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Chapter 5: Nikki
Jesse and I have been in a relationship for about 6 months now. It's only been online and via text messages but none the less it felt great to have someone to love again. It's funny that we were in love and that we even had visions of living together some day.
Today I was volunteering for the American Legion Pancake Breakfast. It was great seeing some of the sweet veterans that I usual talk to and listen to their tales of war. I had been working like a dog with the prepping, the serving, and the cleaning of the tables. By the time I was taking the tables and chairs down with the rest of the volunteer crew someone entered the Legion Hall. I turned and saw a man standing in the door way. I couldn't make out the face since the sunlight was still powering in from his direction. I gently walked up to him and smiled.
"I'm sorry sir, but we're closed-"
I froze. I never heard his voice before but I could tell when I got closer who it was.
I instantly hugged him.
"I can't believe you're here," I said in a whisper.
His arms wrapped around me tighter, returning the hug. He pulled back a little bit with a smile.
"I have to see my girlfriend at some point in our relationship."
"Oh, Jesse-" I wanted to slap him on the arm but he caught me off guard with a quick kiss to my lips. His lips were soft and sweet like honey. Almost addicting in a way. I pulled back quickly.
"I'll be right back I have to finish cleaning up with the rest of the crew." I started heading back but Jesse's hand grabbed my wrist and gently pulled me back.
"I can help babe." He moved his hand lower and entwined his with mine. I walked him to the rest of the crew and made quick introductions. Everyone seemed happy about meeting Jesse and happy for me too. Of course there were the few jokes of the, "oh, you're too young to have a boyfriend." We finished up the work and sat outside of the building for a bit.
"So, how did you know I was here?" I asked as I pulled my knees closer to my chest.
"Your friend, Margaret, told me that you usually help her and her family out with whatever is going on with the American Legion which just so happens to be a few blocks away from my house. So I figured it would be a nice surprise to finally come see you." He smiled and put his arm around me.
For the first time, in a long time, I felt so happy and loved. I didn't want this moment to end.
It's been 3 weeks since Jesse and I broke up and it's been slowly getting more better at trying to move on. Everything was the same before I met Jesse and after Jesse and I broke up...everything went back to average for me. Classes at school were just...too easy for me to where I still passed with A's. Home was still brutal with the drinking still happening and the abuse still occurring to where I was back to wearing jackets all the time no matter if the classrooms were well heated enough. I've been staying over at Margaret's house more just to try and escape from everything.
"Nikki, your ex is messaging me again saying that he needs to talk to you."
"Okay, I'll talk to him later." My response so cold and not caring.
Margaret put her hand on her hips, "Woman, you've been saying that for the last 3 days now. Have you been talking to him at all since your break up?"
I nodded my head no. I wanted to forget ever being with him. I got so close to him and told him such details that not even Margaret knows about.....only for my heart to be crushed like this. Last thing I wanted was to talk to him.
Margaret huffed and pushed me to her computer and pointed at her screen.
"Just talk to him okay? Hopefully he'll stop messaging me if he talks to you." she left the room before I could protest.
- I heard through the grapevine that you wanted to talk to me... -
I started off.
- Hi Nikki, how are you? -
Really, he's trying small talk first.
- Look Jesse, you told Margaret that you needed to talk to me so talk. -
I didn't want to play anymore games with him.
- I was just wondering if by any chance....are you pregnant? -
My eyes widened and my jaw dropped to the floor. I took me a moment to process his words and then I thought for a moment trying to remember when I had my last period...shit I'm late. I tried calming myself down and told myself that I'm only late due to the stress of our break up. Yeah that's why, I've been late before due to stress in the past so I'm sure that's it.
- No I'm not pregnant. Why would you ask me that? -
- My grandma told me she had a dream that you were pregnant. Usually when she dreams that someone is with child. She's usually right. Has your period come yet? -
He has the balls to ask me this all because his grandma had a freaking dream I was pregnant? Does he realize how crazy this sounds?
- No my period has not come yet. If you must know it is late this time. I figure with the stress of our break up that I was going to be having my period late. -
- So are you gonna take a test to check? -
Sighs this better not be a game.
- I'll go and get one now with my friend Ray Ray. -
I logged off before he could respond back to me. I told Margaret that I was meeting Ray Ray at the library to help her out with a paper she's researching about. I offered her to come with which she declined. I shot a quick message on my prepaid phone to Ray Ray to have her meet me at the dollar tree near the library.
Not long after I got there Ray Ray found me and I filled her in on the details quick. I found a pregnancy test at the Dollar Tree and read the instructions carefully. It said it was best to take the test in the morning so I guess Jesse is going to have to wait until morning for the results.
"If you are pregnant, are you going to keep it?" Ray Ray asked.
That was a stupid question to ask. "Of course I am. There's no doubt about that regardless if the father and I aren't good on terms right now. My baby, my choice."
I hugged Ray Ray and thanked her for coming with. I told her I would tell her the results soon as I take the test.
I walked back to Margaret's house and spent the rest of the night hanging out with her and her family. Not caring if Jesse was waiting for me to respond back to him.
Before I went to sleep I messaged Jesse. I doubt he was going to be up since he was on holiday in Florida visiting his family there.
- Hey, just letting you know that I got the test but I will be taking it in the morning since the instructions say it's best to take it in the morning. Good night. -
I logged off not caring if he replied. I went to bed and tried not to think about the panic I'm going to be in if I am pregnant. I fell asleep with my hands on my tummy.
"Shit, I'm pregnant...." I sighed and logged onto the computer again.
- Results came back positive. -
Two minutes go by and I get a response.
- What does that mean again? -
I couldn't believe he was not understanding what I just said to him. Angered by his response I did my best to keep calm.
- It means that I am pregnant and that you are going to be a dad. -
I hit send and went into the shower to wash away my anger.
Soon as I got out Jesse and I kept talking more and more about the baby.
What was going to be the more harder part was explaining to my parents that I am keeping my child and that I was more than willing to work my but off to keep my child.
It would be a few more days before Jesse was coming back home. I tried my best to prepare myself for the worst but I was still a nervous wreck.
I went to my group counselors to see if they could help me find a way to bring up the subject to my parents in a calmly manner. Everyone seemed surprised I was pregnant... but I could tell from the look on the other kids' faces that they were already judging me. I waited again to where Mr. Back and Mr. Jackson were alone.
"Look I know teen pregnancy is always frowned upon but we were careful. I refused to go on birth control because I always keep seeing law suits on the latest woman's birth control and didn't want to risk it. So Jesse and I were using condoms. When the 1st one broke we didn't think anything of it. The 2nd time it happened, we changed brands. And by the final time.... we broke up before we could even really think nor care..... I'm...I'm...I'm not a slut...." I started to cry in my arms, no longer caring who saw me crying.