Dear Stranger, I Don't Care If You Call My Daughter "Him"

People have called my daughter a boy even when she’s wearing pink shoes and a pink shirt. Has it ever bothered me? Not a tiny little bit.

Do I put her in dresses because she looks pretty in them? Hell yes. Do I put her in dinosaur t-shirts from the boy section (because there are no dinosaur shirts in the girl section)? Damn straight. Do I attempt to put bows and headbands on her (again, because: cute)? Yup. Does she immediately proceed to rip them off? You got it.

I cried when I found out I was having a girl. Crazy gender disappointment. I always pictured myself as a “boy mom.” All the women I told were shocked. “Really? I wanted a girl. Girls always want girls.” When I found out I was pregnant, I just knew it was a boy. I did all the “skull theory” and “placenta theory” silly gender tests to prove I had a little penis in me. But, she wasn’t a boy.

And she still isn’t. She’s a brilliant, charming, crazy AF, little person. See what I did there? I don’t want her to be defined by her genitalia. She plays in the dirt, she reads books, she pushes her trucks around, and yes, she plays with her baby doll, too.

Her hair is growing in all at the back. I can put it in a little ponytail if I want (although it looks more like a man-bun). Yeah, when she’s in just a diaper, it’s pretty 50/50 what gender box to check off for her. This is why I’m never offended when a stranger says, “Your son is so cute!” They flipped a coin, picked a gendered word, and gave my kid a compliment. Thank you, stranger! That’s awesome of you.

I refuse to pierce her ears until she can ask for it and truly understands what it means to modify your body. I know other people have pierced their daughter's ears for the SOLE REASON that strangers keep assuming their infant is male. What the actual fuck? WHO CARES?

I will consistently try to avoid putting my kid into gender boxes. Will I try to put her into a “please-become-an-engineer-because-that’s-what-I-wish-I-would-have-done-if-I-could-go-back” box? Yeah, probably. But I will NEVER say that she can’t join scouts or karate or basketball instead of ballet because she should be in something feminine. I will never say that she can’t be Batman for Halloween or have fire truck bed sheets.

I probably didn’t have to go as crazy as having my mother issue a statement to all gift-buying well wishers that my kid will NEVER wear anything that says the word “diva” (cue vom) and to avoid animal print like the plague (spoiler alert: I found a really cute cheetah print onesie at Walmart when she was three months old and changed my own mind).

The heart of the matter: Why all the fucking tears when I realized I was becoming a mom to a daughter? Because of all the gender stereotypes! Tell me if this is the first time you’ve heard of the following?

• Girls are crazy.
• Little girls are *excuse my french* bitches. (I kid you not, a cashier actually said this out loud, to my face yesterday. As if I would think it was a laugh. She has boys and apparently they never had a screaming tantrum in the middle of the grocery store because their dad won’t let her take down the cereal display. Whoopdy-fucking-do.)
• Teenage girls don’t get along with their mothers.

Other true reasons why having a vagina can be a disadvantage:

• Life is much harder for an unfortunate looking woman than an unfortunate looking man.
• Girls are subject to much more body image standard issues than boys.
• It’s a lot harder to make a career in stand-up comedy and professional sports (half joke).

And why I was inspired to write this post today: the #metoo movement. Boy moms have to worry about this, too, of course. But seeing all of the strong, brave women on my newsfeed today post “me too” breaks my heart. If you aren’t familiar, it’s essentially about sexual assault—and it’s far too common and rarely spoken about.

Why am I so happy I have a little precious baby girl? Because she’s healthy, happy, and I can do everything in my power to make sure that she never feels like being a girl is a disadvantage, and she never feels like being called a boy is an insult.

Also she never peed in my face while I changed her diaper.