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I Can't Even Do My Laundry

A Letter to the Wife of the Man Who Sexually Assaulted Me

I'm quite certain you don't know what happened. Not many men go around bragging about assaulting women. However, I wouldn't be surprised if he told you about me. When I left your apartment, he had no fear. He even told me to come back. 

He had just grabbed my bare vagina after I said no, and he told me to come back. Soon.

I have never been all that worried about living by myself. I'm a strong young woman; I can take care of myself. When your husband started being friendly with me, I didn't think much of it. He seemed like a lonely hermit of a man. Always on the balcony, smoking, and talking about race cars. We greeted each other, talked about the weather and sports; simple, small things.

Then he invited me up. He said he was lonely. Nobody was home and he was just lonely. I figured I'd sit and chat with him for half an hour and go about my night. But he had different plans.

He grabbed my bare vagina. He pulled down my pants, unbuttoned my dress, and asked me to take him to bed. Said it had been a while since he'd been intimate. I asked him about you: the woman he lives with. He said you two were just friends. You slept in two separate rooms. That you told him to get his sex elsewhere, so that's what he was doing.

I was just trying to be nice. I wanted to offer company to someone lonely, because I know what it feels like to be lonely. In return, I was assaulted. Taken advantage of. What kind of payment is that for kindness? Why did it cross his mind that he could attack me?

I don't feel safe in my apartment anymore. Any time someone walks by the door, I fear it will be your husband. I worry that he's watching me through his window. I'm petrified that if I go to the laundry room, he'll be there. I haven't washed my clothes in weeks because I'm afraid. I haven't had a peaceful night of sleep in weeks because I'm afraid.

I want you to know what he did. You have a right to know. He assaulted me and now I live in fear. "No" wasn't good enough for him. Pushing him away wasn't a cue. Telling him I have a boyfriend didn't change anything. He told me he didn't care about my boyfriend or about you.

It makes me wonder about you. Do you know he does this? Do you feel safe living with him? How many other women have there been? I want you to know what your husband is. How he has made me feel. Because I cannot walk past your apartment without crying, and that's not okay. I don't feel safe enough to sleep in my own bed, and that's not okay. I practically run to my car when I leave for work because I don't want him to see me, and that's not okay. 

None of this is okay. None of this is normal. None of this is a part of life. Your husband is a predator and I want you to know.

It's not okay for him to get away with what he's done. He shouldn't be immediately forgiven for what he's done. Clearly, he doesn't know how to treat women properly.

I don't know if you'll ever see this article. It may go completely unnoticed. But I hope you get out. I hope you find someone better. Your husband is trash. Any man who thinks it's totally okay to violate women is trash. Any man who has no problem traumatizing someone is absolute trash. 

Sincerely,

The girl your husband sexually assaulted

PS...there's a lot going unsaid. I cannot fathom everything I'm feeling. I'm never going to be done talking about this or coming up with new words for what I'm feeling. This is just a start.

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