From Nothing to All I Ever Wanted

It all started when I left my family in Kent to live with a man I barely knew in Devon, all because I wanted to be loved, I wanted to be IN love. At first it was great and I was happy. Unfortunately, one day he left for work and I was catching up on sleep as I worked nights. However, his laptop was repeatedly pinging and so I went to mute it. The stupid boyfriend of mine left his Facebook page open and a conversation between him and another girl spread all over his screen. It seemed like he wanted me to find it!

I read the conversation and anger and upset and pure hurt filled me with emotion. He was saying it was a mistake being with me and he loved this girl... what did I do that was so wrong? I did everything for him I could. I was even paying off his debts!

Of course I stormed into his work and he said to me, "Hey baby you okay?"

All I said to him with tears in my eyes was, "You shouldn't leave your Facebook conversation all over your laptop screen hunny" and left. He tried to stop me leaving his work, he looked stunned but very upset which I couldn't work out why. He got what he wanted.

He came home after his shift and apologised and said he'd never do it again.. I believed him because I wanted us to work. I gave up a job I loved and family for him.

Over the next few weeks he made me feel happy again and I thought all was okay, until I asked to borrow his phone as mine was charging and I wanted to listen to some music whilst I cleaned the kitchen. He said of course and what did I see... low and behold, the same girl and a conversation with her was right on his screen. He didn't even hide it! I confronted him again and yet again took him back. I realised over the next few months that I was brainwashed by him. I was so mentally drained I didn't leave the house. He kept telling me I was ill, he was the only one I trusted and I should stay home and not move off the sofa. I got so depressed and every time I tried to leave the house or talk to someone he said I couldn't as I only trusted him. I came to believe it.

Another few months passed and I was at rock bottom. I saw he had spoken to this girl again and again saying he loved her and didn't want me. I was nothing. But why did he still try and show love for me and make me feel important and special, yet why didn't he want me talking to anyone or leaving the house? Why was he the one I trusted? Why did he always say that?

I could finally see what he was doing. Controlling me. I decided Christmas eve after catching him a fourth time and this time sending nudes and receiving them, that enough was enough. I never looked back. Sometimes I still have nightmares of the way I was so depressed and so controlled. Just his face makes me sick. I had the courage to walk away from someone like that. No matter how much I wanted love.

Now I have a beautiful family and wonderful fiancé. I never look back on my decision to leave him. It's the best thing I've ever done. No one controls you but you. Never be a puppet to anyone and never stick with someone you know doesn't make you happy or doesn't love you like you love them. Always lead a happy life.