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So, you’re on your second year of a relationship and the honeymoon period seems to be over. Do you stick it or bail?
For years it was the expected thing to obey one’s husband and women were obedient to the extent of non-existence. It’s one thing to commit to a loyal relationship but another thing to give up your own thoughts, beliefs and will to live, seeking permission to carry out your own social activities.
The expectation is to work at a marriage, talk and agree to disagree if necessary, and compromise fairly. It’s another thing to do as you are told for fear of reprisal and consequences.
However, has this gone to the extreme where a woman now, who does not get her own way, in any circumstance, feels she has the right to cry “discrimination” or “abuse,” resulting in the man being accused of bullying, exploitation, or manipulation?
Where is the common sense in today’s society? The logical view point of give and take, work it out and compromise.
My marriage lasted 21 years. My now ex-husband saw a chink in my armour, my love for him, and abused it but, I am intelligent woman, I knew what was happening and allowed it to happen.
So, who was at fault? Him for the abuse or me for allowing him to abuse?
When we disagreed, arguments ensued. When I didn’t disagree, harmony reigned. Therefore, I just agreed, created a harmonious environment with our marriage lasting so long.
Am I a fool or am I a loyal wife? I don’t know. If I had left would I be a failure? I ask myself this question regularly. Especially when I have a disagreement with my new husband. Yes, we argue but we learn from each argument. We learn a little more about each other. What pushes our buttons and what makes each other happy. What we believe in and what we will accept from each other, learning to live together in happiness and living a fulfilled life together.
My new husband is so different yet so similar. Different in that he stated:
“We are two people who have selected to live our lives together.”
My previous husband was:
“I am your husband. What I say goes.”
Therefore, can I compare or take each relationship on its own merit? There is no answer! Different people, different environments, different outlooks and most of all, different stages of life.
Is it my age that makes me feel I have a voice? Is it my previous life experience? Is it the job where I can now work with male colleagues instead of finding job roles predominantly working with other women? Is it the changes times of feminism?
These are all conditions to take into consideration when judging what you have had, what you have now and what you will have in the future.
Do we stamp our feet when we don’t get our own way or do we act like adults, consider others, recognise how to keep each other happy, focus on the good things and realise life is for living not arguing?
Life’s a gift and don’t waste it. Grab it, find someone to enjoy it with you, and keep smiling. If you stop feeling happy and lose your light, re-evaluate your relationship and, if you and your partner are not right for each other, make the move.
If he is only happy when you are not, it’s time to ditch him and look for someone who wants to make you happy, not who gets happiness from controlling you and making you miserable.
Laughter is definitely the best medicine and can improve any atmosphere. Smiling is infectious but if you feel being happy is not an option, then kick him to the kerb.