Be the B*tch

I am, as most people call it, a bitch. No, I am not mean to people for no reason. No, I don't stir up trouble and give my "honest" (actually just rude and not needed) opinion. I just stand up for myself. I choose who I'm around and I'm no afraid to speak up about being treated like a doormat, like most women deal with every day. I feel like especially around men, I come off as a bitch because I act like them. I don't let people of all genders treat me a certain way, and it rubs some people the wrong way. At work, at home, with friends, in relationships, I am not afraid to fight for what is right by me (reasonably so of course, again I'm a bitch, I'm not mean). I don't let people railroad me. I don't let men treat me any which way, and I make sure they know it. You should do the same. You should be the bitch, because it is a life-changer.

This has changed my life, as I wasn't always the bitch. I had a fear of being the bitch. This ability and asset I figured out over time, by trial and error. One by one, I learned my lessons, and one by one I made sure I never had it happen again. I figured out the balance, and how to be the bitch in a more palatable manner for some people. But even so, I am still called a bitch. And I am happily called a bitch. Why? Because, in my opinion, if you are a woman or feminine presenting, and you are not called a bitch, then you aren't doing it right.

For me personally, this bitch mentality first came about when I was nineteen and working a job in university like pretty much any other very young adult does. I'd been fired from my previous job (whole other story and lesson), and this new job had people higher up who liked to muscle you around for profit, and had customers who got the memo to do the same. Customer service, am I right? I wasn't the bitch, I was their bitch. And I hated it.

Still reeling and insecure from being fired, I did pretty much anything and everything to make sure I was a good employee. But boy, was I tired, anxious, and unhappy. I tried to please anyone and everyone so I could keep my job. I took extra shifts when I didn't want to, I stayed late, I came in early. I dealt with stuff I didn't want to (pool chemicals specifically as I worked at a swim school). Well, what did I get in return? Nothing that really meant anything. Someone I trained got the shift lead job before me. I wasn't mad at her, but I was mad at the company for not acknowledging my hard work (although admittedly the pay was amazing, they made sure of it because they had such high turnover). So I started to put my foot down. I did it with my bosses, my coworkers, and customers. And to make a long story short? My life got easier, and not only that, but I started to get more recognition for my work.

But it comes with a consequence. I had some calling me a bitch in the breakroom. My own boss told me that I didn't get the manager position because I "came off as someone who wouldn't sit down and be quiet." Then he told me I needed to work on that. The craziest part? I acted like him, but I am a young woman and he was a grown man. I promptly quit after that. If they didn't value what I had to offer then why be there at all?

Then I started to change with my relationships. This right here is a nice reminder that I am not saying that this is the go ahead to be a mean and terrible person to your friends to get what you want. What I'm saying is that I started to speak up for myself. I'd tell them if a joke they made towards me hurt my feelings instead of laughing along. I'd speak up if I didn't care to spend time with a person who's a friend of a friend. I stood up for myself. Not only did my life get better, but my relationships got better too.

But I did lose some friends along the way, and they did call me a bitch. They wanted to be able to do what they wanted with me, and I wouldn't have that. If you decide to be the bitch and be more assertive the same may happen to you. Be ready for that, and believe that you are doing the best for you. Because real friends will understand when you stand up for yourself and your own comfort.

I've fought for what's right. I've called out family on behaviors I felt weren't okay. I don't speak to a good 75% of my family because of the way they treat me and my family (bunch of southern racists treat me and my family like "libtards" and talk down to us, no thanks). I've had family tell me it doesn't look nice to treat family like that and refuse to talk to them because of politics. Oh boy, do I disagree. How should taxes be spent? I won't stop speaking to a family member because of that. But you think a whole group of people is less because they have a different way of life or a different skin color? You're gone. So I have family members calling me a bitch.

This is me giving you the permission to be the bitch. It's hard, especially at first, to keep meanness and "bitchiness" apart. At first, I did struggle with this too I will admit. Sometimes I came off as just plain mean, and not the perceived "bitchiness" I was aiming for. Some people can't tell the difference. Keep yourself in mind, keep what you want in mind, keep your comfort in mind. Then as you stand up for yourself, do it kindly. Just be the bitch. And good luck with it.

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