Abduction Survivor

When I was a moody teenager, about 14 years old, I listened to Green Day and Nirvana on my Walkman every day on the way home from school. Being a freshman is such a confusing, yet exciting time. Fresh new hormones pumping through your body as you go through adolescence, and a fresh new crush every week. I was just beginning to cozy into a fun group of friends, and found my classes to be such a welcome change from middle school, I was actually interested in what was being taught!

The school year was halfway over, and I had a couple of boyfriends by now. Young love, but those relationships ended out of immaturity, and a bit of awkwardness on my end.

I felt strangely bored with my life and started rebelling against my parents, and started hanging out with some of the more edgy kids at school. One of my girl friends pierced my lip one day after school, and my mom was fed up and kicked me out of the house.

I stayed the night at her house that night and she let me borrow a shirt to wear to school the next day. It was a tight fitting zebra print halter top. I have a much curvier body type than my friend, and it was made obvious by this shirt. I wore my black zip up hoodie over it so I would not get caught by the dress code police at school that day.

After school I decided I'd go home, apologize to mom and take out the DIY lip ring to make it up to her.

Or so I thought.

As I was walking home, I had my headphones in. I took my jacket off and tied it around my hips. The sun was out, and I was happy with the way I looked in my friend's clothes. I saw a school bus go by, and several of my friends waved to me. A red convertible drove up and slowed to almost a stop next to me. A young looking man called out to me, "Hey, how are you?" I happily took my headphones out and said, "I'm doing great how are you?" He answered with a simple "great." And proceeded to ask me if I was from around here, and whether I needed a ride. I shook my head, and said, no, I don't live far.

My heart started to race at this point. Looking back I was so naïve. My mother has told me a thousand times, never to get into a car with a stranger. Never to even talk to strangers. I just didn't think...

Eventually the man wore me down, and after a few minutes of politely conversing with him, I genuinely thought he was just being nice, I agreed to let him drive me home.

I got in the car, and started to tell him directions to my house. He missed the turn. I told him to turn around and go back. It was like he couldn't hear me. I asked him where he was taking me, and he said it's a nice day for a drive. My heart sank. He pulled the car over a couple minutes later. We were near a trail next to the river, he said let's go for a walk, and I obliged. I wanted out of that car as soon as I sat down.

We walked down the trail for about a minute, until we came to a large fallen log which was blocking the path. I turned around and he was taking something from his pocket. It was a digital camera. I asked him what he was doing? He didn't answer, but started walking towards me. I knew what was happening now. It finally clicked. I was about to lose my virginity, I was about to be raped. He told me to take my pants off, and he took out a large knife. I was so scared. In my mind I had two options, either show him how scared I was, scream, cry, try to run. I envisioned myself trying to get away and him easily catching me and killing me. Or instead I could pretend that everything was fine and he might let me go after he was finished. And that's exactly what I did.

I forced a smile, and managed to ask him if he had any diseases, or a condom. He ripped off my pants and propped me up on the log. He told me to pose with my legs open and he took a few pictures of me.

I was shaking. He unzipped his pants and told me not to make a sound. I closed my eyes as hard as I could and imagined it wasn't happening. He asked me how old I was and I couldn't answer, and he proceeded to rape me. He told me I was a dirty little slut and that he knew I liked what he was doing. Tears were burning down my cheeks and I wanted to vomit. He was finished surprisingly fast, and I had little to no pain. I wondered to myself if it was wrong that I didn't physically feel hurt. Every ounce of my soul felt like I was dying, but there was no blood. There were no bruises. There was no screaming.

Afterwards I felt blind. I couldn't see where I was, or where he was leading me. A few moments later I was back in his car. Still unable to speak, I simply sat and trembled, as we drove away I thought it would be over. A weight lifted off my chest and I began to see that we were driving back by the school. I asked if he would take me home now, but again there was no answer.

He drove away from my hometown. He drove and drove until I told him I was car sick and he stopped at a Walmart. I vomited in the parking lot, and he took me inside and told me to pick out a few new outfits. Honestly I was in shock. I hazily grabbed some clothes from the racks and sat outside on the curb. It was night time now and I had no idea where I was. I wanted to go home. He came out of the store and grabbed my arms, led me to his car and stripped off my clothes once again. He replaced them with the new outfit he bought, and placed me back in his car. I'm not sure what happened next.

I woke up the next morning and as soon as I opened my eyes, I realized that I wasn't dreaming. I was still sitting in this awful red convertible. He took me to a hair salon and told the stylist to bleach my hair and cut it. Afterwards he drove me to a camp ground. That night he made me drink tequila with him and his friends, and afterwards they all took turns raping me. It was the longest and worst night of my life, and by now I had started to believe him every time he told me that this was what I wanted, I was a slut. He told me to say I was 18. He knew my name somehow. And I was nice to him. I smiled at his friends and told them I was tired and needed to sleep.

The next day he told me I needed a shower. I couldn't speak. So he put me back into his car and dropped me off at a laundromat near my school.

He told me I could never tell anyone what happened and he drove away.

I instantly collapsed. I was completely empty. And confused. And all alone. I wandered around the town for hours until I remembered my way home.

And I didn't tell a soul.