Conquering Girl-Crazy

Ladies, we’ve all been there. Everything seems fine and then he (or she or whomever), does something, says something, and suddenly we go girl-crazy. We get excited and emotional, and our thoughts are directly connected to our mouths, no filter to save us. We say things we mean, but didn’t necessarily mean to say out loud. We behave irrationally. And much later we might find ourselves giving apologies and asking for forgiveness, blaming our behavior on lack of sleep or caffeine, or hormones. What if you could break the cycle? I have 5 steps that might help.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a two-sided struggle. We need to control our girl-crazy, sure, but it’d be a lot easier if whomever we’re in a romantic relationship with would be mindful of the stupid things they do to cause it. Not too long ago this guy came over to my house for a study date. He’s in college, I’m involved in a certification program. We’ve been dating for a couple months now. Neither one of us really wants a serious relationship right now, so we keep it very casual. So we did what college-age students do, we studied, made food, and had sex.

After our second round, I left to go to the bathroom and when I came back he was getting dressed. “It’s probably about time for me to head out,” he said with a shrug. I felt the girl-crazies coming on. I raised my eyebrows at him, but he didn’t really notice. I got dressed. I quietly walked him to out to his car, kissed him, told him to drive safe, and went back into my house feeling pissed and abandoned.

1. Acknowledgement

The first step to controlling the girl-crazies is having the ability to acknowledge that you are going girl-crazy. There is a difference between getting upset at something because you have every right to be upset, and going girl-crazy. Girl-crazy is specifically for when you are overreacting to a situation that, on any other day, under well-feed, well-caffeinated, well-rested, regular hormone circumstances wouldn’t even make you think twice. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. Personally, I try to distance myself from the situation, take a breather, and take the emotions away. Then see what I think, versus how I feel, which brings me to step two.

2. Facts Versus Feelings

Facts; we had spent the entire day together. He got to my house at 8:30am and stayed until 5pm. He works at 4am and was tired. My mom was about to come home. We had spent quality time together. He left right after we had sex.

Feelings; I felt angry, abandoned and used.

It’s important to be able to separate the facts from your feelings, because sometimes feelings can cloud the reality of the situation. So, now that you have clearly divided what actually happened from how you felt about what happened, you have to process those emotions, which is kind of a chore.

3. Processing Emotions

This is a complicated step, because everyone does it differently. The end goal is to tie whatever emotions are going through you back to an event that happened, and consider if it is an appropriate response. Some people text their best friends to talk it out, some people talk to their cats, whatever works. I like to write letters, because it makes me feel like I’m telling the person off without the potential of embarrassment and makes me really think about what I want to say.

“Dear _____,

“We just had sex, and then you just left, and that was really shitty of you,” was pretty much how the letter went. As I was writing I realized I was upset because of hormone overload. Women’s brains do this terrible thing where they release a bunch of oxytocin during sex, which gives you a feeling of connection and togetherness. It’s a drug. When the stimulus goes away before we’ve had an opportunity to come down from that high, we feel withdrawal. I was essentially momentarily in love with him, and then he left, and that’s why I felt bad.

Okay so if you’ve been following along, we now have a source of our girl-crazy. But, if you’re like me, none of this has really helped yet. You still feel bad, even if you’ve rationalized why all this is happening to you. Right.

Time to move on.

4. Moving Past Crazy

To move past crazy, you have to change how you’re feeling. Take the negativity out of the situation, so to speak. Again, this varies from person to person. Most people listen to music, or watch bad romantic movies. It helps us feel less lonely, like someone else is also going through what we are. And then in the movies there is almost always a happy ending.

I lit some candles, put on some Ed Sheeran, and googled travel destinations to my heart’s content. Those lovey-dovey feelings I had all day came back as I pictured us going on trips for the holidays.

5. Confronting the Wrong-Doer

Congratulations!! You’ve made it past girl-crazy without reaming out your significant other or embarrassing yourself. You feel better and you’re ready to talk to your significant other again, sans arguing. Now you have some decisions to make. Is it worth bringing up to them? How do you talk about it without arguing? You might want to refer back to the facts versus feeling section for talking points, and carefully consider your words if you choose to bring it up.

WARNING: Sometimes thinking about it brings the girl-crazies back with a vengeance at this step. If that’s the case, you should probably put some thought into what you need from that other person to make them go away, and go through the steps again until you can calmly communicate how you feel and what you need to move passed it.

Because my special friend and I had an agreement that our relationship was strictly casual, I decided not to mention it to him. Yes, it was shitty, but I was certain he had his reasons for rushing out. When he texted me, letting me know he was home safe, I asked him if we could take a day trip to see the Christmas lights in the city when the semester was over. He said yes, and all was well. I conquered my girl-crazy, this time. I’m still working on it.