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I Think I'm a Feminist...

Comedy Article on People's Thoughts of What Feminism Is

So, I think I might be a feminist, but I'm not really sure. Let me be clear, I believe we should all have equal rights no matter your sex, race, religion...if you're one of those 'new nazis' maybe you shouldn't have rights. Maybe you should go back to kindergarten and learn some manners. This article though, is about feminism. I am a feminist, I think. However, now if you tell someone you're a feminist, you get a lot of bad reactions. Or maybe that's just me because most of my family and over half of my friends are republicans. I'm also a republican so when I say I'm a feminist a lot of people are like, "Umm, okay so you're democratic now? Wow. Okay." And get all offended like I suddenly became a communist and asked to kill their first born child. 

I've observed that many people have suddenly begun to think that if you believe something that's popular in that moment in time but liked by the other side, you are all of the sudden considered the opposite of what you actually are. You may have one democratic belief and be completely republican other than that. But if that belief becomes popular in the media for some reason, you now democratic. There is no changing it. Welcome to the dark side. It goes both ways too. If you're democratic and you have one republican view, republicans do our pompous laugh and give you a basket of gross cookies that you'll throw away in a week, to welcome you to the other side. It's insanity and it's even more insanity how divided we truly are. 

Anyway, I really can't be sure if I'm a feminist because a lot of people consider feminists to be people who believe in equal rights for all genders. and are fighting to make that real. I agree. And so does the definition. The definition of feminism is actually stated as this: "The advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes". If we're going by that I am totally a feminist. Other people define it as making women the dominate power. That'd be cool and all, but it would also be kind of scary. Not because we would start wars during our time of the month, which is what most men seem to think. But because we would have a super functional society. Overly functional almost. I'm also pretty sure we would bring back slavery if we were the dominate power. We would make men slaves. I am in no way saying I wouldn't love to live in a world run completely by women and make a few of my exes do all the things I don't want to do for free while I laugh at them, but I am saying that a healthy balance is probably better for everyone. 

Honestly, I'm really not sure how we're not the dominate power. We create all humans. Without us the population would quite literately stop. We're pretty cool. We started so many movements and we've come so far. We definitely deserve equal wages and equal opportunities and yes, we deserve the right to our own bodies. No vagina? No opinion. Anyway, we have come really far and it is actually super amazing all the strides we've taken. I'm really proud of where we are as a gender. It's pretty awesome.

I'm a feminist in that I believe we should all be equal. I am not a feminist in that I believe Hilary should stop trying to run for president. Every feminist I talk to seems to claim that Hilary is going to be our first woman president and seems so proud...We're a great gender. I feel like we should have a woman president but we can do better, much, much better than Hilary Clinton for the first president that's going to represent us. Let's find a candidate we actually want to vote for and that we might be able to trust. Probably not that last part because you can't trust anyone involved in politics anymore but at the very least we can do better than Hilary. Feminist need a great woman to follow in politics. A truly great woman that is making noise. That is demanding to be heard while also listening. That is a powerful feminist. 

I want to be a feminist. But I am so afraid of what I am agreeing to. I would call myself a feminist. However, if there were a "Terms and Conditions" page to being a feminist, I'd actually read it before I signed it. It would be the only time in my life that I ever actually read every word in one of those "Terms and Conditions" pages, but I would do it. I'd have a highlighter and pen writing down everything I wasn't sure if I agreed with. I don't think they would let me be a feminist because I would take too long to study the terms and conditions. 

Then, you get people who tell you that they're not feminist, they're a gender equalist. It always concerns me a little because for the longest time I have been under the impression that they are basically the same thing. It concerns me because suddenly, I'm wondering if I've been telling people I'm a feminist and they think I want to kill all men because I didn't say that I believe in gender equality. This world is so confusing. English is confusing enough, but on top of that, let's confuse everyone by having six different ideas of what one political group actually is. It still shocks me that people want to come to America because we've got to be so confusing to anyone who didn't grow up here. I grew up here and I'm confused. 

Seriously though, this article was made to be funny, but everything I said was completely my opinion. Hilary should give up and never ever be president, ever. Like when I say my prayers every night, I pray that Hilary doesn't run again. We should all be paid equal wages if we're doing the same jobs, and we should have say over our own bodies. Men and women. That's what I believe. There should be a healthy balance within the people we have in power. Not an equal number of men and women, but rather a healthy balance in that, when we're electing people, gender shouldn't play a factor, race shouldn't play a factor, religion shouldn't play a factor. Whoever is most qualified should get the job. The end. I'm not sure I would call myself a feminist simply for the fact that many people get offended when I do; feminists and non-feminists. This is a really weird world we live in. My main point is this: do not ask me if I am a feminist. I don't want people to tell me they're a feminist because honestly, so many people don't actually know what it means. Don't tell me you're a feminist or not a feminist. Tell me what equalities you believe in and we'll go from there. 

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