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Don't Let Them Break You

My Encounter with Domestic Violence

By Jessica YaddowPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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I lay on the floor gasping for air, screaming silently. I was sure I was going to die. He outweighed me by at least sixty pounds. I couldn't move. I felt my airways closing.

Quickly I reached to the front of his pajama pants, dug my nails in as hard as I could, twisted, and pulled. He screamed, let go, and smashed my head on the cold tile floor.

I screamed to my four year old to get the neighbors. He was stopped. The man walk towards me with hate in his eyes and punched me square in the jaw. My son ran to me, wrapped his arms around me and screamed "Don't hit my mommy!" The man went to the bathroom, saw the blood in his shorts and threatened to call the cops on me. "They'll take your kids from you." Naively, I believed it.

This all began a few months before when I came home to find cuts and bruises on my son, after previously witnessing and stopping him being beaten with a toy lightsaber. I told the man I would make sure he went to prison if he ever touched my boy again.

It stopped for a few weeks before he started on me. In my naive mind if I called the police I would lose my children for defending myself.

The bills were in his name, although I paid most of them as I was the only one working. I couldn't afford to move alone. I felt trapped.

My sister moved in for a while which helped. He didn't hurt me in front of her. I tried to tell her what was going on a few times but he would always come eavesdrop on us. We had to sit in the same room texting to have a conversation.

I tried to tell my best friend who lived states away, but I could never whisper quietly enough.

I was sure someone would find me dead one day.

I was depressed and scared. I made a million bad decisions. I believed that I was nothing but worthless garbage.

I did everything I could think of to make him leave. It only made things worse.

One day I was able to walk away before he put his hands on me. I called my friend Brittany. She happened to be driving my way with her boyfriend. The man was throwing rocks at me and calling me names. My friends heard it all. They picked me up. We drove around, talked, and got some food.

I began to feel better. As I got ready to go back in to my house Devontae (my friend's boyfriend) turned the car off. He said "I just want to make sure you're going to be okay."

We all went inside.

"What is HE doing here?"

"We just wanted to hang out with our friend. Everything good?"

"Yeah. "

The man went to bed. He never touched us again. A few days later he peacefully moved out.

I struggled for a while after that. I was sure God was punishing me for something.

I had been broken. Stepped on. Crushed to pieces. I am still, six years later, rebuilding myself.

"Why didn't you just leave?"

I couldn't... Abusive relationships are never that simple. I was lucky enough to get out alive. Please remember, everyone isn't always that lucky. Don't let them break you.

If you or someone you love is a victim of domestic violence please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

It could save a life.

relationships
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About the Creator

Jessica Yaddow

Reinventing herself one day at a time.

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