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He's Mean To You?

Then he must like you!

By Shana NizeulPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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I've heard it so many times in my life, and I'm sure that you've heard it too. Maybe not in these words, but you've definitely heard it. If he's mean to you, then he likes you... If he treats you like shit, then he MUST be into you. But where the fuck did this come from? When did we develop this notion that if a boy is mean to you, then he likes you. In my opinion, it starts really early on, when we're so small that we are indoctrinated into this bullshit way of thinking.

If he pushes you down on the playground... oh, he's just too young to know how to tell you that he likes you. When you're older—if he makes back handed remarks at you, or pokes fun at you, then he MUST like you. If he ignores you, he likes you.... If he flaunts other girls in front of you, he must be trying to make you jealous. Like seriously, where did this bullshit come from? Because in my world, if you like someone, then you're nice to them and you do nice things for them.

People think that it's no big deal when little boys push or chase little girls, because they don't know how to express their feelings yet. But those little boys grow into the guys in high school who are nice to you in private, but won't acknowledge you in public. Oh, he's such a nice guy when we're alone. The key phrase is here is when you're alone. Then the little boy who grew into the high school guy turns into the grown man who doesn't know how to treat his partner or express his feelings!

Our society focus so much on teaching girls/women how to dress and act so that they don't call unwanted attention to themselves: how to act, speak... dress... everything... so that they don't drive men wild. Whole dress codes are written to make sure women look a certain way, because men just can't help their hormones. But maybe, just maybe, we should spend time teaching our boys how to be considerate people. Maybe we should teach them how to articulate their feelings, and how to be open and honest, instead of just trying to prepare women for the way that men behave... What is that? I just really don't understand it, and I refuse to support it.

I have written about consent before, and it makes me really sad to think that I will have to teach my daughter how to protect herself—not just how to stand up for herself, but how to protect herself from unwanted advances, how to shut someone down who won't stop touching her, or won't stop coming on to her. Because time and time again, it has been shown that men are repeatedly let off the hook when it comes to sexual comments, advances, and even rape, because they simply can't help themselves... Right?

Well, that's what society and the courts seem to think. Or, they think that men should be let off, because the embarrassment is just TOO much. Everyone knows they're a sexual deviant. Everyone knows they forced themselves on someone. Why should they be made to carry out their punishment? Isn't the embarassment of being caught, arrested, and tried enough? Nope, not even fucking close. Why??? Because they deserve it. The victim blaming starts so early, it's crazy. How about we spend more time teaching our boys and men manners, ethics, and body autonomy? Just because you want to stick your dick in someone doesn't mean that you get to.

I hope that there are a lot of other mothers out there who will talk to their sons about what it means to be a good person/man, what it means to treat the person you like with respect and admiration. I work on my relationship with my husband because our kids will do what they see, not just what you tell them. It's so simple... Focus on making sure your children aren't fucking assholes.

Teach your sons that it's never okay to rape, and teach your daughters how to stand up for themselves. Make other people uncomfortable and talk about things that need to be discussed. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Let's stop teaching our children that they should only see things through rose-colored glasses. People get raped every day, by the minute. Let's try and bring that figure down, shall we?

I know that this is a topic that's uncomfortable and hard to discuss. But if we don't talk about it, then it will never get ANY better. Please... please talk to your children about this. If we all just teach our children about respect, body autonomy, and just not being an asshole, then I think the world will be just that much better. I can't stand the thought of another generation of girls feeling this way. If he's a dick to you, then he doesn't really like you. And if he does, and treats you that way, then run away now!

I married the nice guy, and I couldn't be happier. Don't waste another minute of your life being treated less than you're worth, less than you deserve, and less than you should be. Stand up for yourself. Believe in yourself, because you are worthy of it.

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About the Creator

Shana Nizeul

Hey everyone! Here I am- happy wife, SAHM, badass photographer, and sometimes writer. Hope you like what you read!

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