Decision of a Lifetime

When something bad occurs to someone else, you think to yourself, “That will never happen to me, it’s impossible.” We always have the assumption that nothing bad will ever happen to us, until it actually happens...

I had just turned 16 and I found out I was pregnant on my birthday. So many things were going through my head. I took a test just an hour before my boyfriend came over and I got the results back within 30 minutes. I was pregnant. The hardest thing was to tell him. I told him as soon as I could process it.

As the weeks went by I was setting up appointments and talking to nurses and they were explaining to me what my options were. My decision was partially made by me, but mostly by my boyfriend. He didn’t want it, he said his parents wouldn’t support it nor would his grandparents, and that’s when I made up my mind. I was going to get an abortion for him, because he has so much going for him and he’s only 18, I couldn’t mess up his life with a baby, even though he’s the one who did it to me...

October 24, 2017. The day finally came. I was only 16 years old and found myself sitting in the Planned Parenthood waiting room along with multiple women in their 20s. I knew what they were there for; we were getting the same procedure done. All of us were just hours away from getting an abortion.

One by one, the room starting feeling empty, each woman making a decision of a lifetime. I felt emptier by the hour, asking myself if this is what I wanted, and why I was doing this awful thing. My turn was finally here, and a nurse came and got me. Everybody was acting extra nice to me, I’m assuming because of my age. Before the nurse got started, she held my hand and looked up at me and asked, “Is this what you really want to do?”

I simply just nodded and I began to feel the worst pain of my life, physically, mentally, emotionally. After it was done I was taken to a recovery room, and a heating pad was put on my stomach and I was told to relax for about 30 minutes. There was no relaxing for me, I just felt empty. Nothing felt right, I still felt alone in a room full of nurses and other women who got the same thing done.

My body changed throughout the month that I did have the life developing inside of me. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t breathe some nights, I always had morning sickness... but I still got through it somehow. Even on the mornings when I had to get up for school and could hardly get out of bed because my energy was so low I still did it. I was wondering why God had put me in this position, for I didn’t know why I had to make such a hard decision: to keep the baby and risk my future and my relationship or to get an abortion and just forget it ever happened.

Looking back on my life, At eight years old or even 12 years old I never would’ve thought that at 16 I would have to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. It took everything out of me to decide if I wanted to let this life live to its fullest potential or if I wanted to finish my high school career and actually be something. I always heard about women getting these procedures done but I always thought it wouldn’t happen to me. It’s a perfect example of why we shouldn’t assume things, because we truly never know...

Months later, I’m still pondering my decision. I don’t know if I did was right or wrong. I never had the support through it and I still don’t. There’s endless nights when I’m just thinking of what I did, with unstoppable tears just thinking that I’m a monster. I’m always thinking that nothing in life is fair and that’s just the way it is.

You always think you know somebody, and you never actually do...