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Body Talk

Loving My Own Skin

I’m 5’11,” and fluctuate between 200-220 lbs in any given year. I’ve been self conscious of my body for as long as I can remember, and I have noticed recently that I have began to appreciate, embrace, and love my body for what it is.

I feel most beautiful when I’m washing my face getting ready for bed in my 100 percent cotton granny panties, and a crop top with no bra on.

My stomach hangs out a little bit,

You can clearly notice that my right breast is larger than the other,

My belly button is unique due to the surgery I had when I was only an hour old,

You can clearly see the razor burn around my bikini line,

And my thighs are touching.

But that’s when I find myself feeling my best, the most confident. I’ll smile at myself, admire how my body looks, and how beautiful and womanly I feel.

I may be 220 lbs with thighs that touch, uneven breasts, and an actual stomach, but...

My thighs touch, because I have strong legs, and I take pride in that, my right breast is larger because that’s my throwing arm, I have been playing ball for 16 years causing muscles to build up over the years, causing it to grow differently.

I have abs with about an inch of fat protecting them, because I like to enjoy a good meal and some drinks with friends and family when I can.

I’m healthy, I feel great, I love my body, and I’ve never been more confident in my own skin.

Apparently the ideal body weight for a female at 5’11” is 136-178 lbs, overweight is considered 179-214 lbs, and obese is considered 215-279 lbs.

So for half the year I’m overweight, and the other half I’m obese. That makes me laugh, because I don’t consider myself obese at any point; I’m perfectly plump and full of muscle.

I’ve never once had health issues pertaining to my weight, I’m active, love the outdoors, I am a strong and capable woman who is beautiful.

I feel desired, I have sex, and I am confident and secure while doing it.

I don’t understand why there are these limits put in a chart form, height by weight=obesity...? How about activity level by quality of food consumed=health?

Why is it that I can be considered “obese,” but can be found hiking, biking, in the gym, or in the pool most days? It’s a question that I have, and it brings me slight frustration.

I am not “obese,” I have a bit of fat on me, but a hell of a lot of muscle under it. I enjoy my life, I am able to run, jump, bike and swim comfortably. My life is not interrupted by my weight, and never has been, aside from slight anxieties entering into a situation in my past.

I am an active person who loves to have a good time with family and friends.

I am a big body, I tower over a lot of people, and I’m generally a physically strong woman, I am more than capable, and have finally began to appreciate it.

It only took me 24 years.

All my life I had been comparing myself to friends who were significantly smaller than me with much different body types. All my life I have been comparing myself to what society was portraying as a “normal” or “basic” body type, and that was not a healthy comparison at any point.

My first year of University I was the smallest I’ve ever been in my adult life, I was 160 lbs, but that was after practically starving myself and eating minimal amounts of food. I fit into a size Medium shirt for the first time and it felt good, but that was not healthy, and I wasn’t confident in my body.

Now here I am, two years out of University, wearing size large or extra large, size 32 (or 13) pants, and being more comfortable and confident in my own skin. Maybe it comes with age, and just general life experience, but I also believe that loving yourself is a big part of it.

I am self conscious of my body sometimes, but just for split seconds, then I remind myself of how beautiful I am, and all of the awesome things my body is capable of.

Today, at 215 lbs, standing 5’11,” I am more confident in myself than ever before, I am nearly unstoppable.

Once you accept and embrace who you are, what your body is, and what it is capable of, you can do anything, you gain amazing confidence which glows. It truly is such a beautiful thing.  

Sure, I could work for a smaller stomach and thighs, and pay for a smaller right breast, a normal belly button, and laser hair removal for my body, but then I wouldn't be free to enjoy great food and drinks with great friends. I couldn't run as fast to first base, or throw as hard to home. 

Small imperfections make you who you are, they are nothing to be embarrassed about. Embrace them. Make them your beauty. 

It took me 24 years, but I have finally fallen in love with my stomach when it hangs out of a crop top a bit,

My slightly larger right breast,

My unique belly button,

Bikini line razor burn,

And my strong thighs.

It's okay to be self conscious every now and then, as long as you don't let it get in the way of your love for yourself. Your body works so hard for you, show it some appreciation. 

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