Fourth Trimester

First things first, there is a Fourth Trimester.

Whenever I first heard this, I honestly thought I heard wrong. ‘Tri- … Three, people! Duh’

It’s a thing. Oh boy! Is it a thing. Pregnancy does not end when the placenta is passed, my friend. It keeps going. And going, and going. The changes tend to feel never ending.

To shine a little light on the topic of how to navigate through the fourth trimester, I broke down some insight:

Part One: Your Body

”Don’t be so hard on yourself… it took 9 months for your body to grow like this; it’ll take at least 9 months for it to go back the way it was”

This is a sweet but maybe worn-out saying. If we’re being honest, your body may never go back to the way it was. Or it may, after years, be even better than before you were pregnant! But for right now, while you are in the shit of it (the fourth trimester—which, mamas, is however long you need it to be) let’s take your body-image off the table.

I know—I Know—that looking in the mirror is perhaps not sparking joy right now. But, a little practice, if you will:

Find a picture of your body when you were pregnant. Or reach back into your mind and think about a moment you were knee deep into pregnancy, legs kicked up in the couch and admiring your growing belly. What were the messages you were telling yourself in those moments?

If you were like me, there may have been some, “My feet hurt. I’m hungry. Will my boobs stay this big?”

But the bigger message was, “Look at how painfully beautiful this is! Look at this miracle: my body just knowing and doing what it’s supposed to. Creating a real life inside me!”

Traditionally, we may not idolize women’s pregnant bodies as sexually attractive. I mean, they still are but in the wide socially/traditional sense, just… hang with me… Regardless, there is something so magical about that growing belly and swollen ankles. Magical enough that even strangers want to touch and be a part of it. (Sorry, lady in the Target check outline… at least I asked first!)

Back to that image, with all that love and compassion that you’ve pulled up for your pregnant body: peek (just a peek!) at those folds or scars or stretches left behind. Look at how painfully beautiful that is! Look at how your body was at work doing something that is absolutely breathtaking. There is something still magical about that!

You may feel like you’ve passed the timeline of “getting your body back.” Your baby may be well past nine months now and you find yourself still aching to feel sexy (or hell, just smell good) again.

Let’s be honest about how hard this is:

Chances are, as a new mom, you don’t sleep well. Chances are you are juggling a new ‘work/life’ or ‘stay at home/social life’ balance. Chances are you are struggling to make connections with old friends and new friends because you’ve lost things to talk about or—who has the time?! Chances are your tee shirt has baby snot on it, your hair may have a lego caught in your top knot, and your last lunch consisted of cheese and ham rolled up because you were too busy cooking mac and cheese for the fifth time for a picky toddler to make yourself a quinoa and kale salad.

With all of this, let’s just take body image off the table right now.

Because these things are not petty. These things truly take up space. What all of this is really saying is:

I feel like I do not matter anymore.

Gulp.

Did that message spark some guilt?

I still matter.

Say it out loud! Because you do! Which leads me to my next point…

Your Mind (Part Two coming soon)

Some Takeaways

• Journal about how you feel about your body right now. Take a breath and then reply to that journal as if you are your dearest friend. If you are feeling shame or frustration toward your physical appearance, don’t judge that. Greet that with compassion and understanding that what this body went through/is going through is hard!
• Buy different clothes. Don’t add misery to the mirror by trying to squeeze into clothes that no longer make you feel beautiful. Suck it up! (Or, better, stop sucking it in!) And go for a larger size so that you feel confident right now. Hide the tiny pre pregnancy clothes so they aren’t staring at you. They may get to come out later, but right now, we need to feel beautiful. Treat yourself!
• Schedule you-time (even if it’s just 30 minutes) while your little is sleeping or your partner can take over. Don’t spend it doing laundry or disinfecting toys! Go for a walk, take a long bath, read a book, sit in silence. Do something that makes you feel like you again. It’s amazing how a quick 30 minutes of alone time with yourself can help press the reset button.