Hell Into Heaven Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Nikki

January, 2011

*Smack*

“DAMN IT NIKKI! YOU DIDN'T SET THE ALARM ON THE CLOCK! GET UP OR I’LL BE LATE FOR WORK!” screamed my dad.

He hit me again. Why am I not surprised? I got up fast and got dressed. I brushed my hair really quick and threw it up in a ponytail. I grabbed my lunch and my dad’s and as my dad was in the bathroom I told him I’ll meet him in the car. I look at the time. I couldn’t believe him. He got mad because it was five minutes after six o’clock. It barely takes him ten minuets to drop me off at school. I didn’t say anything to my dad when he got in the van. When I went into school, the first place I went to was the girl's bathroom.

I got close to their full length mirror, took off my jacket and put it on the floor. Slowly I turned and lifted my shirt up a bit to reveal my back. Sure enough more bruises were popping up from last night and a red spot on where a new one will form thanks to this morning. I wanted to cry from the pain I was in but I knew someone would hear me and ask me what happened and then I would have to say the truth, which I keep getting told I’m not supposed to do. Things are getting so much harder to deal with. My nightmares still come except for the few nights I had to cry myself to sleep or when I was completely burnt out that I passed out.

I walked out of the girl's bathroom and Ray Ray caught up with me and gave me a big hug. I winced and almost cried. Ray Ray saw and immediately pulled away.

“They still hurting you, hun?” she asked with a concerned look.

“Yeah and another one coming in, too,” I said as quietly as possible.

Ray Ray almost hissed and gently rubbed my back a bit trying to ease the pain. I pressed my forehead on her shoulder to help me stay calm.

“Honey, please tell one of the counselors. I’m getting worried about you.” Ray Ray said while still rubbing my back.

I shook my head in agreement. I was actually seeing a group like therapy for kids who are suffering from one or more family members drinking. Mostly parents but it was still good to talk it out. I took a deep breath and put on my game face and pretended nothing was wrong with me. Ray Ray and I walked to our usual meeting spot and hung out with everyone else until classes started.

Shortly after my lunch period I went to the counselors wing where we did our usual group time. Always present and punctual were the two counselors in charge of the group. Mr.Jackson and Mr. Back. They were really cool. It was a lot easier to talk to them than the counselor I was originally assigned too. Group was great; everyone vented and had positive feedback. I remained seated and waited for the rest of the group students to leave. Mr. Jackson could already tell I wanted to talk more.

“Are you okay, Nikki?” Mr. Jackson started.

“Honestly.... no. I wish I was but I’m not. I don’t want to go home anymore. Things at the motel still suck ass. My parents are still getting drunk and fighting with each other and me. They’re still hurting me and not remembering a damn thing the next morning. This morning I was hit again. “

I paused and got up to show my bruises. I could hear Mr. Jackson and Mr. Back gasping in shock. I pulled my shirt down and sat back down, finally letting my tears drop.

“So you see, I can’t, I won’t go home.” I struggle to say.

I remained silent as Mr. Jackson and Mr. Back processed what I was saying. Mr. Jackson spoke first.

“Well Nikki, I’m sorry to hear that things are really going down hill for you at home. Why don’t we have a talk to Ms. Ratini? She’s one of the social workers here who can help better than we can.”

Mr. Back was nodding in agreement and I remained quiet but also shook my head in agreement. We all got up and went to Ms. Ratini’s office and reexplained the whole issue again.

“Well Nikki, what I can do is contact Youth Outreach Services and see if they can put you in a temporary foster home. I’m not sure what will happen after that but DCFS will be getting involved as well. We’ll need to call your parents today if you really want to do this,” Ms. Ratini calmly explained.

I started shaking and tried to process more and more on what will happen to me.

“I’ll still be able to go to school here, right?” I asked. School was no issue for me. I was a straight A student. School was my distraction away from home.

“I don’t think it’ll be a problem, Nikki. But you’ll need to know this. DCFS will still have to be called because me, Mr. Jackson, and Mr. Back have to. We can get fired if we don’t. “

I was still afraid. I knew this was still going to be bad no matter what. All my life my parents kept telling me to keep my mouth shut about what was going on in my life... but I didn’t want that to happen anymore.

“Okay, let's do this. Call Youth Outreach Services,” I said and began to cry silent tears, knowing I just signed my death warrant. In no time at all, a case worker from Youth Outreach Services came and explained to me in further detail on what would happen. Shortly after that my parents came to the school. If looks could kill, I would have been killed at least a hundred times already. It was just me, my parents, and the Youth Outreach Case Worker that was in a small conference like room.

“Why are you doing this to us? You know we love you. Are you doing this for attention?” was all my mother could repeat to me.

As for my father, all he kept saying was, “This is such bullshit. You’re only doing this because of this morning.” He had his arms crossed the whole time.

I had about enough of them. I stood up fast, almost scaring the Youth Outreach Case Worker from surprise. I unzipped my jacket and threw it on the floor and lifted my shirt.

“Then you tell me what the hell is this then, huh? I can probably play connect the dots on my arms and stomach from you guys!”

“Those aren’t real. You probably self inflicted those," my mom said.

I was boiling mad. And I turned around and showed off my back bruises.

“Tell me, are these self inflicted?” I turned around and pulled my shirt down.

“I wouldn’t expect you guys to remember any of this with all the goddamn beer you both drink on a daily basis. I’m still surprised that you guys can remember your own God damn names let alone where you even work at!”

I sat back down and picked up my jacket and waited for someone else to speak.

“You guys should never have been parents. I would have chosen death over this life any day of the week. I’m done living in that the roach infested motel room you guys keep wanting to call home. Do you know that a motel is just supposed to be a temporary place. Like a week or two at the most. How long have we been there? Almost 13 years... that’s not temporary at all. You both need to clean up with your hoarding and stop with the drinking.”

I stayed silent after that and the case worker took over from there, and had my parents do some paperwork before I was taken away. That night I met my foster mother. She has two kids of her own, really tall kids who were younger than me. They were a nice family but I still wasn’t used to being with people I didn’t know. I know what I did was right and I was hoping it would get better for me and for them.

(Two and A Half Weeks Later....)

I’m still at the foster home. It was great actually, relaxing and not worrying about dealing with drunks of any kind. I was still going to my school with no issue, right after the bell I was picked up my the case worker and sent straight to the foster home. It was kind of lonely for a while since the foster mom would work and her kids were pretty active in their school sports. When I finished my homework, I got bored and more depressed. I went on Facebook trying to talk to someone... but most of the people I talked too wouldn’t really talk back to me.

I started getting more depressed and felt like hurting myself and was ready with a blade at my wrist....*ping*

I looked at my Facebook and saw a message from a friend. It was from a guy name Jesse. I didn’t remember how I knew him but I figured I must have added him when I was adding everyone I had a lot of mutual friends with. I took the blade away and opened up the message.

- Hi, are you okay? I read one of your recent statuses and got worried.

- No, I’m feeling really depressed. I’m currently in a foster home by myself and I hate being alone. I was hoping to talk to some of my friends from school but I guess they’re all busy with stuff....

- Well you can talk to me. I’m here to listen. So tell me how did you end up in a foster home to begin with?

I explained my whole situation to him and gave him every detail of what my parents put me through including the details of my neighbor raping me. Reading his replies back it made me have some tears with joy. He expressed anger and understanding of my situation.

We started messaging each other more and more almost everyday for about a week. I told him that in a few days I was expected to go to court and hopefully might have a judge rule an emergency emancipation on me. That night. I told him about court I had to get some blood work done at a certain clinic. My DCFS case worker came by to pick me up around eight o’clock at night. When I got in the van, there were two other kids that were in a similar situation as me. The drive seemed to have taken forever. By the time we did get to the clinic, we still had to sit and wait for a while. I kept texting my foster mother to let her know that I was still waiting at the clinic. By the time I got back to the foster home, it was about four in the morning. My foster mother was really worried and told me that I was not going to school that day so that I could sleep.

I don’t know what made me do it but I got on the little laptop they had and sent a quick message to Jesse to let him know that wasn’t going to school today. He replied back almost instantly.

- Sorry to hear that happened. Least you’ll be able to rest now. Sleep tight, Nikki, I’ll most likely message you on my lunch break.

After reading that I smiled faintly and shut off the laptop and went right to sleep.

When I woke up, it was already noon. I stayed laying in bed and powered up the laptop. Already waiting for me was a message from Jesse.

- Hope you were able to get some sleep. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts. Message me when you’re awake. :)

I smiled and felt warm on the inside. I started messaging him back.

(The Next Day.....)

Today is the day I’m going to court and hopefully be emancipated from them. My Youth Outreach Case Worker picked me up from the foster home and we headed into the city for court. When we got there, I saw my DCFS case worker, Jose, waiting for me. He’s seen the motel from top to bottom, roaches and all, so he knew how bad my parents' hoarding was. A few minutes passed and my parents showed up. I was still feeling scared and not wanting to look at them. Then Jose went inside the court room first. After about five minutes, he came back. He pulled me and the Youth Outreach Case Worker to the side.

“Nikki, I’m sorry but the judge threw out your case without really even looking at it. You’ll have to go back with them,” said Jose.

Panic was at my throat. Jose could see my panic and tried to calm me down. He turned to the Youth Outreach Services Case Worker and asked if there was another foster home I could go to.

“I really don’t want her back with her parents,” said Jose.

“I’m sorry but these foster homes with us are only for emergencies and the maximum stay time is three weeks. All of my other foster homes are full. “ the case worker said with a saddening tone.

I was really upset but I knew it wasn’t their fault. I extended my hand out to Jose.

“Thank you for doing your best,” I said automatically and shook his hand. I turned to the Youth Outreach Services guy and did the same.

“Thanks for trying,” I added. We walked to my parents. I stayed quiet and let the adults have their time. I was a wreck as it was and had no energy to speak.

“Even though the judge threw out the case, we’ll be having Catholic Charities checking in,” said Jose and he turned and left.

Back to hell I go.