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I, Human

Finally Paying Attention to What Matters

By Selena VillegasPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Photo by Nicole Adams on Unsplash

It is almost three years since I have been attacked one early October morning as I was jogging around my neighborhood. Fortunately I was able to escape and the cops were able to catch him, but he was never prosecuted for it. Just once someone called about the incident a month later, but nothing after that. My trust with the police was already rocky to begin with, and this incident proved my belief even more. And even though I was not harmed, the incident left me paranoid around men and scared to the point I had to quit my job because the majority of my coworkers were guys. I just couldn't be there.

Before counseling, I tried dealing with on my own. My family didn't really know what to do about it or even what to say. So we all tried to act normal, and that never works. Realizing that was hard, no one wants to believe that there is something wrong with them or that something changed. I began to read some psychology and self-help books that would mention about PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and what happens if left untreated. They also mentioned depression, which a few of the behaviors that were mentioned I had realized I was doing (such as hoarding, sleeping too much or too little, very anxious, flash backs). I know I shouldn't have "self diagnosed" myself. It is not recommended, especially if you are not able to take care of yourself or don't have any kind of support system. After a suicide attempt, and then another man trying to get me into his car, I started counseling. I was just done, really pissed off that I had kept it all inside and not be able to do anything about it. I thought, "I don't have time for this sh**. I have GOALS to accomplish, and no time for men's nonsense and sh**ty behavior."

So counseling isn't just for this depression and anxiety (which was what I ended up being diagnosed with) I have developed thanks to these men, but also my anger and this sense of weakness I felt of myself, and to get myself back on my feet. But I couldn't ignore these types of situations anymore. It's true that if something doesn't happen to you, it doesn't affect you or it's not as important to you. So when I meet women who have gone through even worse situations, my blood boils. Some of these women barely started the process of healing, others triumphed and succeeded these moments. Some became a voice for other women and a helping hand. Even though I am glad that victims are opening up more of what's going on in Hollywood and around the world, there is still so much to do in our communities. We are still not being heard enough, or it is not talked about enough.

In my own family there are women who have gone through abuse that no one talks about or is allowed to talk about. There is this Mexican saying (although I think it's told in other countries) that goes "calladita te ves mas bonita," which translates to "you look prettier when you're quiet." For some reason this is a common phrase. For along time I have never really thought of the context of the phrase, and the first time someone said this phrase to me, it was after Trump became president. Seriously? My aunt told this to me. I already knew how sexist here in America is, and in my own community. But family was another thing. What are you teaching my little cousins? Why are you teaching us to be silent? That is why it is important to inform ourselves, and to start with our inner circles so from there can spread to the rest of the community. We shouldn't let this be happening to anyone.

And it's so confusing on why there are people who don't want to help this violence against women, or anyone else. That's all we want (and equal pay). It just doesn't make sense. Someone explain to me how abusing women, killing women for rejecting you, helps anyone's life. It's such a privilege for those who don't have to worry about being drugged and raped on a date, or killed. Or to worry about going out anywhere really. Or to be able to go unpunished or not punished enough for something they did to another person. Even being silent of these actions/events is a privilege. It may seem complicated, but it really isn't.

feminism
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