Girl on Girl...

Some call them "haters," "jealous," or "brainwashed." Whatever you choose to call it, internalized misogyny is a huge issue and we need to talk about it.

Women in every country deal with various issues (some more than others). I'm not here to discuss the violence we see on a daily basis against women at this time... though I am working on that article and it's a long one.

What I want to discuss is the female on female attacks I see on a daily basis. The body shaming, the hashtag "not like other girls," the "what did she think would happen when she wore that slutty dress." These are the things I'm here to discuss.

I'm certainly not the first to write an article on the hashtag "not like other girls." It's actually been brought up on posts I've made previously on my Instagram or Twitter. This hashtag confuses me. May I ask who these "other girls" are? Do you personally know every "girl" you are claiming to be different than?

There are a few issues here. One is why we as females are lumping all other females into a group and proclaiming our superiority over them? I see plenty of unique and inspiring women who have a diverse list of achievements, interests, and knowledge. There is no "type" of girl. Implying there is feeds into the idea that all women do is compete with each and overdramatize everything.

We are all unique beings and those differences are what we bring to the table. But when I see that particular hashtag all I see is a person who wants to separate herself from other females entirely. They are suggesting that being like these "other girls" (or girls in general) is a negative. What's so wrong with sharing similarities with the likes of Michelle Obama, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Angelina Jolie, or Maya Angelou?

Of course we are all different, but the "not like other girls" hashtag isn't a positive thing, it's playing into the "all women are my competition" theme. I am beginning to notice that many females have a similar opinion on this. It's time the competition mindset among our fellow females is put to bed. I stand with women, I build up, I do not tear down, and I refuse to participate in this game another second.

Another problem I see often is the shaming of woman for weight, acne, height, breasts, bottom, or anything else one can find to tear apart. A woman shamed for her choice of dress. Some for being too covered, some for not being covered enough. We see the effects of bullying; there is no doubt bullying has long term negative effects and can even be deadly. I want to be clear on this, it is one hundred percent bullying.

While bullying is by no means specific to one gender, it definitely hurts most when I see a woman bullying another woman. In a society where women are scared to reject a male because they face a genuine threat of bodily harm, the last thing we need is another female tearing us down. I would love to think we could simply point out the golden rule and suddenly the bully would understand the damage they're doing, but that's just not real life. That's why when I see it, I call it out. I feel it is our responsibility to say "what you are doing is wrong, you are bullying and it's unacceptable". Speaking up shows a solidarity with your fellow women and it's the right thing to do.

A very personal female on female attack, for me, is women who victim blame in cases of rape, sexual assault, and harassment. I'm a rape survivor so I know the feeling of self-blame we already experience after the trauma.

Blaming a victim for her outfit, alcohol intake, going to the rapist's house and so on. There's no justification for it. I've seen women blame a victim based on her wearing yoga pants. I've heard women call victims liars, before they've even heard her story, simply because the male accused doesn't fit the image of a rapist to them.

I see excuses made for men sexually assaulting women. "She went to his house and got drunk, what did she expect?". Though it certainly comes from both sides, sadly I am no longer shocked by how many women are quick to excuse the rapist and blame the victim.

Again, calling it out is important. I'm not suggesting you endanger yourself or get into back and forth name calling on social media. You can simply say, "the victim is the victim, period. No matter what she drank, wore, if she's a sex worker etc., the victim is not the issue, the rapist is the issue."

You can leave it there. No need to argue. You won't change everyone's thinking. But you spoke up. That's the biggest part of it. The main point here is we should be building each other up. We should be inspiring each other to love ourselves and refuse to compete, that's society's priority for us: to show us as fragile, vain, and catty.

I refuse to fit that narrative. We should embrace our differences. We are in a position now where strength in numbers is crucial. We have so much we need to do to improve the world for future generations, for our own children. Whether you want kids or not is unimportant; we want our daughters, nieces, nephews, and sons to know they are empowered and strong.

The petty stuff has to end.