by the present acquaintances at the annual ball, like they did in the 19th century? It is another concept to alienate men from women. If anything women need to grow up, appreciate the open doors they do not have to force open, and walk through them while the man holding the door silently appreciates, that said woman, has an amazing booty. Naturally. They way it should be. They way men are probably thankful for women holding the door and women for the glimpse of the booty. 

At the end both go on with their lives; humanity survives. How about that. 

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